Witchlings and kidlets.

Full Candles Moon (Age: 15 days)

Sign: Virgo

Weather: Unseasonably warm, cloudy, 

coming winter storm

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It is a challenging thing to engage my two boys in spiritual education. A part of me says that they're too young to be learning about such things. Another part of me says that they would benefit from the lessons in self awareness and ecology that comes with a pagan upbringing. When these two parts get into conflict, the result is one very frustrated Momma witch. 

I look at what other pagan parents are doing and I confess a touch of envy. Their children are doing little projects and crafty things. Getting my boys to sit down long enough to read a story is a task and a half. They just barely held their interest long enough to participate in the 'wishing candle' that we did last month. It is a struggle to tailor everything to their unique learning needs.

I'm desperately thankful for the fact that they've got professionals assisting them at school and for the progress they are making. I am striving to do the 'child lead' learning thing on this front but it is difficult. I'm attempting to resolve this with working on some child friendly books but I don't know how well they're going to go over with the boys. Not being sure how your audience will receive something is a rather awful feeling for any kind of artist.

I found some good ideas on About.com and I like the concept of getting the kids involved with rituals. They're very concrete in their thinking right now. Gods are a rather abstract concept. I'm striving to teach them to be gentle with plants and respectful of animals. I'd like to do a ritual but I don't know where to start. Looking at all of these wonderful ideas that other pagan parents have posted and I get frustrated.

Most of the ideas are great for children who are a bit more complex in their thinking then my boys. I want to get the involved but I don't know how. Add to this I am not sure how to approach the current 'Filianic Lent' season. I'm trying to pare down that which is not essential to my life and purify myself of unhealthy thought forms. I'm doing my best to wrap up the 'old business' from the last season. 

My book of prayers for Dea is closer to being ready for publication. My children's manuscript of myths is in the final organization state. I start writing in the immediate future. I have various handcraft projects that I'm finishing up and generally doing my best to get everything ready for spring. I'm not sure how much else I'm going to find myself doing between now and the Equinox. I do what I can with what I have.

PBP: Week 7: C - Contemplation

I just realized I mixed up the letters for the two weeks. I don't think that makes too big of a difference, however. After all, I am the only one keeping score on that front.

Contemplation is the other half of prayer. Prayer is vocalization of what we wish to express to the Divine. It is also the ability to 'listen' for their response. Deep consideration of what our intuition tells us, coincidental events in our lives, and the general chain of causality that follows on the heels of our prayer is what is known as contemplation. I strongly urge any and everyone to engage in it. Sometimes it helps us to find the answers to the questions we have and sometimes it helps us to find the hand of the Divine in our lives.

PBP: Week 6: D - Determination

Determination is the ability to dig your heels in and stick with what you have chosen to do. It is 'keeping your shield up' and pushing forward through adversity. Not enough people are willing to recognize the power in such a simple thing as determination. It is what makes the world keep going.

1 Year Covered!

Waxing Candles Moon (Age: 4 days)

Sign: Ares

Weather: Unseasonably warm, fair/partly cloudy skies

~*~*~*~*~*~

So, it occurred to me today, this month marks the end of a full year of wearing a head covering. Looking back over the year, I've come to a few conclusions.

1. Tichel styles are easy and look fantastic, with the right kind of scarf. Pashmina scarves do NOT work well for this type of look. And most of the square scarves I own are just shy of the right size to use for this. I need to correct this at some point in time.
2. Hijab-ish styles are easier then they look. They are exceptionally comfortable. Also, people in my area do not have as negative of a reaction to it as I had expected. There were some asshats (as there always are) but people have generally raised an eyebrow at most.
3. I need to wear something with a bit of height to it or I come out looking like a cancer patient. 
4. I have an almost unholy love of pashminas. Adapting tichel styles for use with them is NOT easy, but I am going to find away to do some of the tichel styles I love and flatter me!
5. Having my head covered has proven quite soothing in the face of anxiety and social phobia. I have also found that this is most effective with scarves tied relatively snug and layers. Hats, on the other hand, are not as much my style.
6. I do not feel right unless I have 90% of my hair covered when out in public.

I've reached the end of a year of head covering and I still feel pulled to do so. I wasn't sure if this was going to last a few months, let alone a year. Since engaging on this journey, I have found that covering my hair has served to help me focus and to give me something of a sense of protection when I go into unfamiliar places. This was not something that I had expected either.

