I'm a bit of a librarian.

 Dear Reader,

I have a bit of a library I accumulated over the years. Most of my books are in good condition. Some that I picked up second hand are in poor shape but still readable. At the following link, you will see a partial list of my library. I ran out of spoons to list everything. I'm probably about halfway through the shelf.

Cydira (aka Lady Brythwen Sinclair)'s Library

Book Review: The Joy of Praying the Rosary

Title: The Joy of Praying the Rosary
Author: Msgr. James M. McNamara
Publisher: Ressurection Press Date: 2003

Pg. 49 - The Kingdom of God is simply love.

Pg. 51 - Why are moments of feeling God's presence during prayer typically rare?

"One burden is the experience of trying to express to others what seems too ineffable for words." - True!

Pg. 52 "All is gift. All is grace. The only proper response to a gift is gratitude." - True!

- surrender = acceptance

- Did God have a choice regarding the Crucifixion?

Pg. 59 "Jesus suffered as expitation of our sins." Why did Jesus have to suffer?

Pg. 64 Why does/would Jesus love me?

Pg. 65 "[...] pray as you can, not as you can't and do not try to run faster then grace."

The suffering of humanity described on pg. 67 reminds me of the book of Job.

Pg. 70 "Only in God will we find true joy and lasting peace."

- This reminds me of Augustine's statement about the soul's longing for God.

Pg. 72 "[...] He [Jesus] gives his life through forgiveness. In the midst of His agony He speacks to His beloved Father: 'Father, forgive them for they know not what they do [...]." - mercy & unconditional love?

Msgr. McNamara says Jesus quotes Psalm 22 in that statement. I should look that up.

Luke 24:5 - past vs present?

Pg. 84 lesson- let go past. Give it to God.

Pg. 87 "[...] let us pray for the gift of perserverance."
- Home is where love is.

[Edited to add: I still find myself deeply moved by this text. It may not be something that is of the faith that I practice, but there is a great deal of truth in it.]

Originally Published: 8/23/06

NOTE: Some of my notes make sense to me today looking back on this. The rest I need to grab a copy of the book and read the context for it. I really should have done a better system for notation here.

The Importance of Mythopoetic History

The subject is mentioned in many of the public sites that discuss Filianism but it is not really discussed. Perhaps because many feel that it is simply enough to say that it matters and it is more 'real' when compared to literal history. I, however, believe it is important to take a moment to explore what mythopoetic history is and why it is important. Because mythopoetic history is very important and has a powerful influence on how entire cultures view themselves.


Literal history is just that. The history that can be proven factually with evidence. It is what most archeologists and historians study. While some argue that literal history is the only form of history, there are also those who deny that historical events happened. (I'm looking right at you, holocaust deniers.) While it is tempting to say that literal history is the only history of the world and humanity, it fails to take in the more subtle aspects that can be only inferred from historical artifacts.



Mythopoetic history is the story we tell ourselves about our origins. Each culture (and subculture) has a different mythopoetic history. Mythopoetic history is fluid and exists in a mutual relationship of influence upon the culture it operates upon/within. The tales of the ancient Greeks, including the great myths of the gods, the great stories of heroes (The Odyssey is perhaps the most well known of them.) and the folklore of the people, make up their mythopoetic history. It tells them where they came from, how the world works, what it means to be a person, what it means to be respectable, and what is to be unforgivable behavior in their society. Mythopoetic history is influenced by cultural shifts.



As such, when you look at the changes to these myths with the passage of time, it becomes apparent what values changed and about when it happened. It is also possible to gague the influence of social stressors, such as economic problems and war, through the evolution of the mythopoetic language of a society. Modern Greece's mythopoetic history is very different from ancient Greece. It is heavily influenced by literal history because of the high value that is placed upon such things in their society now. Elements of the ancient mythopoetic history will remain in that culture's 'story' but they will be reinterpreted and reenvisioned to fit the modern societal conditions.



It is possible for mythopoetic history to be changed in a fairly short period of time. If one consideres the social engineering and manipulation of what became the Nazi Party in the era of the Weimar Republic, the sweeping changes to how the German people viewed themselves was enormous. It built upon several core elements that make up mythopoetic history and then presented them in an attractive fashion, at an aggressive pace. The success of their social engineering is partly due to the fact that the German people at the time were desperately looking for better ways to define themselves and remove the onus of shame that they felt because of their conditions. Another reason why it was so successful was because it acquired patronage from individuals highly placed within the society.



