Over the course of last week, I found myself gradually feeling better mood wise. I'm now back at my normal middle of the road mood. I am glad that I am feeling better because it is awful to feel that way. I have been doing my best not to resist the cycling of my moods but I have to consciously remind myself of that. Maybe after a little while, I will get better about it. Right now, I am just doing my best to treat myself with compassion and stop putting ridiculous demands on myself.
I have reached a point where I have found all of my volumes of my book of shadows. I have been flipping through them and feeling a mixture of overwhelmed by how much material is there and nostalgic. The stuff from my early days of this journey is so idealistic. There's a measure of romanticism there that is somewhat charming. Also, I find the attempts of my younger self to explain magic to be amusing to read.
I am in the early stages of organizing that whole mess. I've got a notebook that I am writing all the spells in. I am amused that so far I have more curses in here than anything else. I don't curse people often but I seem to have collected a number of them over the years. In looking at the trends, you can see where my interests and curiosity have gone over the years. The more 'left hand path' type of magic is a consistent thing in my research and study. I suppose my attempts to understand and be adequate with that type of magic has been a big portion of my studies over the years. I can't help but be a little bit amused by all of this.