9/5/15

Awkward things re: gods and their wants.

Last Quarter Corn Moon (Age: 22 days)
Sign: Gemini
Weather: Hot, sultry, and uncomfortable
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Sometimes the gods specifically request things that I'm not 100% comfortable with. I recognize that a lot of my hang ups are unhealthful for me. And that these requests are serving a dual purpose. That said, it gets really awkward on a semi-regular basis now. I think the most difficult thing for me, right now, is the devotional erotica. Because most of what I have been writing is what I've experienced with them. And I have never been fully comfortable talking about my sex life. I have a hard time writing erotic letters to my husband, whom I've know for 30+ years. And saying it verbally, that just doesn't happen with out my turning the color of a tomato.

Them wanting the last of the alcohol, which I was hoping to have, to them telling me how they want me to dress once in a while, it gets uncomfortable. I know that I have autonomy. I know that I can tell them know. I also know that telling them no leads to some upset and makes domestic harmony a bit challenging. The times where I've told them no, it is because I just can't bring myself to do something. And they will grumble about it but let the matter drop for a while. Then they ask again, because I might have changed just enough that it will be possible.

The one thing that they've never asked is for me to put aside my health and welfare. (In fact they get quite upset when I am not taking care of myself properly. And, boy, do I hear about it.) And they've never asked that I compromise my relationships with my husband or my children. And I don't think they'll ever do that. I think that gods have hard limits too. And those might be two of 'em.

I try to push through the awkwardness and make things happen. It doesn't go gracefully or as I think it should in my ridiculously excessively high standards. But, it gets done. And I guess that is what matters. I can be uncomfortable and still do things.

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