Shifts in mythopoetic history must be grounded in a sense of where the culture comes from, who and what they standfor, and why they have the troubles they do. It must answer the basic questions of existence that go beyond 'where did humans come from?' and 'how did the universe come into being?'. It addresses the questions of what our relationship with the universe should be, what our cultural origins are, and addresses the attributes of a 'good' citizen. When these shifts are well placed and timed correctly, they seem to the person within the structure of the mythopoetic history to be a seamless transition.



Studying mythopoetic history is an important thing. Observing how it is shaped and how it evolves makes it possible for one to have a clear picture of the state of the given society, its values, and its norms. Just as mythopoetic history can be changed through skillful manipulation, it can be retained as well. Some elements of mythopoetic history will persist as folklore simply because one can not erase anything completely from memory. Other elements can be adapted to the evolving culture and retain much of their original concept, with new ones applied to it as well.



One may wonder why mythopoetic history is so important. It is important from an anthropological and sociological position because it depicts the things about the culture that it valued about itself and the world. It is also important from a layman's perspective because it is what is at the heart of political movements and change. If one has a clear understanding of what previous mythopoetic history said about their culture, it becomes possible to affect change in the present mythopoetic history. A fine example of this is how the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s forced a change in how the cultural story of the black community was placed in society. The transition away from that earlier view is still in process, but there is enough of a change that governmental shifts have been made.

What have the Gods done for me?

Waxing Sap Moon (Age: 9 days)

Sign: Cancer

Weather: Warm, fair skies, flood 

watch due to snow melt

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The lovely and admirable Galina Krasskrova posted a series of questions on her blog at her website. In an effort to post more frequently on here, I will be using these questions as blog prompts. There may be some cross posting between this blog and Veiled Witch. It is my hope to be updating according to the moon phase. Right now, however, I wanted to make up for a bit of lost time by posting today. Another post will come on the full moon as well.

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What wealth have the divinities brought into your life?

Oh my goodness, I have no idea where to begin answering this question. Pretty much all of the good that has come into my life has been either the direct fruit of the work of the Gods or something I have done as a result of their urgings. I think the first of all the list to come to mind is my very life. I was in a terrible relationship in high school. The young man in question was physically and emotionally abusive. After an incident where he had raped me, I missed my period. Looking back on all of that now and what happened to my body, I now realize that I was pregnant.

The God took me into his arms a short time after I realized this and I miscarried. This miscarriage happened at the same time I realized that I could not stay with this young man (whom had asked me to marry him and planned on giving me an engagement ring when he came home from basic training for service in the Navy) because he was going to kill me some day. The abuse continued to escalate with him as time went on, you see, it started out with comments and then progressed to sexual abuse. And then the sexual abuse began to include things like him threatening me with a hunting knife and telling me that he was going to carve me up if I left him.

I honestly believe that this realization and miscarriage saved my life. I am most sincerely certain that they were a result of the Gods actions in my life. Additionally, I believe that their intervention is why I graduated college. I had an exam for a class that I was in danger of failing that I needed to pass in order to graduate. A freak hailstorm happened at the time I was working on my exam. I then found out later that I not only passed the class (which I had assumed had to have been by the skin of my teeth when my professor announced this to me) but that I had passed the exam with a perfect score.

I also attribute the fact that my little book has been successful to the Gods as well. It was at their encouragement that I wrote it. It was also as fulfillment of a promise that I published it. To not only have learned that my little book has been helpful to others but that it has been cited in scholarly material, it has left me completely astounded and profoundly grateful.

In the Shadow of Spirit

In the Shadow of Spirit: Personal Glimpses of Spirit in Depression
(Dated: Spg. 2001)

As a woman, as a witch, this is alien ground for me. I am here studying at a Catholic college, a place where a faith unfamiliar to me is upheld as the moral guide and standard. When in need of solace, a student is advised to pray or to speak with their spiritual councilor, usually their minister or priest. The language used here speaks of the Christian God, the triune God that is embodied for that Catholic faith in God the Father; God the Son, or Jesus Christ, the Savior; and the Holy Spirit of GOd.

