Regarding Déa: the Daughter

 Waxing gibbous Cold Moon (Age: 14 days)
Sign: Leo
Weather: Seasonably chill, partly cloudy skies
Snow pack: ?? (It melted some today.)
Drought status: N/A
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So many Filianists and Déanists of the orthodox sort argue that the Daughter is passive. This makes no sense. How can she be passive when she is actively acting as her three cosmic roles? As Princess of the World, she governs the action of the world and intervenes for the mortal children of Déa. As Priestess of the Sacrifice, she actively enters into the incarnate world, confronts temptation (and rebukes it), battles suffering (and retains her faith in her Mother), and walks through the realm of the Dark Queen, willingly giving over that which is demanded of her before she is slain. The only passivity that happens in the narrative of the Daughter as Priestess of the Sacrifice is when she lies in the abyss awaiting her Mother to raise her from death. After that moment, she resumes leading and acting. As Queen of Heaven, she holds court over all souls passed beyond the wheel of werdë and governs the actions of the forces of Heaven and the World, even as she acts as the mediator of her Mother's light/force.

Where, in any of this, except in her time as a corpse is she passive? I have read the holy texts and found them lacking any proof of the Daughter as the 'passive' force in the universe. It is my thought that this argument that the Daughter is 'passive' is a false argument used to force believers into following along a charismatic (or less than charismatic) leadership figure. In the wisdom texts, there are passages that were written for Madrian households with a focus on obedience and implied passivity towards the will of leadership figures. I find those who uphold those passages as the correct way to interpret the Daughter repulsive.

To do so is to demean and attempt to diminish the Daughter. She chooses her course of action. She is not ordered to go off into the abyss, nor is she banished. The Daughter walks into the Dark Queen's hall by her own free will and this is an act that we would spit upon if we were to say she is passive in any way. A passive person would require an external force to act upon them to move them to action. This is not the Daughter, she is the force acting upon the situation.

I know there are some who are going to read the accounting of the Daughter's descent into the Dark Queen's realm that is in the edition of the Filianic holy texts that I worked on and they are going to find fault in how the Daughter is depicted. She does not simply carry the moon-axe but wields it as her weapon against the forces of suffering. She may be overwhelmed but she does not simply fall prey of these forces. She takes arms and advances against them. There is a decidedly more martial aspect to the Daughter in this accounting because of it, but this is an element of the Daughter that people elect to ignore.

The Daughter has within her all the force of the Mother. She is one with the Mother, even as she is separate. As the Mother has a martial aspect, it stands to reason that the Daughter has one as well. Indeed, Sai Vikhë is as much a lesser aspect of the Daughter as she is of the Mother because the Mother and Daughter are one. Reason demands that we look upon this martial aspect of the Daughter and revere her in the same way we revere the Mother's war-like nature.

I recognize this argument and the changes that were made to the narrative because of it will sit poorly with many. I did not make the changes to satisfy the will of people or out of vanity. I made them under the guidance of Déa. I prayed a great deal as I worked on this project. I did divination and consulted other diviners who were unaware of this project as to Déa's will. All signs pointed to these changes being necessary. I am not so arrogant or foolish as to ignore the will of Déa when it is made clear by multiple sources. I am her priestess and I serve her will, not that of the world. If others choose to take offense, that is upon them. I know that Déa will guide and watch over this work (and all who have contributed to it). 

Book review: The Cloud of Unknowing

Title: The Cloud of Unknowing
Author: Anonymous, 13th Cent.
Translator: [I failed to note this.]
Publisher: [I failed to note this.]
Date: [I failed to note this.]
I've started to read the Cloud of Unknowing. The historical context of this text has made for facinating reading, but a part of me wants to skip a head to the real text. I'm ging to finish reading this context setting preface, though. A lesson in patience is necessary if I am finding this fustrating. This preface is that lesson.

Grace is hidden in us all. Few learn to (or attempt to) uncover it from the mound of daily cares and falsehoods that creat a placid seeming life.

