Letters to Loki # 16: Running in Circles

Hey there Sly One,

Boy was last week a roller coaster ride. I am so thankful that my grandmother is doing well now. I don't know why she was having the health issues she was but the fact that she is recovering and at home now is a huge relief. I am a little frustrated with some of the things that happened to create some of the problem but I recognize that there really is nothing I can do to influence that so I am doing my best not to worry about it. I am still somewhat concerned for my mother, but I know that she has my father there to help her out. All of the stress from my maternal grandmother's health scare and from caring for my paternal grandmother (who is suffering from dementia) is wearing on my parents and I worry about them. Frustratingly, however, there really is nothing I can do to be of help. I know if there was, they'd tell me. I pray for them but sometimes it really doesn't feel like enough.

Speaking of prayer, the list of people whom I am praying for grew by a significant factor last week. It makes me disappointed that so many people are having so much trouble right now. I pray for them and I encourage some folks who I am associated with to pray for them as well, but I really would like to do something more concrete to be of help. I am, however, recognizing that there are limitations to what I can do and not pushing myself beyond my limits. I suppose I have learned some measure of moderation after all. I don't know when that happened, however. Must be part of this whole being an adult business.

The cleaning and such for Moura is almost finished. I have to admit, Freyr's admonishment to take a step back from working on my books has been helpful. It has allowed me to address the various problems that have popped up over the last few weeks with out feeling guilty that I wasn't working on a manuscript. I don't think I am going to manage to get fully caught up on my spinning by the time the Equinox hits, but I don't feel too upset about that. Again, I think this is a sign that I am making progress in not being so damn hard on myself.

I have been working on a shawl for Angrboda. I feel a little unhappy because I have made mistakes and had to rip it out to do over again. The pattern is really simple but I seem to keep flubbing things up with it. I am trying to keep a good sense of humor about it all and being less of a perfectionist with it. That, however, has been really hard. I do find myself wondering if the fact that this thing is a royal purple will suit her well. It was, however, the deepest shade of yarn that I had which is not earmarked for other projects. The rate that I am going through this ball of yarn, however, I may be forced to do the design element that initially came to mind. The ombré shades of purple to white may look good, but I kinda felt that doing the whole thing in dark purple would have worked better. I will, however, do what is necessary to get this done in a timely fashion.

I'm not sure why but I have the strongest sense that I need to finish this shawl by the end of the month. Considering that I am about a quarter of the way done, I think I will accomplish that with a little bit of time to spare. I still haven't gotten back to that embroidery project. I have hit something of a creative block with it. I just can't figure out what I am going to do next on it. I want to finish it but I am out of ideas. I have tried looking in my craft books, my embroidery handbook, and at projects others have done, but nothing captures my imagination. I suppose that is going to sit for a while longer.

This big shawl that I am knitting out of the camouflage yarn is almost finished. I have three sections to do and it will be ready to be blocked. I have no idea where I am going to block it out, though, because this thing is too big to do anywhere except in the middle of the living room. I don't have those foam blocking mats. So, I may just be giving it to the recipient unblocked. Fortunately, however, the yarn is acrylic and easy to care for. I will be soaking it in fabric softener and running it through a hot wash to soften up the yarn when I have this thing done. My hope is that it will make it a bit more even in texture and softer on the skin. If I have to, I suppose I could kill the yarn but I don't know where I'll be ironing this thing out. Again, that whole lack of workspace business.

I have been working towards doing more with Keen. I still feel really nervous about talking to unfamiliar people but I am doing my best not to avoid it. Hopefully, I will manage to be more active now that life has settled down some. These last two weeks were just too chaotic for me to really get involved with that. It makes me dread the coming spring break and summer. I don't know how I am going to manage being more active on Keen with the kids home and running around. I am sure I'll think of something, but it makes me nervous.

I suppose that's pretty much everything that is on my mind right now. I have some housework to take care of, so I'll just wrap this up with one final thought. I really deeply appreciate how you have been so supportive over the last few weeks. Reminding me not to take everything so damn seriously is probably the biggest thing I appreciate. It's a bad habit that I just can't seem to shake yet. I am sure I will in time. But, thank you again for being my friend and helping out.

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