The rituals and practices of Catholicism are woven into the spirit of the college like a subtle gossamer thread that binds the disparate students to the faculty, and these lay people to the Convent and the clergy present here. They do their best to welcome all to their worship services, making them very public and open. All they ask of a visitor of another faith is respect and understanding. Most of the School Sisters of Notre Dame, if not all, I have found give the same respect and understanding to other faiths that have been encountered on campus.

The warmth and kindness that I have seen here has proven to be a reversal of my fears and expectations. Many in my faith are taught that witches and those who were like us were and still are persecuted with prejudice by all Christians, with special emphasis placed on Catholics. Yet, here, on this small, intimate campus, I find myself surrounded with the warm and loving embrace of common humanity and a special sense of sisterhood with the nuns here. They have encouraged my growth and study of my faith, in many respects they have offered guidance to me in my study.

In my hours of darkness, which sadly have been many, I have found myself reminded of the unfamiliar ground that I tread here. The gentle love for their fellow humanity and the motherly wisdom of the Sisters has been a support for me, but it can only sustain me for a limited point. I find myself facing questions, questions that not even their kind guidance and suggestions can help me answer. These are questions of spirit and of faith, which are sadly of a different spiritual language then that of Catholicism or Christianity.

I have often struggled in facing my womanhood; the focus of this struggle has often been on the after effects of being sexually assaulted and raped at one point in my past. The answers that have been suggested for the question of 'why' have ranged from "God working in mysterious ways" to "having the experiences to teach others how to be safe." In counseling and through my study of the psychology of survivors, the horrific randomness and senselessness of the violence perpetrated on me cuts through these potentially soothing answers. Thus, I am left with no spiritual support on which I can lean when I find my wounds bleed too heavily for me to lift my head, let alone walk through life with the strength to carry my own weight and that of my history.

The bleeding of these psychic wounds, wounds to my memory and spirit, manifests in my problems with depression. They are aggravated by the blows and challenges I encounter in my life and world, at times simply oozing proverbial blood and others bleeding heavily and full of the foul stench of putrefaction. I have often yearned simply to lay down, to let myself succumb to the desires to do away with myself or let my situations continue to abuse me, thereby obliterating any sense of self that would need protection or care.

This yearning is an expression of the deep exhaustion I feel, for the fight has been long and hard. When misery casts its hand over me, I find that I stumble into a shadowed place where spiritual strength is hidden from me. It is then that I wish for the sleep of death, and the rest that would come to my spirit in the other world that it journey to, be it the Heaven of my Catholic sisters or the Tir NanOG of my own path.

In these times of darkness and the desire for sleep, something pricks me and keeps me fighting. It ranges from anger to love to something unnameable. It is this nameless force that has given me to believe that perhaps a spiritual answer is in my own faith for what happens to us when we suffer, even if there may not be a higher cause of it. Each fleeting contact with this nameless force, I find myself aware of the large breadth of suffering in the world, if not the Universe. It was a meditation on the cross and the Passion of Jesus Christ that brought me awareness of what this nameless force could most likely be.

Often, it is taught that Jesus suffered on the cross for the sins of the world, to place his blood between the hard gaze of God and the world. In this ultimate sacrifice, the Son of God mediated for the well being of his breathren humanity. I see many expressing this Christian mystery in the words "Jesus suffered for you" on everything from jewelery to bumper stickers. This mystery begs a question, though. If a relationship with anyone is reciprocal, would your suffering, in any form, be for Jesus?

As I continued with this thought, it came to me in a sudden flash of inspiration that when we suffer, we do not suffer alone. Not only is their solidarity in our fellow humanity, who in many circumstances would suffer with us, but we can find that the unnameable higher power that is called God by the Christians, or Goddess by witches like myself, suffers with us. Some would argue that suffering must be exalted, for some noble cause or religious reason, for this to be true. I can not honesty say this, because in the use of the expression "Jesus suffered for you" it becomes possible to say that Jesus suffered with hunger, insult, or even mild discomfort for our sakes, because the statement does not specify the cause of his suffering.