I have also found that in taking this step, I have given myself permission to explore other aspects of my spirituality. I am also finding that I have a great deal more confidence in myself and what my intuition tells me. It has lead to deeper and more profound (and productive) spiritual contact with the deities I follow. On the whole, this has brought me health, happiness, and general well being. It has been a change for the better and I am going to stick with it.

An Invocation for Imbolc

This is also from the late 1990s.

Thrice blessed are you, Wise Brigid
Oh you, who granted the Bard his song
Oh you, who gifted the Druid his potent medicine
Oh you who has given the Smith his art
Keeper of the cauldron of knowledge
Guide my hand, oh Wise Brigid
Let my words be wise and true
Fill me with the blessed fire of inspiration
Aid me, Blessed Brigid, so I may learn the sacred mysteries of Truth

Channeled wisdom.

A collection of channeled material from 1997-1999.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A sound body and mind lends itself to a sound spirit. A sound body is healthy, clean, and strong. A sound mind is free from the doubts that encourage self harm, hungers for knowledge, and filled with creative fire. From these elements is a sound spirit forged.

Greet the day with joy and gratitude. Greet the night with tranquility and reflection. By this way do you begin to have peace. Live your life with a sense of wonder and a keen knowledge of the joys given to you. Even the smallest thing is a magical wonder to treasure.

Self-empowerment comes in many forms. Complete the smallest task in your day and take pride in the work, and that you performed to the best of your ability. You shall quickly find that by doing this the largest of tasks are the easiest and you can succeed despite any odds.

Every day, set a challenge and meet it. Each day, take time to remember your past. And each day, plan for tomorrow. Always grow and make time every day to learn something new. Constructive imbalance moves the wheel forward, destructive imbalance moves it back.

Magic is a way of thought, action, and worship. Everything within and about you is magic. Rejoice in the quickening of life in all points, even in death.

To heal, one must hold the will to survive and life. To hold the will, one must have a reason within themselves. That reason is courage; think as a warrior, live with courage.

Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is in the soul and it radiates outward, reflected in form and grace. It captivates the eye, mind, and heart of the beloved more certainly then any spell craft. From this captivation grows love. Love is its own magic, its own way. It has always been with you and yet it is always newly discovered. Such is the way of true magic, both simple and complex. Love is truth in its infinite reflections. Fear not its might, for it protects you from the harshest of blows.

Speak truth of your hear with out far. Truth shall shelter and protect you from harm. With simple words and honest ways, all things can be righted and the balance restored. At the end of it all, great things will have been achieved with out effort.

Follow your joy as you do your passion. Return to your place of power and find your joy. Cling to it as you would to a plank in the ocean. Let the truth's currents shape your path. They shall aid you in your joy and destiny. Fate's price has been paid.

Magic is the art of transformation.

Trance writings circa 1997

I don't even remember writing this. I found it in with some old sketches from high school. I think this is from 1997, but I'm not entirely sure. Either way, I'm slapping it up here. Tranced writing sometimes is interesting and sometimes it is bland.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am the Mother. My names are infinite, but always, I am the Mother eternal. All that is and ever shall exist are a part of Me. The universe is bound to Me as an infant who is growing within the womb. To some, I was impregnated by a consort. To others, I birthed myself through will and by this did I birth the universe. Both of these are true.

I am the Maiden, my heart trembling with emotion and I am a mystery to all who seek me. I am the child born of myself. I am the newborn psyche and the developed psyche before conceiving the child. To some, I am the laughing girl-child of Spring. To others, I am the chaste huntress of my mate. Either of these can be true, for I am both the child and mother.

I am the Crone. I am the bone-mother and iniatrix. I am the midwife of the mother, the teacher of the maiden, and the mother after birthing her child. I am the fairy maiden, youthful of form and ageless in spirit. All know me in names whispered, most powerful and enigmatic is that of death. All who fear me fail to see me as I am. For in transformation, I am the mother.

There are many who say that I am not the creatrix. Some believe that all that exist is a result of a creator. I am sorrowed for them because they fail to see that I show myself to the universe in many guises. My true form is so vast that not the greatest of minds and spirits can comprehend its way. To do so it to know the eternal ways and forms of the universe, a matter that is continually changing for I am the mother. I always birth new life into the universe.

Many of my children seek to know me as the mother. They look for me in many places but fail to see that they are but a part of me and that they have known me for all their lives. As the Wiccians have said, "Seek me within for I have been with you always and I shall be attained at the end of desire."

