7/24/17

Dreams and thoughts.

Waxing Grain Moon (Age: 1 Day)
Sign: Leo
Weather: Seasonable, fair/partly cloudy skies
Flash Flood Warning
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My dreams over the last few weeks have been very vivid. I don't know if this is because of my hypomania or if it is something else. I do, however, think there is something more to them than the dreams just being random brain chatter.

I have been dreaming of snakes, spiders, and other sorts of animals/creatures that shed their skin. I am getting the distinct impression that I am about to go through or currently experiencing a time of transformation and self-renewal. I also get the impression that I must change or I am going to be unwell.

I am not entirely sure what this means. I mean, I understand that I need to change but I'm not entirely sure what areas I need to make changes in. I know that I am stalled in a few areas on making changes. My knees being difficult over the last few weeks because of the extra humid weather has made it challenging to get even my morning yoga exercises. Getting in a half hour walk is a bit harder because of the kids having summer school right now, but we are making regular trips to the park (we are walking despite the fact I have the car because I want that exercise for us). The intermittent rain over the last several days has made going to the park a less than ideal thing. Lightning makes me really not want to bring an umbrella or my cane (which is metal). Not being a lightning rod is good for my health, after all.

The thing that really threw me for a loop was Grandmother Spider showing up and then transforming into Loth. (If you've played D&D you may recognize that name. Because the Queen of Spiders is far reaching and a major player in almost any subterranean campaign.) Now, I know some would be taken aback by the idea of Grandmother Spider taking a guise of a well known evil character but I would like to kindly remind you that I tend to view 'evil' characters as ones who are outside the 'standard' moral perspective and should be considered upon their own merits. But, I think the biggest thing about the transformation, aside from being something that confused the hell out of me, was that the message that I needed to transform in a very large way that incorporates my core sense of self.

Along with a message about not being 'nice' all the time. That, however, touches on something that it a little bit too personal to share right now. But, it is clear that I need to be more aggressive about how I approach things and not worry about being the 'bad guy'. It is a big change from how I have been approaching life over the last several years, which has been mores passive and based in anxiety that standing up and saying something is dangerous for me.

So, that's something that's happened. I'm still working through it. (Minor side note, I also associate spiders with Loki. I'm not entirely sure where that started, only that they seem to walk on air and do their own thing. I have other reasons but my brain is not slowing down enough to let me get them out. (It's been making writing anything difficult because I'm playing catch up with myself.)

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