In my own faith, we are taught that the Goddess is within us and that we are a part of her. This makes it a very real teaching for one to say that the Goddess suffers with us when we are harmed. When we suffer moments of weakness, so too does the Goddess. Arguing that the higher aspect or power of the Universe can only feel positive emotions or "righteous" emotions is foolish. Who are we to know the mind of God or Goddess or whatever name you call this higher power by?

We barely know our own mind and nothing about the mind of other humans. We have not yet begun to truly know anything about the workings of the world, let alone the mind of the world. And yet many would dare to say that the Divine mind is not touched by feelings of sorrow or other 'base' emotions. Our ignorance is a blessing and a curse. It shields us from truths that we are not ready to know and it constrains us to learn through trial and error about the Divine. In my times of depression and sorrow, I often find that I reflect on the fact that we cannot know everything about the higher aspect of the Universe.

This mystery frightens me, because it is the unknown. Perhaps some day, this fear will fade from my heart, because there is much about myself that is unknown and I do not fear myself. In the end, the advise of the Sisters lead me to this revelation. It was through their own religion that I came to a truism about mine. Our spiritual languages may be different, but perhaps our problems of spirit are the same. I can say that through each moment of darkness and spiritual weariness, I have learned something of my faith and myself.

When I emerge from them, I am transformed and I find that I am perhaps stronger, or my own strength has been proven to me. In this respect, suffering is a blessing to be welcomed into our lives. But suffering is not joy, and I suspect that joyful suffering can not exist. Suffering is pain, and while pain is perhaps the greatest teacher, it is not to be trifled with. For even when our spirits yearn to rest, we are still challenged by the shadows of spirit even as we are challenged by the light of its wisdom.


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Addendum:  This was written while I was still learning the deeper theology of my faith. My position upon the matter of suffering has evolved greatly. I feel, however, that it is important to present this to show how my understanding has evolved and developed.

Domestic Goddess & I

Waxing Sap Moon (Age: 8 days)
Sign: Cancer
Weather: Overcast, warm, high winds expected
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Over the last several days, I have been contemplating the idea of the Goddess as a domestic figure. Images throughout history have shown goddess figures engaged in domestic tasks. Indeed it was part of the mythology of the world's cultures to have goddesses who specialized in such things.

With the advent of Christianity, the Blessed Virgin Mary took up the cause of domestic cares in her iconography. Various saints have been ascribed to watch over everything ranging from weaving to house cleaning. Domesticity is nothing new in faith of any sort.

Indeed many images modern such as the one above from Eric Gill and in antiquity have shown this. It is a curious thing, then, that I haven't taken such an idea as a 'domestic Goddess' and incorporated it into the worldview that I work with. As I have made progress in my efforts to recover from psychological trauma, I am discovering aspects of the Goddess that I have neglected to consider in my efforts to flee from those aspects in myself.

It was a rather upsetting realization. I am learning, however, that the Goddess is not troubled by such things. As I learn to connect with her again on an intimate level, I am finding that I feel a strong pull to embrace images such as those of the knitting Madonna and such. It has been a learning experience.

I am finding that such images are becoming foci for meditation. And with meditation upon them, I am discovering aspects of myself that are intimately twined with them. It is as though I have opened Pandora's box to discover that instead of the fabled plagues and evils of the world, it contains treasures and great blessings. So, I am striving to keep the domestic aspect of the Goddess at the forefront of my mind.

It is for this reason why I keep my little wrist distaff and a spindle on my altar. It reminds me of her. It is also part of the reason why I am looking to incorporate a Goddess image into the decor of my kitchen. This way I can look and be reminded of her presence everywhere, including in myself.

Pagan Blog Project: D - Dynamics

Waxing Sap Moon (Age: 3 days)
Sign: Aries
Weather: Cold, windy, & light lake effect snow
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I've decided to participate in the Pagan Blog Project. They're working their way through the alphabet two weeks at a time. Currently, this is the second week for the letter 'D'. I'm going to be discussing dynamics.

