12/15/07

Dreams

Oak Moon
Phase: Waxing crescent (age - 5 days)
Sign: Pisces

Weather: seasonably cold, high cirrus clouds, no precipitation and little wind.

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At one point, I had taught a dream interpretation class. This was a few years ago and many people felt that it was quite helpful to them. It is ironic, then, that I have a difficult time interpreting my own dreams. I generally don't worry too much about that minor glitch, I figure if I'm one of the lucky few who can actually read their tarot cards for themselves, then I shouldn't feel too badly about difficulty interpreting my own dreams. Even so, I admit I feel a great deal of fustration.

Recently, I have been having an old dream reoccur on a somewhat regular basis. A few weeks of insomnia concluded with this dream returning to me. Now, it's been a few nights of my having this dream and it's beginning to bug me. I know there is a message buried in it, and I suspect that my friend who helped me out some with interpreting it is right.

Perhaps this dream is indicating that I have some form of a spiritual conflict that I'm struggling with. It relates, I think, back to a few other conflicts that I've been struggling with that, ironically, deal with some dreams of mine.

With the birth of my son, one of my greatest dreams has been fulfilled. I am a mother. It is a blessing that I had yearned to have for a long time. With my marriage to my husband, another one of my dreams for my life has been fulfilled. The same is true with the completion of college a few years ago. Now, I find myself in a very uncomfortable position.

There are elements of past dreams that I have abandoned all around me. My dream of being a novelist rests on a small pile of floppy disks, a file folder of research, and three different versions of a manuscript. My dream of being a teacher is bound up neatly into a portfolio collecting dust on a shelf next to one of the versions of my novel manuscript. My dream of being a spiritual leader and teacher is scattered about with my different divination tools, books, and related items thru out my home. And there is some other thing that ties these different threads together that I feel present but I am afraid of.

My spirituality has been a very important part of my life. It is what has guided me and prompted me to take stock of the importance of my nightly dreams. They are messages to me from my soul's deepest recesses. Now, I find that I am struggling with a deep fear of a dream that I never felt worthy of. Even as I struggle with it, there is something pulling me forward. I can fight it, or I can swallow my fear and move forward on my own.

Either way, I believe the answer lies in my dreams.

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