This is not the first time I have had to mercy kill an animal. Like the first time (almost two years ago a baby bird fell out of a nest and broke its wing), I did my best to make sure that the creature suffered as little as possible. In Swimmer's case, it was a fatal dose of a fishy anesthetic (clove oil, if you ever need to use it). In the birds, it was breaking its little neck. In both cases, I felt horrible about doing it.
I passionately love life. Even when I am
suicidally depressed, I still have a deep love of life. The act of
ending another life grieves me. I have had times where I seriously
considered going vegan because of how much it bothers me that other
lives must end so that I may live. But, unlike the case of life feeding
on life to survive, the act of extinguishing the life of another
creature with no benefit to myself feels dirty.
Krasskrova spoke of miasma a little while back. She mentioned something
about how dead bodies are sources of that contagion. I can whole
heartedly agree with this proposition and I can state, first hand, that
the instant life leaves the body miasma is present. Lingering illness
has its own miasmic qualities. In the case of Swimmers 2.0, the miasma
of his illness and death had me feeling deeply disturbed and filthy.
cleansing helped some with that, as did utterly scouring and cleansing
the tank. Still, it took me a little over a week to right myself after
that. Swimmers was a typical betta fish. Some people would say that I'm
too soft hearted for being as disturbed by the fact that I had to kill
him as I was. I am fairly certain that feisty little fish has progressed
onto another life. If the way he met his death is any indication of how
his next life is going to be, Swimmers in his next incarnation will be a
force to be reckoned with.
For my part, I'm going to
do my best to honor his memory by making sure that his replacement (a
white betta named Ghost) lives a long life. Aside from that, I think it
is going to take a while for me to again have warm fuzzy feelings
towards the scent of cloves.
Original Post Here.