The word 'dynamic' often brings to mind vitality, activity, and effervescent personalities. It also can be used other fashions. It has also been used colloquially to denote relationship paradigms. It is this colloquial usage that I am referencing. There are many dynamics of this sense in the world. Three big ones that we consider in metaphysics are:

1. Cosmological
2. Theological
3. Interpersonal

Cosmological dynamics revolve around the relationship between man¹ and the universe at large. The questions that arise in consideration of cosmological relationships are myriad. They range from the questions as to the origin and nature of the universe to the questions of moral consideration regarding man's actions in relation to the multifaceted elements that comprise the known universe. Indeed these questions are so plentiful that I can not begin to condense them in a single post, let alone as part of one. For cosmology is a complex philosophical topic of inquiry in its own right in addition to being a serious subject of pursuit in theoretical physics.

Now, one may wonder why I give consideration to cosmological dynamics. This is a very important part of the worldview of any given belief system. Humanity has questioned the nature of existence for as long as we have had the capacity. As such, we have created stories, theories, and cultural mythos to quantify, define, and explain what we observed. It is from this primeval urge to understand what we interpret from our senses that the foundational elements of religion are formed.

As Joseph Campbell so brilliantly illustrated in his work The Masks of God and as J. G. Frazer detailed in his The Golden Bough, religion arose from stories accepted by a people, then enacted as ritual dramas and shared with other people. These stories defined for the culture they originated in the answers to the philosophical quandaries that fall under the heading of cosmology. In Wicca, we have a patchwork cosmology. Our stories are varied and highly eclectic. Nowhere else is this more visible then in how we delineate our relationship with the divine.

Theology and divinity² are twin academic pursuits that attempt to describe that relationship. Experiential knowledge of the godhead³ shapes subsequent theology. There are two ways that this knowledge can be accessed. One is by way of personal revelation. The second is by way of analysis and reason.

The major religions of the world are predominantly based in revelatory experiences that happen to a given person (commonly referred to as a prophet) and then disseminated amongst the population of a culture. In the Abrahmic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), the revelatory experience happens to a patriarch who then shares this with his children. This eventually extends to others who have adopted the belief system. Authenticity of the revelations are based upon comparison to established canon. Disputes as to the veracity of a given revelation are what has given rise to conflict between these related faiths and within each respective belief system⁴.

Wicca lacks a body of work to be upheld as canon. For some individuals, this is argued to be a weakness of the religion. Quite frequently, these people argue that Wicca as a comparatively young⁵ religion lacks the validity of history. This argument fails to consider the influence of historical religions upon modern Wicca. Additionally, the cellular⁶ nature of Wicca places greater emphasis upon the individual's experience versus that of the community. It is this highly individualize nature that makes it difficult to collate and assess the collective knowledge with respect to the nature of the godhead and how man relates to it.

This forces a neonate to adhere to the maxim⁷ from the perennially popular Charge of the Goddess because they can not rely upon other sources. Covens assist neonates in exploring their relationship with the godhead, but they can not provide full revelation of it. This is a stark difference from religions such as the Abrhamic ones. There, the community at large has defined the collective and individual relationships one has with the godhead. There is a body of work upheld that one can compare their experiences to and thereby attest to the veracity of what they have had revealed to them.

For Wiccans, they must deal with the murky waters between mystical revelation and possible madness. We must continually ask ourselves if we are being genuine in our activities towards the godhead. We must continually assess within ourselves the veracity of what has been revealed to us throughout our mystic experiences. This requires a mature understanding of ourselves and our limitations. It also requires that we be ever honest in our dealings on the theological front. Duplicity serves no good and can quite possibly hinder our efforts to deepen our person gnosis.

This brings me to my third point of consideration, this evening. Interpersonal relationships are tricky things. Throw religion into the mix and they become volatile at times. This is where the other popular maxim⁸ upheld becomes a useful consideration. Individual freedom is highly prized by Wiccans. This cherished quality does often get a bit of humor when one attempts to organize a group of Wiccans to do something (the phrase 'herding cats' comes to mind). Individual freedom is essential to Wicca. While some would wish to establish some sense of orthodoxy for Wicca, this would deprive this religion of its appeal for a great many of its followers.

The fludity of Wicca allows for this faith to embrace all types of people and all types of worldviews. It is a strength of this faith for it to be so accessible to individuals. For each 'fluffy bunny' that one encounters who seems to espouse random platitudes with a beatific, yet empty smile, there are countless serious practitioners who strive each day to deepen their knowledge of themselves and the world. Paramount to this faith is respect for that individuality that gives Wicca its strength. As such, many Wiccans strive to conduct themselves with utmost respect for each other and all life about them. As a religion that is frequently panenthistic and pantheistic, this is only a natural outgrowth of such worldviews.

