My brain is giving me emotional whiplash and They're not happy.

Waning Wolf Moon (Age: 16 days)

Moon Sign: Leo

Weather: Very cold, light lake effect snow

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I'm not swinging back and forth because of my Bipolar II right now. Or at least, I don't think that is the case. But, what ever is going on with me, I've been super anxious for about a week right around sundown. Like, so anxious that the sound of one of the kids unexpectedly tearing a piece of paper almost made me jump out of my skin the other night.

Loki and Freyr are not pleased with this development. They're both of the mind that I really should work on finding a therapist sooner rather than later. I have been a few years now with out a therapist to help me keep my head glued together. My psychiatrist is wonderful. He's been exceedingly helpful and compassionate. But, when the psychiatrist, deities, and your mortal spouse are all in agreement that you could use a bit of time with a therapist again, it's probably time to think about it seriously.

Freyr is of the opinion that my problem is my complex post-traumatic stress disorder acting up again. He's rather firmly told me that I need to stop shoving my feelings into a box. I didn't think I was doing that. But, this year of Covid-19 has brought up all kinds of things from the past. And the weirdness going on with my body due to the diabetes has been bringing up more things from the past. I really guess I fell back into some bad habits. (And Loki says snarkily 'ya think?' as I type this.) 

They have both been pushing me hard to make health changes in my life. This ranges from "It would be good for your mental health to have regular contact with other adults in the world. So, you're going to go back to doing tarot readings on Keen for the sake of your brain. The money doesn't matter." to "This is your new daily schedule, see how you're going to be exercising EVERYDAY." It's been a challenging couple of weeks adjusting to the new schedule that we negotiated. 

The exercise has been probably the hardest part. The weather has been so cold that I'm doing light aerobic exercise as I pace the apartment because it's too cold to walk outside. I over did it the other day and Freyr's been a bit peeved with me for that. I believe his exact words about it was, "Just because you can do it doesn't mean that you should do it." I was really bored pacing and did 300 arm curls (with 2.2 lb weights in each hand) in the span of 20 minutes. It's taken me a week for my arms to stop hurting.

He and Loki are plotting something that involves my exercise stuff. As in, I've been getting random things about 'here's how to train for a marathon' in my email. My search history has been about tarot decks, goddess worship, and my local news. But, I think they want me to get myself back to the point where I could walk 3 miles at a brisk pace with out a problem.