Carelessness as a part of sin? An interesting concept that isn't voiced much.

[Edited to add: I read this and the other texts on Christian theology as I was exploring Christianity and seriously considering conversion to that faith.]

Originally Published: 8/23/06 on LiveJournal

Note: I have a copy of this. I will be re-reading it and updating notes and such. But, here is the original book review/notes in their terrible spelling and equally awful editing. I found this book to be really useful. So, I'm going to be going over it again. This time, I will have all of the info for the book because I actually own it and I'm not borrowing it from the library.

TPE: Divinities

Old Wolf Moon (Age: 27 days)

Sign: Capricorn

Weather: Just above freezing, partly cloudy,

snow total around 4 in

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am a polytheist. I believe in many gods. I worship many gods. I am involved with many gods. Some of what I do looks like a study in paradox. I believe and work with a goddess of a monotheistic religion. At the same time, I believe and work with the gods of the Nordic pantheon. And I have passing interactions with deities from pantheons that I don't generally involve myself in. (At times, those interactions I try desperately to avoid but get boxed in on that front. And I'm looking at you, the lwa. I know you've got eyes on me. Here's your public acknowledgement, as I agreed not long ago to do.)

Some may think that my involvement with a deity of a monotheistic religion would negate the polytheism. That makes the mistake of assuming that only one religion is correct. As strange as this might sound, all religions are correct. So, is Ragnaroc going to happen? Yep, so is Armageddon and a laundry list of other things. They all manifest differently. The upheaval you see in the world is partly due to that manifestation. (Oh, on the point of doomsday scenarios, they have happened, are happening, and will be happening all at the same time. Because gods experience time differently then we do. So, all of the endings are happening at the same time as all of the beginnings. And all the stuff in the middle still happens to.) 

We can't constrain the gods to human perspectives. This would lessen them and reduce their stature to projections of ourselves. I'm not saying that archetypes are not important and useful. And I'm not saying that there are not large scale projections of ourselves out there. (Look up egregores and you can get an interesting view on how that little trick works.) But gods go beyond the level of egregores. Egregores are limited in what they do. They operate on the basis of how they are programmed. Gods, on the other hand, are like cats and will do what ever they damn well please, regardless for how humanity wants it to go.

They are intelligent, sentient forces that create, sustain, enliven, control, and destroy universes. To some extent, our universe is a single thing. But we must acknowledge that there is an aspect of the universe that is accessible only for the individual. My experience of the universe is different from your experience of the universe, which is different from the experience of someone ten thousand miles away. And all these experiences are different from that of a blade of grass, an animal, or protozoa. And if you are an animist, there is the myriad of things traditionally considered not to be alive by Western thought (this tradition going back to the Enlightenment, if not a bit earlier) that have their own experience of reality. Somewhere, in the midst of all this soup of experience, gods move through it all. 

And the 'truth' of reality and its relationship to deities is a murky thing to puzzle out because we have no way of knowing all the information on our side of the relationship, let alone begin to comprehend anything of the deities and their side of the relationship. It is a mystery. Some people get afraid when this mystery is pointed out. I find comfort in it. It tells me that somewhere in the universe, there is a meaning to what happens that goes beyond pure causality. Given that my experience with deities has been generally positive, I am inclined to think that meaning is something positive.

That awkward moment...

That awkward moment when you realize that you fall down on the hard polytheist side of the ledger rather then the soft polytheist or soft-ish side.

I now understand why the deities have been so amused with me of late. I have been struggling with this idea of soft versus hard polytheism. At one point, I even was questioning my spiritual path. And then I had this startling realization, the gods are truly unique and separate beings from each other. This makes the whole matter of Dea even more confusing, I confess. It was the question of if a person has multiple personalities, are they a single person or multiple people sharing a body that did it.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the multiple personality question really couldn't apply to deities. Or should I say, the 'multiple people sharing a body' thing couldn't apply. Because I have had experiences where more then one deity interacted with me at the same time. I don't think that works for people with DID/MPD. That single body thing constrains interaction to a 'one at a time' kind of thing, from what I've been able to figure out by my research. Soft polytheism takes the concept of deity and turns it into a multiple persons in one body situation.