At the core of all the dynamics we witness at play in Wicca is this respect. We honor each other, the world, and the godhead. With this, we ensure our continued liberty and growth.

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1. I am using the term 'man' in the classical sense of referring to all of humanity. This is simply a matter of convention. No implication of patrifocal leanings are intended.

2. I am using the term 'divinity' to pertain to the study of the applied theology of a given religion. This is a minor departure from the typical usage, which to discuss this academic exercise with strict respect to Christianity.

3. I am using the term 'godhead' as a gender neutral term for the genderless paradoxical All commonly understood as God or Goddess. Aristotle defined this as the Prime Mover.

4. I recognize that there are many other major factors that are at play in the state of affairs between the Abrahamic faiths. For the sake of simplicity, I am focusing only upon this particular aspect.

5. Wicca, from an anthropological perspective, is argued to have arisen in its contemporary format with Gerald Gardner. The existence of the New Forest Coven which the late Mr. Gardner was initiated by has been the subject of some academic debate. This blog's position upon the debate is to withhold supporting either side until evidence is presented to conclusively prove one or the other.

6. Autonomous individual groups (covens) of practitioners operating with only loose social connection to each other.

7. "And you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without." (from Reclaiming's website)

8. "An ye harm none, do what thou wilt" ~ proverb

Synchronicity or Sign?

Waxing Gibbous Hunger Moon (Age: 9 days)
Sign: Gemini
Weather: cloudy, cool but still unseasonably warm
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My depression is making a comeback. A part of me says I should just chalk this up as a bad day or possibly some sort of premenstrual hormonal fun. Looking at my mood for the last several days, however, I'm finding my temper is growing shorter and my outlook on life is progressively turning bleaker. It is something that bears watching, though I still can't shake the feeling of apprehension that something ... unpleasant is waiting me on the other side of my counseling session tomorrow.

Now, one may wonder why I'm rambling about my psychological health. Two reasons for that, actually, one is because it's part of the constellation of things on my mind right now. Secondly, I am firmly convinced that our psychological health can directly influence our spiritual health. As I was confronted multiple times today with a sense of despair, I found myself questioning the authenticity of my spiritual experiences. It... It is distressing have sudden bouts of despair just descend upon me with out any real warning. It colors my view of just about everything in my life.

Strive as I may to counteract this, it is at times a relatively futile thing to attempt to do. So, I was sitting in the car, waiting to pick up the food that I ordered for Beloved and I to have for dinner when a fortuitous thing happened. Recently, I've taken to listening to the born-again Christian radio station. It's not out of any passionate love for Christ as much as it is less static then other stations and occasionally entertaining. As it happened, this was the radio station that the car was tuned to. I wasn't paying it much mind when the pastor speaking began talking about discouragement.

It was surprising. His teaching on discouragement was quite coincidental and focused upon an entirely different audience. At the same time, I found it to be helpful. I realized that in the midst of my efforts over the last several weeks, I had been becoming discouraged in several areas. Partly due to a measure of psychological/emotional exhaustion and partly due to my difficulty seeing where I was making progress in much of anything in my life.

The admonishment to pray when confronted with these feelings was like a light bulb turning on in a darkened room. Such a simple thing to do and yet... I hadn't even considered it an option.

Now, I know there are some who would argue this is merely synchronicity. Others would state that it was a sign that I should consider conversion to some flavor of Christianity. I contend that just as the Christian god is likely to use events with non-Christians to get a message across to Christians, so too is it likely that the goddess will send a message via unexpected sources to her people.

Is it a sign? Yes, I think so, but not that I should cast aside my religion. But rather, a sign that my goddess is keeping me in her thoughts and wants me to turn to her no matter how small and insignificant I feel that I am.

I am a face of the Goddess.

Current Phase: Waning Harvest Moon
Current Sign: Taurus
Weather: Cool, partly cloudy skies
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I just had an awakening of sorts today. For some people this would be a case of me finally figuring something out that was obvious to them. For others this would get me a funny look.

