Waxing Strawberry Moon (Age 9 days)
Weather: Seasonable, fair skies
I was numbly wandering around my apartment between folding piles of laundry. Ingvi watched me for a little bit and then told me to go sit down. I thought about arguing with him and decided I didn't have the energy. As I sat on the couch looking around the cheerfully messy living room (I'm learning to identify the joyful chaos that comes from my children just have a lot of fun versus the untidy madness that comes from my children randomly throwing things around because they're bored. There apparently IS a difference.) I asked him why human beings are so fucking atrocious.
Freyr looked very ... tired at my question. I think it is because a LOT of people have been asking over the last few days. Which isn't a big surprise, considering what happened over the weekend. He sat down beside me and just wrapped an arm around me. We sat like that for a little bit. He said to me, "I like that your home is joyful. Even when you're depressed, there is still joy here. There is love too, so much potent love. It bleeds from the walls. It is very beautiful." He sounded so.. so tired when he said that.
He then said, "Not everyone is blessed like this. Not everyone knows how to create such joy and love. Not everyone has a home. They just have a place where they throw their things, eat, and sleep. You have made a home here. It insulates you. It protects you as much as you protect it." He closed his eyes with a pained expression and looked like he was on the verge of tears before he kissed me on the right temple. He then said, "Don't lose it. Keep this safe and sacred inside. Inside your heart, where it is secret. No one can take that away from you then."
I desperately wanted to do something to help him. I could see that his heart was breaking. He offered a tumble in bed. It was a pleasant tryst, but he still had that haunted, heart broken look in his eyes. I wish there was some way that I could ease his pain.