There are lessons that many forget because they are quite simple lessons. The mind often is so entrapped with complexities in this age that it dismisses the simple as unimportant. It is vital to embrace a simple path of life for it frees the mind to play in its puzzles and to celebrate life in simple joy.

Because my children are in need, I shall guide them. While these are the words of a woman, I impart my lesson through her. She is a teacher who brings my schooling to all who would listen.

PBP: Week 5: C - Compassion

Tying into the post for last week's theme, I'd like to talk about compassion. Compassion means to 'suffer with' another. It has come to be understood as kind acts towards other people (and beings). If you have seen some of my other posts, you will recognize that I feel that kindness is one of the most powerful forces in the universe.

Kindness is not limited to human. Studies have been done and observations have been made that animals exhibit kindness/compassion. At times going outside of their own species.

• Moko the dolphin saves two pygmy whales
• Dolphins work together to prevent an injured companion from drowning.
• Rats feel empathy and will act to aid companion rats

There are countless cases of dogs and cats adopting other dogs or cats young when rejected by their parent. There are also recorded cases of them adopting outside of their species. This is part of what is behind the concept of a 'feral child.'

 If we can have compassion seen in the 'lower' animals of the world, then humanity must get over their egoism and extend it to all the world. It doesn't require some sort of grand gesture. It can be as simple as lending a bit of time and willingness to hear another person's story. It can be picking up refuse that is left along the roadside. It can be pulling weeds from a flowerbed or making a feral cat shelter from spare materials.

I sincerely believe that each act of kindness is blessed.

PBP: Week 4, B - Beautiful

Beauty can be seen in many places. People forget, however, that their perspective of beauty is not the absolute. One could wax on and on about what is beautiful and what is not, in their own perspective. It is my opinion that to the gods we are ALL beautiful. All that exists, down to the most miniscule and grotesque thing, is beautiful in their eyes. Because what is existence if not their beloved children. We should keep this little thought in mind as we go through our world. Find beauty where it lies, treasure it, and realized that all are beloved.

First Ritual of the Year

Full Ice Moon (Age: 14 days)

Sign: Cancer
Weather: Some lake effect, high clouds, 

and bitter cold

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was a very simple little ritual with the boys. I took a birthday cake candle and put it in its own special holder. I then lit it. I brought it before the boys and told them that this was their wishing candle. And that they were to make a wish before blowing it out. After they blew the candle out, I put it on the altar and explained that their wish may come true by the next full moon. They were excited about that. They told me that their wishes were to get trains and to watch trains. Two very easy things for a crafty witchy Mom to make happen.

That business done, I put a few offerings up for the gods, the wights, and the dead. I also am using our oil diffuser to put a bit of rose essential oil into the air. I put the statuary back on the altar. It looks a bit more crowded now, but it feels more correct. Tomorrow, I will put the offerings outside in a hidden spot.

 

I hope that the gods, the wights, and the dead enjoy my offerings tonight. It was a bit of special fudge that I bought at the store to treat myself and some vodka. I plan on making another bottle of infused vodka over the next few months. I think I know what I'm going to infuse into it. I received a box of oranges from my maternal grandmother this week. I think I am going to take the peel from some of the oranges and use that to make orange infused vodka.

 

I think it will make something nice to give in offering. I have a jar of boozy peaches that I am considering decanting some of the liquor off to use for offerings. Again, I'm not entirely decided on how to approach that. I feel the urge to do more baking. I think when February's full moon comes, we'll do something with cakes and juice. If I do it right, I can ease the boys into a full ritual, possibly by the time Litha comes.

Entitlement.

Waxing Ice Moon ( 9 Days old)

Sign: Taurus

Weather: exceptionally cold (arctic temps), 

overcast with moderate lake effect

I am going to do something that I don't usually do here and talk a bit about a social problem that pops up everywhere of late it seems. If you listen to the politicians and their associated talking heads, you have a lot of nattering on about people who have an entitlement attitude. If you listen to the social commentators around, they go on about how people 'deserve' things. And then you have the endless advertisements that go on about stuff like 'get the credit you deserve'. There's also the subtle version of that 'get what you really wanted.'

Entitlement has several definitions. I'd like to think that the politicians are talking strictly about that third definition that has to do with benefits from government programs. I get the terrible feeling that they are actually talking about one having grounds to make claim of something. And that all of the arguments are over what people seem to opine are the legitimacy of others to things. Throw in a bit of confusion over what precisely those 'things' are and some sloppy word play... Well, you wind up with a mess.

