Contemplitive Ramblings

Waning Blood Moon (Age: 17.4 days)
Sign: Aquarius
Weather: Cloudy & damp,
high wind warnings in effect

Contemplation is defined as deep, reflective thought. Some contend that it is a form of prayer. Others argue that it is not. This debate really doesn't trouble me. It is a non-issue, to be honest. Those who fall on either side of this matter tend to detract from the action and its value when they decide to engage in their arguments. As such, I bow out of that discussion and this is the extent of my addition to it.

I admire the poetry and mystic writings of the Beguines. Their focus upon divine love makes me feel a deep sense of kinship with them. The poem below I find particularly resonant:
Love has subjugated me:
To me this is no surprise,
For she is strong and I am weak.
She makes me
Unfree of myself,
Continually against my will.
She does with me what she wishes;
Nothing of myself remains to me;
Formerly I was rich,
Now I am poor: everything is lost in love.

~ From Here
It is perhaps the clearest depiction of what I have experienced in my relationship with the gods. I am a free woman. I can do as I choose. I am, however, overwhelmed by the Love of the gods for me. I could theoretically choose to act against their Will. That Love, however, continually pushes me into close alignment with them. I could theoretically deny them. Love, however, puts their names in my mouth continually.

It is confusing at times. It is difficult at times. Sometimes, I do attempt to resist but I always wind up back at the same place. I always find myself in their arms. It doesn't matter if I am healthy or sick; confident or unsure; bold or frightened. I am always there in that place of deafening quiet that marks their presence. They never reject me. They never abandon me. It's simply not possible because they have laid their hands upon me and marked me as theirs.

When my life is at it's darkest and I feel most alone, they send me aid and succor. It has come in the form of unexpected kindness, a sudden upwelling of strength, and moments of crystalline clarity that strike like lightning bolts. It is hard to remember this simple truth. Then they remind me.

As I struggle forward through depression (again), I will do my best to remember their kindness and love.

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