Godspousery Notes: Hanging in like a cat on a window screen.

 The last several months have been challenging. I'm doing my best to just get through the day but it's pretty hard when you're not sleeping well. I've been having problems with onset and terminal insomnia (that is difficulty falling asleep and waking up too early). This has been an issue since August of last year. I am exhausted most of the time and very irritated that I don't have the energy to do all the things that I need to in order to keep the household running, let alone do the other stuff that I want to.

Freyr keeps telling me have a plan. I come up with a plan and he tells me to scale it back. Step and repeat. He's of the opinion that I keep demanding too much from myself on a regular basis. He's not wrong. I'd like to argue with him on it but I can't because he's not wrong.

Loki keeps telling me to slow down and rest. Which sounds really weird because I'm running at half speed and taking regular naps (which is probably not helping the sleep problem). But, Flame-Hair and Freyr keep conspiring together to try to raise my spirits. A rando plant that a neighbor gave me 10 years ago has suddenly burst into bloom and according to what I can learn, it's an orchid of some variety. Some random bits of good luck have come along to cheer me up. A major bit of random good luck came along to keep us safe when the EF0 tornado basically passed about a football field away from us.

Loki tends to look over my shoulder at my plans for the day and tell me that half of the list can wait for the next day. It's exasperating. But, it's probably accurate. It took me most of last week and a major meltdown to get the dishes done. It is looking like it's going to be just as hard to get the laundry taken care of. This is all simple housework that I should be managing on a daily basis but I just struggle to find the energy. It's exhausting. 

They keep telling me to rest. I'm not good at that. I keep pushing myself until something goes haywire and then I feel all guilty about it because that was how I was raised to do things. Not allowed to rest until all of the work is done. Try to rest before all of the work is done, there's going to be a horrific consequence for it. It sucked as I was a kid, let me tell you. But, I'm trying to take things slow and pace myself. Just doing the best I can and hanging in like that cat on a window screen with all claws deployed.