What was my awakening? I realized that I am a face of the Mother Goddess. One of my neighbors, an older man who struggles with depression and is in the midst of a rather messy divorce (one he doesn't want at all) was just here for an hour. As I listened to him talk about his troubles, my response was not annoyance (as it has been at times in the past). Instead, I felt deep compassion for him. I didn't pity him (as I had in the past) so much as I felt this deep sense of kindness.

I had no desire to take his suffering onto myself, as I recognized that it was his own to deal with. I gave him some ideas for how to deal with it but mostly, I listened and affirmed his validity in feeling heart broken. That, along with a hug and a cup of tea completely turned his mood around. His anxiety dropped, he began to feel a little happier, and he had a greater sense of control over his life. It was a great thing of magic to watch unfold. I actively did nothing more then give him a hug and a cup of tea.

Some how, something moved between us and he went from being in near tears to smiling. Some Christians would say that it was the grace of God that made this happen. Others would say that this how one effectively ministers to the depressed people of the world. I may agree that some sense of divine grace passed through that moment. I contend, however, that it was acting as a tool for him to heal himself.

I came away from the experience humbled and in awe. There was no ritual Drawing Down the Moon or similar invocation. It just sprung unbidden from the heart and lay between us, breathing in the space there. And the Goddess wore my face for that moment to place that grace there.

Stitches and witches, sew what?

Moon Phase: Waxing Blossom Moon (4 day old)
Moon Sign: Gemini
Weather: Seasonably mild, clear skies and light breezes from the west. Venus is quite brilliant.

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My silly attempts at punning aside, I have spent my time since my last post here engaged in a great deal of spinning, sewing, embroidery, knitting, and crochet. This is not idle behavior but rather closely tied to my efforts to regain my psychological and spiritual health. It may sound a little silly, but I am in effect adopting some of the idea of the Prayer Shawl Ministry into one of my projects.

J & J are two very dear friends of mine who have fallen onto hard times. The husband of this sweet couple (who are like family to my husband and I, the proverbial 'brother from another mother' kind of deal here) has had the misfortune to be in prison because of an unjust law and will remain there until 2013, unless the Gods are kind and some act has him released into his wife's loving arms and liberty before then, healthy and hale. As they struggle to achieve some level of normalcy in this situation and do their best to retain their dignity in what is a truly degrading and dehumanizing situation (an innocent man sent to prison is just terrible for all involved), I was at a loss for what to do to bring a measure of help and comfort to the wife of this couple. They had told us various things we could do, but it really felt paltry in the face of the enormity of this tragedy.

Then I remembered reading about the Prayer Shawl Ministry as I was looking up shawl patterns to make for myself. Instead of a shawl, however, I am making a blanket which they both can share. As I work on this blanket, it is not simply that the blanket itself is going to be stitched with love, compassion, and good wishes for them. For this blanket is being made from hand-spun yarn from myself and those who spin and are willing to donate. The yarn I have made, it is special because into the yarn itself is spun my intentions to express the love, support, and good wishes of my family for these two very dear people in our lives. It may be simplistic but sometimes, it is the simplest forms of magic that work the best.

My newest embroidery project is a sampler done in colors inspired by myself with stitches chosen as they occur to me. It is something of a self-portrait in fabric. It is not a very large sampler, but I am intending to do another and another as I progress forward in my counseling. While my painting has reflected the pain and sorrow of the past, my embroidery has shown the radiant core of joy, peace, and love that has always been within me, undaunted by the afflictions that I have experienced. I haven't yet decided on the motto I'm going to stitch on to this. I am debating between Love Conquers All (in Latin or English, I'm not fully committed yet) or All acts of Love and Pleasure. I am planning on making this little sampler into either a pillow or a rose scented sachet. Either way, it is going to be one of the first things I see in the morning and one of the last I see at night. A daily reminder of my strength and the various other wonderful qualities I have within me. My intent is for this to be a love-gift to myself, for Beloved has very wisely pointed out that I haven't done enough kind things like this for myself.

