12/6/14

Dreams of Freyr

Full Frost Moon (Age: 15 days)
Sign: Gemini
Weather: Partly cloudy, seasonably cold,
no snow on the ground
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Over the last several weeks, I've been having dreams of Freyr when I'm not having nightmares. He has also had a hand in ripping me out of my nightmares. A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was on a vast plain. Snow lay thick and it was very quiet. As I stood there and shivered, I wondered why I was there. Then, behind me, I heard the sound of hoofbeats.

I turned to find Freyr leading a coal black horse towards me. His expression was solemn as he approached me. He took my hand and put the reins for that horse into it. He told me that I had to master the beast. I responded that I didn't know how to ride and this earned me a droll look. Apparently having physical knowledge of how to ride and the ability to do so in dreams is not directly related. I felt something of a fool for that.

He helped me mount this horse and immediately it began to toss its head and stamp the ground, where it had been calm, if not docile under his hand. I attempted to talk to the horse, but it only grew more agitated as I did so. Freyr told me that the horse could smell my fear and that I needed to master myself if I was going to gain control of the horse. That was about when it reared and I was thrown off into the snow. This was repeated several times.

The fourth time I hit the ground I was so upset that I was starting to cry. I didn't want to be crying. I rather loathe the experience and have a special hatred for crying in front of people who mean a lot to me. Unlike the other times where I had burst into tears with him, Freyr did not put his arms around me and tell me it was going to be ok.

Instead, he watched me as I forced myself to my feet and struggled between crying and anger. I walked over to the horse and he moved to help me mount. I walked in front of the horse and took hold of the bridle. As I pulled the horse's face towards mine, the horse started to lift its head again. I jerked hard downward on the bridal and the horse's nostrils flared. I told the horse to stop being a dick. It blinked its brown eyes at me. I'm not sure if it understood what I was saying or not.

Freyr helped me mount the horse again. As it tossed its head and started to rear, I pulled hard on the reins, forcing that dark head back to the right. The horse moved back a pace but it didn't rear up. I let up some of the pressure on the reins and the horse started to walk forward. Suspicious that I was about to be thrown off again, I gripped the mane in my hands. This was a good thing because it bucked.

Somehow, I managed to stay mounted. The horse then stopped fighting me. It simply stood there as I let go of the mane and took the reins in my right hand. I looked over at Freyr to ask what I was supposed to do next when the dream melted away and I found myself plunged into a nightmare.

Unlike the other nightmares, this one didn't completely paralyze me with terror. I'm starting to think that black horse was the nightmares. Perhaps this means that I am beginning to regain control over my dreams. I suppose I can only hope.

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