I'm going to play out here an idea. If you agree with me, let me know. If you disagree, let me know. I would be *really* excited to see some discussion going on in the comments. :)

My idea:

What all people have a legitimate claim to (regardless of race, age, social status, nationality, creed, or any other distinguishing factors)

1. To live unmolested and in a fashion that is conducive to their well being
2. To have access to clean water, food, shelter, and other basic necessities of life
3. To be able to raise their children in accordance with their beliefs (whilst adhering to points number one and two in the case of their dependents)
4. To practice their chosen belief system (whilst adhering to prior points in all interactions with others)
5. To have free expression of their thoughts via what ever medium they wish to exercise (while... you know)
6. To have freedom of thought wherein they are not punished or penalized for their ideas, beliefs, or other thoughts even if they go against the majority - a person's mind is their kingdom and sacred ground that must be respected for it is the source of all autonomy

Here's what I think is not on the list:

1. A big house, fancy cars, or other trappings of wealth. Nice to have but you earn them and create them.
2. Power over other people. Dependents are a trust that belongs to future generations. They must be handled with care and dignity, for you are literally shaping the future in how you treat them.

I know that there's a lot that I didn't cover. If you feel that there is something that must be added, put it in the comments. If you feel that I was wrong about one of my points, let me know. I recognize society creates systems that control and manipulate all of these things. I also am of the opinion that society must be constantly subjected to a critical examination to determine if it is working for the good of all parties and enabling all people to live as genuinely as the possibly can.

PBP 2013: wk 3: B - Blessing

Blessings are not always the wonderful flowery things that people describe. Sometimes it is a roof over head, food in the belly, and dry clothes to wear. Sometimes it is a fire to drive back the cold. Sometimes it is have all the fingers and toes you were born with. And sometimes it is having a prosthetic to replace the ones that you lost.

Blessings are easy to find if you keep a grateful heart.

New Moon, new altar.

Waxing Moon (3 Days)

Sign: Pisces

Weather: Unusually warm, cloudy skies with threat of rain

~*~*~*~*~*~

A decision that I made is to observe the new moon by reshuffling my altar. It is my goal to keep up with this for every new moon as part of my effort to get back to being more consistent in my ritual observances. I still have a fair amount of my altar furnishings put away. This slick, trimmed back altar is a function of necessity rather then desire. 

My children are fascinated with the altar and have decided it would be a lovely thing to play with. I'm still in the midst of teaching them what it means. I think it's going to be a few months before they've figured out enough not to play with it.

That said, here is January's New Moon Altar pic!

Loki said he wanted one of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that I was having for lunch, so I gave him one. In the cup is the last of my Jameson whiskey. The little boat figurine is for Narvi. The crochet baggie beside it holds some other small offerings for Loki. In the silver bowl is a stone with a drawing on it that I am giving to the gods. Before the boat figurine is a stone that Cuddle Bear decided he was going to give to the gods. Away as the far left of the picture is one other offering that I honestly don't know what to do with it now. I made a crochet rose for Dea.

As I give more offering that are less food oriented or easily scattered for the wildlife, I don't know what I am going to do with it. I am considering a box for those things to go into. I don't know if that would be appropriate or not. I am sure that the gods will let me know how they want me to handle these things.

PBP 2013: week 2: A - Anger

Lots of people talk about anger. Lots of people have really insightful things to say on this topic. I'm not sure if my addition to the countless plethora of blog posts and articles is going to make much of an impact. It is, however, my deepest thoughts on something that I have found challenging for years.

Anger is a harsh emotion. It has the sharpness of a blade and can be used as such a tool. When used in a healthful fashion, it can be the surgeon's scalpel that excises illness from our souls. When used in an unhealthful fashion, it becomes the common thug's switchblade that is used to extort others or force them into acting against the validity of their own souls. Anger itself is a morally neutral thing.

I struggle with anger. The popular opinion that anger is a dangerous emotion has crept into my life and puts it into the realm of something to be controlled and withheld from view, lest it prove something too disruptive for others. Oft quoted aphorisms that talk about how anger is something we are supposed to remove from ourselves tend to pop up a lot on my Facebook feed and meet me on a regular basis when I am looking at how to best manage my illnesses.*

The real struggle that I face when encountering anger is not that wild, uncontrollable sense of anger that people talk about. It is owning my anger and embracing it when it is valid. We should not be a culture that decries any emotion. Emotions happen. They're our response to the world around us. We should be embracing them and upholding them as valuable.

