30 days for Freyr - Roadblocks.

 I've been desperately trying to keep up on my writing but failing left, right, and center. I've been having some problems over the last several weeks. Three weeks ago, I put my back out and I was out of commission for a week. About two months now, I have been having severe problems with insomnia. This is having a negative impact on my ability to focus to write or do much of anything. The apartment is kinda a mess again because I've had the attention span of a goldfish. Throw on top of this, for the last three weeks I have been having difficulties with my C-PTSD and experiencing a lot of intrusive thoughts and flashbacks at random with great frequency.

I'm working with my doctor to get these things resolved but I know that this is not a case of 'Take this pill and you'll be better in a week.' But, it is making things like devotional writing hard. If you follow me on Tumblr, I'm a bit irregular in my morning little prayers right now. I'm stressed out and dissociating on a fairly regular basis. My problems sleeping make me more prone to doing that. I'm not entirely sure why.

Last night was the first night in the last two months I got something that resembled a full night of sleep. I only woke up twice and that was to get a drink of water. All this stress has my blood sugar running kinda high in the morning and I've been stress eating stuff like cheese. I think the only reason why this post is not gibberish is because I got more than 4 hours of sleep last night. I'm also on my second pot of coffee. That magical potion that turns me from a zombie into a semi-functional person.

Freyr has been concerned. Loki's been concerned. Beloved is concerned. The only ones who are not concerned are my kids, who don't really know what's going on because I do my best to mask my symptoms around them because they find them distressing. Which is exhausting. I don't know what the solution to this problem is going to be. I just hope that all of this doesn't land me into an depressive or a manic episode. Either would be real bad right now.

But that's why I haven't been posting. Because my brain is shit right now. I don't even know why I can't sleep. I fall asleep ok but I keep waking up after a large chunk of my bedtime medication wears off. The other night, I woke up six times in a row, despite taking the melatonin as my doctor advised. I think the fact I slept last night is based on the fact that I was so tired I was literally stumbling over my own feet.