Ok, Goddess, I'm listening... see!

It's oddly ironic (in that colloquial sense, the way that doesn't jive with the definition of the word) that almost 90% of the witches that I know are going through the same experiences as me right now. It all started with that Beltain ritual, where Morrigan showed up and put her hand on my shoulder.

That was a very odd ritual to begin with, but having one of the goddesses of Death show up in a Mother-aspect was probably the strangest part for me. Though, I have noticed that I have a very ... strange relationship with the Morrigu. Morrigan told me that I was going to experience a time of testing again. (By the way, Stargazer, I'm sorry that she took over and decided to turn you into her mouthpiece. I know how... disrupting that is. :p)

That was all a few weeks ago, amusingly enough at the beginning of the waning of the moon. Since then, I've been finding myself challenged to get my health under more control. Not an easy thing for me, I'm rather lazy. I've also been getting challenged to get my mental state to a healthier place. It's funny, but I didn't expect for the challenges to be along the lines of making myself healthier. I'm pretty sure that she's not done throwing things at me to work on yet. Not when I'm actually making progress right now.

That's a sure-fire sign that she's got a bigger hammer waiting for me. I'm just wondering what precicely it is. Though I doubt that I'll get to have warning. When Doom, herself, is saying "Ok, time for you to get a pop quiz." You don't get cliff's notes.

I'm just hoping in all of this that I'm not going to fail myself. And I realize that is the larger problem that I keep getting goaded to take on. Which, in a round about way gets me to the big point I'm thinking about here.

We're so busy looking at things to be conquering outside of ourselves. We look for the latest challenge and newest concept to master. Our newest trick, if you will. It's funny how easily we run from the most basic and essential of challenges: ourselves.

And I am reminded of the statements of the Oracle at Delphi:

"Know thyself" and "Nothing in excess"


Meditation on the Pheonix

The pheonix is a wonderful image that almost everyone is familiar with. The legend is given in many different forms. In general, it is a bird that is born of an egg that is found in the ashes of a large fire. It lives for a period of time, a bird of pure fire, and then it builds itself a nest/pyre and burns to death. With the egg of the pheonix to be found in it's ashes. It is a story that is associated with the solar cycle and usually upheld as a bit of hope during adversity.

It's a special symbol for me. It is not simply a matter of hope during adversity.

Our strength within the core of beings is something that is like that pheonix. No matter what happens, it comes back. You try to destroy it and it will return, even when it seems to have been destroyed.

The pheonix is ... is a archetypal image that can mean anything from renewal to courage to the ressurrection of Christ. For me, it is a reminder of my ability to survive the hells that I've experienced.

And I know of others that are pheonixes as well. They have weathered the many different storms of pain, sorrow, and terror to emerge even brighter and more radiantly glorious. I hope that you, my friends, recognize your pheonix as well.


The Value of Chaos: Hail Eris & Loki.

Those of you who know me will realize that I've just comitted an a-typical act and mentioned deties that I usually will attempt to avoid to do so by any cost. Why, you ask?

Mentioning the names of these gods is generally an invocation and something of an invitation for them to vsit me. Having the gods of Chaos visit you can make for an interesting time. Though when rituals manage to include everything from the self-admitted pyromaniac burning themselves, stoves attempting to blow up, the ritual feast turning into a drinking game, and general mayhem, I find interesting is an understatement.

Eris has taken it upon herself to bless my home with chaos. It's been generally inspiriational as much of my recent writing has shown. I think since she's been exerting her influence I have done more painting, sketches, and poetry then I have in years. While my home is something of a study in domestic chaos due to laundry, projects, and dishes, it's become fertile ground for my husband and I to engage in our persuits.

Loki has brought general mayhem in his wake, as per usual. He visits frequently, even if I don't invoke him. At the same time, there has been a great deal more laughter in my home. That's by no means a bad thing. I may be tripping over stuff more often, but I'm now laughig more. And my husband has been laughing more and seems less stressed. On the whole, it's brought good things. Though much weirdness has ensued as well.

Chaos is not only a force like hail on fresh planted fields or that random storm that makes life difficult for us. Chaos is also what allows for chemical reactions to take place and keep life existing. It is the creative element in it's rawest form. It can also be a marvelous blessing.

In short, it is magic. And for it, I am thankful.

Even if I don't admit it too often.


Tarot meditation: 3 of Staves Reversed

On Facade, there is a tarot reading generator. It has been surprisingly accurate for me. That's rather unusual considering how infamous I have become amoung my friends who throw tarot cards for me. I'm rather difficult to read for. When about 90% of the time I have at least 1 major arcana and 1 court card in any given reading, including the simple 3 card spreads, it's a little hard for me.

Today, I did a reading and this is what I got:
3 of Staves Reversed: The card represents the critical factor for the issue at hand. Three of Staves (Virtue), when reversed: Dishonesty and conflict in affairs.

Part of the trick to reading tarot cards is to listen to your intuition. Part of the trick is to think about it in the context of what you are reading about and look for a vital part of the image that speaks to you about the matter.

As I looked at the card, I remembered the story of how Jason got the golden fleece. But before that struck me, there was one other thing.

The lies that had been told to me are being revealed as such. Lies about my value as a person. Lies about the supposed lack of strength to my chracter. And lies about if I am truly loved. And I'm facing some internal conflict over that.

The conflicts will be resolved as I confront the lies. And oddly enough, the conflicts that surround me that are encouraged by those lies, those will go away too. On one hand, conflict is not a good thing because it is painful and scary. At the same time, it is a good thing because it's clearing away the problems that have piled up infront of me and is making way for the truth to shine through.

I'll take a little internal conflict over living a life of lies any day of the week, despite how much I grumble over it.