Anger is what motivates me to act against injustice. Anger is what motivates me to speak up when I see someone being needlessly cruel. Anger is what pushes me forward when I find that my depression has overwhelmed me. Anger is not our enemy. Anger is as much our friend as pain. It tells us when something is wrong. It gives us the strength to fight for what is right. It is the voice that says "You will not ignore me. I am am a vaild human being. You WILL respect me."

I'm working to embrace that healthy aspect of anger. And I sincerely hope that others shall do so as well.

~*~*~*~*~

* I will be talking a bit more about mental illness and my own faith later this week. I'll be posting a link to that entry here in the foot notes.

PBP: Week 1: A - Absolutism.

Absolutism is the enemy of reasoned discussion. When one orients themselves to a fixed point and refuses to consider any others, even as an intellectual exercise, they stagnate in their ideas and concepts. Their brain becomes increasingly rigid and less adaptable to new input.

The pagan religions are coming close to their half century mark of renewed practice. In this time, the beginning of orthodoxy are starting to show its heads. (And I truly believe that a hydra is the best metaphor for this collection of ideas and its pervasiveness.) Mere superstition has come to replace theological exploration. Absolutism is making its presence known.

It is a seductive concept. We find comfort in things established as 'fact' and practices with a measure of 'history' behind them. We must not allow our desire for comfort to make us complacent in our spiritual efforts. We must continue to be the bold explorers that we started out as.

With out the quest for growth, we will die a slow death. Absolutism is poison and we must resist its siren song.

Contemplation

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 10 days)

Sign: Pisces

Weather: Fair, unseasonably warm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In my enthusiaism, I believe I accidentally offended the Filianic women that I have begun corresponding with. I seized upon the images here as wonderful modern icons. I was then explained that they would not be canonical and therefore inappropriate icons. I posted an apology for the uproar I created.

As I walked out to run my errands this morning, I prayed on this matter.

I struggle to see how this is a more fitting representation of the Lady. I am to understand that the birth of the Daughter is a spiritual birth. Apparently images of the Lady suckling her Child are not canon as well. I am trying so very hard to understand this.

I can accept that clothes prevent the sacred from being seen by those who would profane it.

I struggle with the idea that the natural state of humanity is incorrect. I have prayed on this and no illumination came. The Lady simply smiles indulgently. I think I am struggling with something that is a strictly human concern. I suspect this is why she says nothing and gives no indication as to if these images are correct or not.

I am trying so very hard to understand. I am at a place where I am not comfortable. So much is shaken up and in the middle of it all, there She stands.

Can't anyone help?

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 4 days)

Sign: Sagittarius

Weather: Mild, partly cloudy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm called to following the Goddess in the aspect presented from the Deanic/Fillianic perspective. As I do research and attempt to find others, I am instead finding dead ends. Abandoned blogs, closed websites, and groups that appear to be inactive. I am becoming quite frustrated. I don't understand why I am called to this, I don't understand how I am supposed to proceed.

I acted according to Goddess's prompting and I have been praying the Fillianic rosary. I look for other things that could possibly guide me more upon this path and I find nothing. I confess, I am very frustrated. I don't know what direction I am supposed to turn. I'm called to follow a monotheistic Goddess faith along side my strange from of heathenism. I struggle to make things work when I have been operating from a shamanic flavored eclectic Wiccan framework. 

A part of me is so frustrated that I want to cry. A part of me leapt at the prospect that perhaps I was joining a community of other believers. I find, however, that there is no one else answering my call. It makes me feel horribly alone to see where things had started and then floundered. I feel like I'm late to the party and those who are inside won't let me in.

The perverse irony of the feeling in the light of the Christian parable has not been lost on me. I don't know what to do. I'll say my prayers and just do my best to trust the Gods to know what they are doing.

Humility & other thoughts

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 3 days)

Sign: Sagittarius

Weather: Mild, light breezes, fair skies

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I've been focusing on the Mother Goddess over the last several days. She's inspired me to take some big steps after the ritual on Sunday. I sent a manuscript off to a publisher on Tuesday. Today, after a great deal of consideration and prayer, I wrote a letter to my Mom. And I'm sitting here working on my other writing projects with a consideration as to how to get them ready for publication.

