Waxing Hunter's Moon (Age: 9 days)
Weather: cool, partly cloudy,
snow forecast for pm
So, I had read about astral pregnancy. I thought it was confusing. I tried to make sense of it. Tried to comprehend it. I then gave up because it just was something I couldn't wrap my mind around. I mean, to some extent I could follow it but at the same time it was very bewildering. Cue approximately a year of not thinking about this aside from going 'Ok, that's cool that this is happening for you.' for a few people I know.
I suppose it was about the spring equinox when the astral sex thing happened more often between Freyr and I. It happened several times before then. It was really awesome but confusing. Still, it was something enjoyable and it brought him and I closer.
Three months ago, I had a weird feeling. I felt like I was pregnant. I mean, the feelings were so intense, I got a pregnancy test. I was even late on my menses. The pregnancy test was negative. I concluded that something weird was happening with me but it wasn't anything negative with my health so I wasn't going to worry about it. Honestly, aside from the breast discomfort, it wasn't that bad. Just weird. One of the big differences from when I was pregnant with the boys and what I was feeling at that moment was the fact that I didn't feel like I had morning sickness, which was quite frankly awesome.
At the beginning of last month, I found myself cramping really hard. Cramping like I was in pre-labor. It hurt, it confused me, and I worried that maybe something really was wrong. After an afternoon of that, it went away. As this was happening, Loki said that he would help me feel better, so when it went away and I felt better, I figured he did his thing. At the same time, the feeling of being pregnant went away. It made me suspicious that perhaps I had one of those confusing and kinda odd astral pregnancy things happen to me. Confused, I put that thought aside. I had my menses the next day and decided that they just were bad cramps because I was nearly a month and a half late.
Then, after the menses passed, the weird 'I'm pregnant' feeling came back again. This time, it lasted for a few weeks. The day before my menses came, I had a strange cross between the pre-laborish cramping and something very confusing. I felt like I was in labor but not physically so. I look at myself with my spiritual eye and just kinda stared in shock. My belly was as big as it was with my youngest son and I felt (but didn't at the same time) a baby squirming inside me. Loki was very wide eyed and concerned when he showed up.
He said that he was going to take me to where I could get help. Next thing I know, I am journeying (via Loki carrying me) to Angrboda. He says something about her midwife should help me. Angrboda tells me that I need to go to Freyja. So, cue another weird journeying experience of being carried. When I was brought to Angrboda, I could see myself moving through a dark wood. The second journey, I was moving through what seemed to be a tunnel of all colors of light. Then I was in a room with Freyja and some alfar woman that I had never encountered. Freyr was there and looking very concerned. Loki got some pointed looks and he exited the room.
Then I had the experience of giving birth (which ached on the physical level, like if I had gotten kicked in that bit of anatomy in the recent past). After which, Freyja and everyone else got very concerned. The baby was spirited off elsewhere by Freyja and the woman. I was confused and worried because I hadn't even heard the child cry. Freyr sat with me, looking rather concerned as he held my hand.
Several nights later, I am talking with a dear friend of mine and I described what happened. At which point, two things happen. Freyja explains that the second birth was complicated and the child needed to be in Jotunheim to be well. And then I am told that Loki did something and Freyr was angry with him. And that signs were indicating that what I suspected at first that I was some how pregnant before this were accurate.
Cue a ... discussion, where Loki says he helped midwife the first child and brought her to an undisclosed location for the child's safety. This turned into a bit of an argument between him and I, wherein he says it is Freyr's child and that he helped labor happen a little earlier than it was supposed to. And I demand that he bring the child to Freyr's hall, where she is supposed to be. The argument between Loki and I was unpleasant, for both of us, but in the end he did bring the child to Freyr. And he mended fences with Freyr.
Things are still a bit touch and go between him and Freyr right now. But, it is returning to the normal realm of Freyr telling Loki 'you annoy me.' and Loki telling Freyr to 'lighten up.' By the way, Loki telling Freyr to lighten up has always struck me as funny. Freyr, who exudes joy frequently, doesn't exactly come off as someone who takes himself too seriously. Which is what Loki semi-regularly needles him about. It's like the verbal equivalent of spit-balling between the two of them. Which is weird to be on the sidelines of.
But, astral pregnancy, it is a thing. I'm still confused by it, but I guess the ... amount of quality time I've been spending with Freyr was going to catch up to me at some point.