Similar to the crochet blanket I mentioned earlier, I am going to be piecing and sewing a pair of quilts. It was initially going to be three quilts, but the plans for that fizzled out fairly quickly. One quilt is going to be of a modest size and I plan for it to be finished by Yule, at the latest. It is for my brother's soon-to-be ex-wife. Just as the crochet blanket I am making for J & J is going to embody the love and care that I and my family hold for them, this will do so for a woman who has become my sister in name and deed. It may no longer be in name, but she will always be a sister to me and I shall always treasure her presence in my life. This will be a sampler quilt of a very traditional design, there by I hope to not only carry forward my own bit of skills but also the heritage of my family that my brother's disgraceful behavior failed to convey to his wife and children.

The second quilt is going to be large enough for a king-sized bed and it will be what is known by some as a 'double top' or a 'double patchwork' quilt. This is specifically for our dear friend who is in prison right now. One block is going to be made for each month of his sentence. The last six months of his term are going to be for piecing together the blocks, quilting, and finishing this. It will be made with my thoughts and prayers for him. Happy memories, hopes, and everything else that comes to mind as I meditate upon him while I sew is going to be part of this. If I can, I am going to try to get Beloved to do some stitches into this also.

This is what I am working on. By doing this, I not only have tangible evidence in my hands of how I can help others, my love for them, the relationships I am in, and of who I am, I also help to sow peace and love where there is fear and anxiety. Even only a small measure of that helps the world at large.

Spring is the season of growth, if the Gods smile on me, perhaps these seeds will grow and run rampant, crowding out the depression and other things that have served to oppress me and many others. For we are all most severely in need of it.

A season of preparation

There are several people I know who are not Catholic and they are practicing the annual observation of Lent with abstaining from something for the period of time between Ash Wednesday and Easter. If you read some of the history surrounding Lent it becomes clear that the practice of fasting for 40 days is a point of much contention or if fasting was practiced at all by early Christians. With all of this historical uncertainty surrounding the practice, it leaves the question of why this season of fasting has persisted even into modern Catholicism.

Some of it could be light-heartedly ascribed to the same mentality that gives us the lightbulb joke that one of my Catholic friends told me:

Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Change! Catholics never change!

This, however, fails to recognize the value of this practice. Before I discuss this, however, I should point out two things about this practice. First, the word Lent comes from the Teutonic peoples who lived in central and eastern Europe. Originally, it simply meant early spring time. In early spring time, we find a practical reason for the fasting of Lent when we look back at the people it comes from. At this point, the weather is still cold and foreboding. The food stores gathered the year before are heavily depleted and the game which had been more plentiful earlier are now more scarce due to a combination of attrition related to the cold weather and relating to hunting. Here, fasting serves to conserve valuable food resources until the warmer weather of spring arrives to make food resources more plentiful.

Secondly, the role of fasting within any religion is fairly apparent. It serves a dual purpose. The first is to purify the body and the second is to induce a state of trance. It is a component in various religious rites all around the world from times in deep antiquity to today's melange of contemporary belief systems. In the structuralized setting of Lent, it serves not only to purify the body but also to guide the one engaged in the practice to a deeper understanding of their beliefs, often in a quasi-mystic sense. This, however, is frequently an unspoken thing in modern Catholicism due to various political factors that I am not going to discuss here.

Voluntarily surrendering something for the sake of focusing upon another is nothing new. In many ways, it can be a routine part of our day (like the diet to lose x number of pounds by summer). When a specific goal is held in mind, letting go of various things becomes easier. The practice of Lent serves to focus the Catholic upon their faith and what it means to be a member of the body of Christ. It is the same as the purpose of Ramadan in Islam, to help the practitioner of their faith to refocus upon their beliefs and what their role in the religion is.

Lent and Ramadan are both seasons of preparation. (Advent is supposed to be one as well but modern society has reduced it down to the annual shopping orgy that it's all but forgotten in a spiritual context.) Within the belief system of modern Witchcraft, there is no season of preparation. There is no season of preparation because we live suffused into the world with out a specific thing to prepare ourselves for, such as the return of a savior. This, however, does not mean that we should neglect our need to refocus ourselves and meditate upon our beliefs.

Farmers and gardeners use the early spring to prepare for planting. We witches would do well to follow that example. There are things that we all shall work towards over the coming seasons of growth. Let us take the time to plan for them and meditate upon how we wish to see ourselves spiritually develop and blossom over the coming year and what we wish to harvest as our accomplishments come Mabon. It will soon be time to begin planting, the Equinox always comes quickly.