2/2/12

Synchronicity or Sign?

Waxing Gibbous Hunger Moon (Age: 9 days)
Sign: Gemini
Weather: cloudy, cool but still unseasonably warm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My depression is making a comeback. A part of me says I should just chalk this up as a bad day or possibly some sort of premenstrual hormonal fun. Looking at my mood for the last several days, however, I'm finding my temper is growing shorter and my outlook on life is progressively turning bleaker. It is something that bears watching, though I still can't shake the feeling of apprehension that something ... unpleasant is waiting me on the other side of my counseling session tomorrow.

Now, one may wonder why I'm rambling about my psychological health. Two reasons for that, actually, one is because it's part of the constellation of things on my mind right now. Secondly, I am firmly convinced that our psychological health can directly influence our spiritual health. As I was confronted multiple times today with a sense of despair, I found myself questioning the authenticity of my spiritual experiences. It... It is distressing have sudden bouts of despair just descend upon me with out any real warning. It colors my view of just about everything in my life.

Strive as I may to counteract this, it is at times a relatively futile thing to attempt to do. So, I was sitting in the car, waiting to pick up the food that I ordered for Beloved and I to have for dinner when a fortuitous thing happened. Recently, I've taken to listening to the born-again Christian radio station. It's not out of any passionate love for Christ as much as it is less static then other stations and occasionally entertaining. As it happened, this was the radio station that the car was tuned to. I wasn't paying it much mind when the pastor speaking began talking about discouragement.

It was surprising. His teaching on discouragement was quite coincidental and focused upon an entirely different audience. At the same time, I found it to be helpful. I realized that in the midst of my efforts over the last several weeks, I had been becoming discouraged in several areas. Partly due to a measure of psychological/emotional exhaustion and partly due to my difficulty seeing where I was making progress in much of anything in my life.

The admonishment to pray when confronted with these feelings was like a light bulb turning on in a darkened room. Such a simple thing to do and yet... I hadn't even considered it an option.

Now, I know there are some who would argue this is merely synchronicity. Others would state that it was a sign that I should consider conversion to some flavor of Christianity. I contend that just as the Christian god is likely to use events with non-Christians to get a message across to Christians, so too is it likely that the goddess will send a message via unexpected sources to her people.

Is it a sign? Yes, I think so, but not that I should cast aside my religion. But rather, a sign that my goddess is keeping me in her thoughts and wants me to turn to her no matter how small and insignificant I feel that I am.

No comments: