10/7/11

Mental Health & Spiritual Health

Waxing Gibbous Blood Moon (age: 11 days)
Sign: Aquarius
Weather: Fair skies, cool but seasonable
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I have been having snippets of things that I had dreamed of coming to pass. A part of me is uncomfortable with this. My discomfort is in the fact that this is something that has always marked me as something other. My psychic gifts are not some trifling thing that I can pick up or put down when ever I want. Sometimes it feels as though they're more of an affliction then a blessing.

For a while, I feared that my psychic gifts were not real. I feared that they were but another sign of madness. It took a stay in a psychiatric ward and experiencing strong medication for me to realize that my psychic gifts were real and entirely separate from my mental illness. So many people assume that you are lying when you tell them the truth about something like this. It is a sad world we live in to have such a jaded approach to everything.

Gods and goddesses associated with madness seem to think I'm a 'good kid' and have proven to be a powerful source of comfort as I struggle with my illness. It is amusing to see how so many 'normal' people portray these gods and goddesses as villains or buffoons. It's like looking at a cartoon and having people tell you that the cartoon is what the real image looks like. Mice do not wear gloves and red shorts with suspenders. Clark Kent isn't really Superman.

I have been working to build more compassion for myself in my life. It is very telling when I have the Norse God of Chaos telling me that I have been too hard on myself for too long. Or that it is alright to admit my fears and there is no shame in weeping when grief overrides me. This compassion is not something that is the 'textbook' image of Loki. And that's ok. The people who were writing the 'textbook' failed to look beyond the Christianized sources and propaganda against the old pagan faiths.

I suspect that my relationship with Flame-Hair is more like what there was back in the old days.

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