5/14/18

Book review: The Cloud of Unknowing

Title: The Cloud of Unknowing
Author: Anonymous, 13th Cent.
Translator: [I failed to note this.]
Publisher: [I failed to note this.]
Date: [I failed to note this.]
I've started to read the Cloud of Unknowing. The historical context of this text has made for facinating reading, but a part of me wants to skip a head to the real text. I'm ging to finish reading this context setting preface, though. A lesson in patience is necessary if I am finding this fustrating. This preface is that lesson.

Grace is hidden in us all. Few learn to (or attempt to) uncover it from the mound of daily cares and falsehoods that creat a placid seeming life.

Carelessness as a part of sin? An interesting concept that isn't voiced much.

[Edited to add: I read this and the other texts on Christian theology as I was exploring Christianity and seriously considering conversion to that faith.]

Originally Published: 8/23/06 on LiveJournal

Note: I have a copy of this. I will be re-reading it and updating notes and such. But, here is the original book review/notes in their terrible spelling and equally awful editing. I found this book to be really useful. So, I'm going to be going over it again. This time, I will have all of the info for the book because I actually own it and I'm not borrowing it from the library.

4/5/18

Booted from the plane.

Waning Blue Sap Moon (Age: ???)
Sign: ???
Weather: Unseasonably cold, flurries with sun
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So, a while back, my friend L. gave me a reading. I was cautioned that I needed to 'jump out of the plane or be booted out of it before it crashes' to paraphrase the entire reading. Since then, the theme of jump or be kicked off keeps popping up. 

I'm a hard headed idiot sometimes. The gods are not patient with hard headed idiots for very long. There were warnings that something was coming along. Then they gave me a very direct object lesson in the importance of self-care. So, I learned from that lesson. I had fawn's legs but I was starting back on the road to good health and proper self-care.

Then I got diagnosed last week with diabetes. It was a combo of jumping from the crashing plane of bad habits and getting booted out of it, because I'll confess that I faltered. I got scared that I was going to fuck up my healthy habits again, like I have pretty much every time my mood goes haywire (thanks bipolar, may Loki show you what he finds funny). The day I walked into the doctor's office was a harried day that I had missed doing my morning yoga and dropped a cup of coffee on the counter (didn't break the mug just covered the counter with coffee).

I'm scared but I'm doing my best. Hence why I am typing slowly due to fingers having been pricked for blood sugar testing multiple times over the last several days. I put a lot of effort today into not having stuff that is filled with carbohydrates. It seems a bitter irony that a godspouse of Freyr can't have carbohydrates. The gods, however, have their sense of humor and I'm sure will help me find something amusing in all of this.

2/25/18

Rambling prattling part 2

The last few months have been rough. I've lost track of things like moon phase and such. Hence my lack of notation of it in this post.

I've been struggling with feelings of connection with the gods. Then as I was writing in a journal, listening to the playlist I set up for them, they started talking back. It has persisted through other playlists and the radio. It's been weird but effective.

My blog of erotica has begun to turn into a record of exchanges between them and I in a place that is both mental and spiritual at the same time. A place that bridges the two realms (if not three or four because I type it and it becomes physical and digital). Things I have written half entranced that I come out of the experience with the queer sense that I was there and here at the same time.

N. Lokison, I think I am beginning to get it. It is both simple and not at the same time. Utterly bewildering and yet very familiar. I'm somehow in multiple places at the same time and doing different things at the same time, with my awareness needing to be focused on on them at different times.

11/29/17

Rambling brain prating.

Last Quarter Harvest Moon (Age: 21 days)
Sign: Cancer
Weather: Seasonable, cloudy
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There were a ton spiders in my home. Most of them, I suspect, were baby brown recluse spiders. I'm honestly terrified of them. I had a bad experience once (didn't get bit but did get the hell scared out of me) and I developed something of a phobia. The time of the spider infestation was curious. Shortly before hand, a few days at best, I asked for help mastering my fears. My anxiety had been getting the better of me and I was handling it less than well. I'm pretty sure it was connected to the dreams that were total wtf as well. Dreams of things like being trapped in a burning house where I had to swim out of the attic on the spring bubbling up in it. Of visiting my brother in law's house (which doesn't exist) and getting trapped in there as I spotted a forest fire on the way and being unable to get out. And having everyone vanish in the time between looking out the window and turning around. That dream ended with waking up choking on smoke and Loki taking my hand saying "It isn't real. You're going to be fine."

NOTE: I had thought I posted this last month. I apparently was wrong. The spider thing is not as much of a problem now since we've had a few good cold snaps. I'm also making a point of getting rid of them as I find them. Spiders are fine outside, but I am not able to handle them indoors. Makes my skin crawl and I start to panic about being bitten and having limbs rot off. I'm told this is a fairly normal phobia. I don't enjoy it at all.

9/27/17

Dreams go wut?

Waxing Harvest Moon (Age: 7 days)
Sign: Void of Course
Weather: Unseasonably warm, humid
Drought status: None
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There are dreams that you just look at and accept as random brain nattering. And then there are the ones where they have a theme that just won't go away. For about two weeks now, I keep having these surreal dreams where I am flipping things over. Some of them feature me on some kind of game show where I have to flip everything over to gain some kind of prize. And then there are ones like last night where I just keep flipping things over.

It ranges from a literal table flip to flipping a car over. (The car one was probably the most surreal moment. I flipped a Buick with my finger tips on my off hand. And it was like flipping over a popsicle stick. But it was one of the old school Buicks that were basically like a boat driving down the road.) They seem to correspond to my making some major changes in how I approach health things. Is flipping things in my dreams supposed to correlate to making changes in my life? I have no idea.

All I know is that this is not going away. And it feels like there's something more behind it. Divination is just something I haven't had time for. And approaching it from a dream analysis perspective says 'Yep, I'm making huge changes in my life about how I am approaching just about everything."