I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I know it's my PTSD creeping up on me. At the same time, I feel terribly alone and like I wouldn't be so alone if I were like everyone else. It's been rough over the last year. Everything went on hold for 2020. Everything except for my scumbag brain insisting that I was a weakling and a coward for hunkering down and avoiding going out because of Covid-19.
I am attempting to restart a whole bunch of things. Yesterday was on one hand a good day. I made a little bit of money on Keen and I reconnected with some old clients. On the other hand, I just felt horrible most of the day and like I wasn't doing enough. I am struggling to reestablish healthy habits that I fell out of last year. I am struggling to get back to using a schedule, which I haven't done in over a decade. And I am struggling to figure out what in hell is going on with my diabetes because my blood sugar has been stupid. It's all left me feeling afraid and like I'm not good enough.
I guess that means it's time to do more Shadow Work. I should really replace that copy of Timothy Rodrick's book on Shadow Work. It's more of a workbook than anything else. Maybe I should go through it again and see what happens this time.
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