But, having deities manifest at the same time and doing entirely different things at the same time shows that they're not sharing a 'body'. The Divine Mother confuses me. That confusion, I confess, has me a bit anxious and running in proverbial circles at the moment. I'm sure it will clear itself up.

I know that she has work for me to do. It will be a case where she will give me what I need to do it and I think part of that will be information that will help with this confusion. The gods are generous like that.

Make every action a prayer.

Waning Hay Moon (age: 28 days)

Sign: Leo

Weather: Cool, fair skies

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It has been rather busy around here. This is literally the first opportunity I have had to post anything here. I have been engaged in a lot of prayer over the last month. Health issues lead to a period of convalescence in a hospital in July. During this time, I spent a great deal of effort in prayer. As I get life back to normal around home, the focus on prayer has not shifted.

Indeed, I have moved from quietly murmuring something as I moved about the room to keeping a prayerful mind as I engaged in my tasks during the day. It was a comforting counterpoint and change from the habit of worry.  It was surprisingly easy to dedicate my efforts towards the Divine. Even when I was engaged in serious introspection this afternoon, I took a moment to dedicate those efforts to the Gods.

It may seem a bit silly to some and overly pious to others. After all, something as mundane as washing dishes is not the first thing that comes to mind when one thinks of a contemplative prayer. Most people think of a monk or a similar person cloistered in a still, silent location with all of their focus on the Divine. While there is a place for such devotional activities, most of us don't have that luxury of freedom from distractions. 

This is where I draw inspiration from *gasp* the Catholic St. Therese of Lisieux. She taught and practiced what she called the Little Way. It was by small, daily acts of kindness and compassion to all about her that St. Therese developed herself spiritually. If something as simple as taking the cracked cup that others didn't want could build such a wise soul, surely it can prove of equal use in honoring the Divine. I have read her autobiography several times and I highly recommend it.

I confess, I draw a great deal of inspiration from medieval Catholicism. I find comfort in doing my best to pray every day at all times. I can not always sing chants in honor of the deities I follow. I can, however, dedicate what work I do to them. Thus, I strive to build a devotional relationship that will sustain me during the times of difficulty that come. 

It is this relationship that I find comfort in when nothing else can sooth my troubled heart. For, in putting daily effort into devotional activity, I open up a channel whereby the Divine may return the contact. I am honestly confused by how others can subsist on limited weekly contact. I look at that type of life and I am confused. To live with such a meager amount of conscious exchange with the Divine seems to me torment.

The Divine is all about me. Everything I encounter and experience is an aspect of it. Even that which most others would term as 'evil' is a piece of the Divine. All things flow from this source and remain part of it. To shut my eyes to this is foolish, for even in the darkness behind my lids, the Divine is still present. Thus, I do my best to deeply engage in worship, so that I may be better attuned to the flow of the will of the Divine. In such attunement, I have found nothing less then pure ecstasy and a peace that I can not express in words.

In the Shadow of Spirit

In the Shadow of Spirit: Personal Glimpses of Spirit in Depression
(Dated: Spg. 2001)

As a woman, as a witch, this is alien ground for me. I am here studying at a Catholic college, a place where a faith unfamiliar to me is upheld as the moral guide and standard. When in need of solace, a student is advised to pray or to speak with their spiritual councilor, usually their minister or priest. The language used here speaks of the Christian God, the triune God that is embodied for that Catholic faith in God the Father; God the Son, or Jesus Christ, the Savior; and the Holy Spirit of GOd.

