Waxing Frost Moon (Age: 2 days)
Weather: Unseasonably warm, rainy with
Somewhere in my frenzy of research, I read somewhere that Freyr's gift is the thing that gets us out of bed when we're ready to give up on everything and the spark of life that keeps pushing us forward no matter how badly we're injured. He's clearly had a hand in my life for a long while then. Being depressed, I have a hard time feeling his presence.
The day before the mixed episode started last week, I felt a hand running through my hair. It's always been a gesture that has soothed and comforted me. I think that was him. I've been struggling today. I keep trying, though, because there's just this force deep inside me that keeps pushing me forward. It's why I haven't just deleted the novel that I'm writing even though I feel like every word of it is garbage. It's why I ate lunch today when I just felt like forgoing food because I wasn't in the mood for it. Honestly, it is why I'm blogging here right now.
I think Freyr is what is pushing me forward when the depression is pulling me down like quicksand. It helps to see that he is with me even when I feel utterly worthless. I'm not saying that this push to keep moving forward is all him, but I think he is a big part of it. I'm thankful for his presence. It helps to know that he's in my corner even when I can't feel him there.