So, I'm going to try this experiment where I hold a conversation with the Egregore I created. I'm not sure how this will go. Text in a different color denotes the construct's part of the conversation. I don't know if it is sufficiently potent enough to hold some independence or not. This will be interesting.
Q: What is your purpose?
A. To assist in processing traumatic memories.
Q: Is your construction part of the reason why I have been having difficulty sleeping and more frequent emotional flashbacks?
A. This is my primary purpose, to bring material to the surface, sort, and categorize it for assessment.
Q: What is the process that is required to alleviate the trauma memories?
A. Identify the trauma, integrate the memories, and release the pain.
Q. Is there a hierarchy of trauma memories that must be processed?
A. Chronological assessment is the current mode of operation.
Q. How do you sort the trauma memories?
A. The most pervasive are first addressed.
Q: What is the integration process?
A. Repeat exposure of the memory until the dissociation response is extinct.
Q: Why do you have a menacing aura?
A. I am a repository of trauma from an early age.
Q: What information do you have for me at this time?
A. You are not your mother. You are worthy. Your problems sleeping are because you are reliving past events or projecting your fears onto future events.
Q: How might I make the integration process less arduous?
A. Write exhaustively about the experiences and your responses to them. Detail what your triggers are and how to handle them.
2/16/20
Egregore update.
Dear Reader,
I've been haphazard in feeding energy into the doll over the last several months. Been sick and busy with household stuff, like a lot of stuff for the family. The other day, I took the doll out of the bag and did some meditation on feeding energy into it. That was when it took on something of a generally creepy energy. Given that this doll is for shadow work, the creepy energy is appropriate. Even so, it was sufficiently uncomfortable that I put the doll back into the bag and set it aside.
Apparently, my passive feeding the doll by just focusing thought upon it when I saw the bag (which was sitting on the desk by my computer) was an effective thing. The goal of this poppet is to draw out the shadow aspects of myself so that I can work with them. I won't say that the poppet is disturbing. It's a cheapy Belle doll from Walmart that's at best three inches high. But it's starting to take on a quality that I've heard people describe dolls having - some sense of intelligence to it and an alien quality. I didn't exactly expect that to happen.
We're in the last quarter of the February moon. So, this is the time to be working with the poppet. I don't know how to go about that, now that it's picked up something of a spark. I do know, however, that the All-Father wouldn't have suggested this if it wasn't going to be helpful towards my goals. I'm probably going to sit down and have a 'chat' with it during this waning phase. I'll record that here.
I've been haphazard in feeding energy into the doll over the last several months. Been sick and busy with household stuff, like a lot of stuff for the family. The other day, I took the doll out of the bag and did some meditation on feeding energy into it. That was when it took on something of a generally creepy energy. Given that this doll is for shadow work, the creepy energy is appropriate. Even so, it was sufficiently uncomfortable that I put the doll back into the bag and set it aside.
Apparently, my passive feeding the doll by just focusing thought upon it when I saw the bag (which was sitting on the desk by my computer) was an effective thing. The goal of this poppet is to draw out the shadow aspects of myself so that I can work with them. I won't say that the poppet is disturbing. It's a cheapy Belle doll from Walmart that's at best three inches high. But it's starting to take on a quality that I've heard people describe dolls having - some sense of intelligence to it and an alien quality. I didn't exactly expect that to happen.
We're in the last quarter of the February moon. So, this is the time to be working with the poppet. I don't know how to go about that, now that it's picked up something of a spark. I do know, however, that the All-Father wouldn't have suggested this if it wasn't going to be helpful towards my goals. I'm probably going to sit down and have a 'chat' with it during this waning phase. I'll record that here.
2/4/20
Random stuff.
I'm not sure what the moon's age is, but it is a waxing crescent moon. My children have been happily saying hello to Máni when they see the moon in the evening. Máni is my youngest's favorite deity to talk to. They also like to talk to Sunna in the morning. Or when they see the sun come out after a cloudy day. They just like to talk to the gods and tell them about their day or whatever is on their mind. They'll also ask them to help with things like good luck and inspiration. And when there's strong winds they'll ask Aeolus or any other storm deity they can think of to calm the winds. High winds make them nervous, so it is reasonable that they ask the gods to ease them.
I haven't introduced them to Déa yet. I'm waiting for Eastre/Ostara to do that.
My kids have been asking questions about how worlds are made. I've been answering with scientific facts, as best I know them. Then comes the question of "But why does it work like that?" and "Where do the parts come from?" I've replied with "No one knows for sure. But the gods help make it happen." My youngest child, who is a huge Transformers fan has decided to ask the gods to make Cybertron real. He sat down and drew up blueprints for Cybertron and did his best to describe what it needed. Then he put that on the altar. I think it may be time to explain the concept of a multi-verse to him, this way he can stop obsessing quite so much with the concept of visiting Cybertron. If he knows that somewhere out there is another universe where Cybertron is real and another version of himself has visited it and is friends with Optimus Prime, perhaps it will help him be a little less obsessed with it. I don't know.
I haven't introduced them to Déa yet. I'm waiting for Eastre/Ostara to do that.
My kids have been asking questions about how worlds are made. I've been answering with scientific facts, as best I know them. Then comes the question of "But why does it work like that?" and "Where do the parts come from?" I've replied with "No one knows for sure. But the gods help make it happen." My youngest child, who is a huge Transformers fan has decided to ask the gods to make Cybertron real. He sat down and drew up blueprints for Cybertron and did his best to describe what it needed. Then he put that on the altar. I think it may be time to explain the concept of a multi-verse to him, this way he can stop obsessing quite so much with the concept of visiting Cybertron. If he knows that somewhere out there is another universe where Cybertron is real and another version of himself has visited it and is friends with Optimus Prime, perhaps it will help him be a little less obsessed with it. I don't know.
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