Moon: Waxing Snow (Age: 5 Days)
Weather: Cloudy, winter storm warning
(Winter storm Nika)
Information coming to me from various different sources points that Freyr wants an intensely intimate relationship with me. I keep running in proverbial circles and attempting to dodge the subject because it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I have been put on notice that my time of running in circles is over. I am sitting here trying to break down the reasons why I am so terribly convinced that this is so much more then what I am qualified for.
I keep boiling it down to I'm scared to reach for something more. It keeps getting said to me that I am to be his god-spouse and I... I flail and retort with 'I don't know enough to do that. I'm not qualified. I'm married already (with children). He wouldn't be my primary relationship. etc." The responses have been terribly calm and reducing it all back down to the fact that I am scared.
I suppose I have taken the first step down this path by agreeing to do what ever this thing that I am doing with him that I am doing right now. It feels terribly, terribly egocentric to say that I am a deity's girl friend. I flail and do the psychic 'hide behind my hands' thing but that doesn't make a damn bit of difference. Deities can see right through that, no matter how hard you strive to shield yourself.
MaterDraco suggested that I sit down and have a conversation with him like I would any human being. Her suggestion that I figure out what it is I'm looking for in a relationship with him just blew my mind. I'm left reeling and asking 'what on earth do you ask of a deity who wants you to be their bride?' I feel that I have moved out into terribly, terribly deep water and that my swimming skills are not up to the task of keeping myself afloat, never mind navigating the blue.
I suppose this is where it is a good thing that the god who is asking for this has a boat and knows how to sail?