All of this work, in the face of depressive and mixed episodes, it has been challenging. I've just been utterly worn out by the end of the day. That said, my home is clean (thanks to some assistance from my Aunt on Monday), my children are healthy, and my life is in some measure of order. I can't say this is something that came as a magical result of the ritual. But there is a distinct change to how I am approaching things.

The panic of everything is going to go wrong has lifted to a very large degree. I am also finding myself humbled by what I have accomplished. There is not the usual 'I don't understand? Doesn't everybody do this?' thought going on. I am looking around and realizing that I do a lot of hard work. And that I do it well. This kind of realization is fostering a sense of personal pride and just leaving me in a mild state of amazement. 

Today is not a mixed episode, depressive, or manic day. Today is just a 'normal' day. And I am seeing enormous impact here from that ritual. It gives me hope that I will continue to improve as this goes on. I am going to make a point of accepting the Mother Goddess's love. I am going to make a point of communicating to her my gratitude. And I am going to try to reach out to others who follow her.

When the Asier, Vanir, and Jotnar are all encouraging me to do this, it has to be something important. Now I just need to get matters settled with Loki. Flamehair wants me to act as a major priestess. My initial answer was 'No, my boys can't handle the chaos.' The discussion is now transitioning into one of what is needed to make that happen. If Flamehair wants me to do this, he will work with me to make it possible and to make sure that it doesn't create problems for my family. I must admit, however, his occasional bribe suggestions have been funny.

A Prayer

Ave Matris.
Ave Filia.
Ave occulta Deae,

Praying the Filianic Rosary

Waning Wine Moon (Age: 25 days)

Sign: Leo

Weather: Fair skies, seasonable temps.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I just finished praying the Filianic Rosary. I did so as instructed on the Mother God website. I meditated upon the sacred mysteries as directed. I wasn't sure what to expect from this.

I am sitting here on the verge of tears. Let me start from the beginning, because I am rather starting in the middle of things.

As I was getting my materials together (my written copy of the prayers and one of my goddess rosaries), I thought about the concept of being in spiritual exile and sin. I thought very carefully about this point. It is one that has continually rankled me about religions that have a salvation focus. So, before I started to do these prayers, I examined this point.

It occurred to me that exile need not be banishment. Indeed, exile is not always self induced. The question arises, then, how could the term exile apply to me? I have resisted this term because of the heavy Christian connotations that we have 'chosen' our distance from the Divine or inherited the condition by virtue of our birth. It struck me like a thunderbolt that I could quite easily describe myself as in exile.

Am I exiled from some treasured homeland? Not exactly. And my exile wasn't self imposed. My exile comes from being forced away from the loving relationship that I so deeply desired with Mother. The barriers between myself and this relationship are my conditioned fears and behaviors. When I realized that, suddenly the anger at the concept of exile melted away. Beneath it, I found a deep sense of grief.

I then looked at the question of sin. I have not knowingly committed crimes against any Gods. Then a quiet voice whispered to me from within myself, that I have. In my failure to love and care for myself, I have committed a great sin, a great crime against the Goddess within me. The sense of grief deepened.

I then looked at this and the cycle of self neglect and self abuse. I realized that I did need a guide out of this state. I recognized that such a guide could be termed as a Savior. It was as though something suddenly became unlocked and I had the blinders that I had been wearing fall off. In the light of this understanding, I gathered together my things and decided to pray.

At first, the prayers were mechanical and awkward. As I moved deeper into them and eased into trance, I found myself tearing up at the parts where I plead for the Goddess's comfort and aid. I still feel that half painful sorrow. I tried to keep my focus on the mysteries. This, however, was subtly pushed aside as a vision came over me.

For the first time in years, I found myself back in that place of cobalt blue light. Within the light, there was a figure. It looked like all of the icons of the Virgin Mary. She stood before me, her arms out stretched. Roses were beneath her feet of all colors. Their scent hung heavy in the air, so much so that even after I finished praying, I could still smell them. I stood before her, struggling with the urge to burst into tears. I took a few steps forward and she took me into her arms.

I then came out of the trance. I still revere and follow the Aseir, Vanir, and Jotnar. I don't know how Dea is going to figure into this. The thing that I had been searching for in my quest to build a relationship with Goddess has been revealed. I had gotten a glimpse of it in the past and it was so very, very powerful. It was something that nearly drove me to my knees. I have found it again.

Ave Dea.