The rituals and practices of Catholicism are woven into the spirit of the college like a subtle gossamer thread that binds the disparate students to the faculty, and these lay people to the Convent and the clergy present here. They do their best to welcome all to their worship services, making them very public and open. All they ask of a visitor of another faith is respect and understanding. Most of the School Sisters of Notre Dame, if not all, I have found give the same respect and understanding to other faiths that have been encountered on campus.

The warmth and kindness that I have seen here has proven to be a reversal of my fears and expectations. Many in my faith are taught that witches and those who were like us were and still are persecuted with prejudice by all Christians, with special emphasis placed on Catholics. Yet, here, on this small, intimate campus, I find myself surrounded with the warm and loving embrace of common humanity and a special sense of sisterhood with the nuns here. They have encouraged my growth and study of my faith, in many respects they have offered guidance to me in my study.

In my hours of darkness, which sadly have been many, I have found myself reminded of the unfamiliar ground that I tread here. The gentle love for their fellow humanity and the motherly wisdom of the Sisters has been a support for me, but it can only sustain me for a limited point. I find myself facing questions, questions that not even their kind guidance and suggestions can help me answer. These are questions of spirit and of faith, which are sadly of a different spiritual language then that of Catholicism or Christianity.

I have often struggled in facing my womanhood; the focus of this struggle has often been on the after effects of being sexually assaulted and raped at one point in my past. The answers that have been suggested for the question of 'why' have ranged from "God working in mysterious ways" to "having the experiences to teach others how to be safe." In counseling and through my study of the psychology of survivors, the horrific randomness and senselessness of the violence perpetrated on me cuts through these potentially soothing answers. Thus, I am left with no spiritual support on which I can lean when I find my wounds bleed too heavily for me to lift my head, let alone walk through life with the strength to carry my own weight and that of my history.

The bleeding of these psychic wounds, wounds to my memory and spirit, manifests in my problems with depression. They are aggravated by the blows and challenges I encounter in my life and world, at times simply oozing proverbial blood and others bleeding heavily and full of the foul stench of putrefaction. I have often yearned simply to lay down, to let myself succumb to the desires to do away with myself or let my situations continue to abuse me, thereby obliterating any sense of self that would need protection or care.

This yearning is an expression of the deep exhaustion I feel, for the fight has been long and hard. When misery casts its hand over me, I find that I stumble into a shadowed place where spiritual strength is hidden from me. It is then that I wish for the sleep of death, and the rest that would come to my spirit in the other world that it journey to, be it the Heaven of my Catholic sisters or the Tir NanOG of my own path.

In these times of darkness and the desire for sleep, something pricks me and keeps me fighting. It ranges from anger to love to something unnameable. It is this nameless force that has given me to believe that perhaps a spiritual answer is in my own faith for what happens to us when we suffer, even if there may not be a higher cause of it. Each fleeting contact with this nameless force, I find myself aware of the large breadth of suffering in the world, if not the Universe. It was a meditation on the cross and the Passion of Jesus Christ that brought me awareness of what this nameless force could most likely be.

Often, it is taught that Jesus suffered on the cross for the sins of the world, to place his blood between the hard gaze of God and the world. In this ultimate sacrifice, the Son of God mediated for the well being of his breathren humanity. I see many expressing this Christian mystery in the words "Jesus suffered for you" on everything from jewelery to bumper stickers. This mystery begs a question, though. If a relationship with anyone is reciprocal, would your suffering, in any form, be for Jesus?

As I continued with this thought, it came to me in a sudden flash of inspiration that when we suffer, we do not suffer alone. Not only is their solidarity in our fellow humanity, who in many circumstances would suffer with us, but we can find that the unnameable higher power that is called God by the Christians, or Goddess by witches like myself, suffers with us. Some would argue that suffering must be exalted, for some noble cause or religious reason, for this to be true. I can not honesty say this, because in the use of the expression "Jesus suffered for you" it becomes possible to say that Jesus suffered with hunger, insult, or even mild discomfort for our sakes, because the statement does not specify the cause of his suffering.

In my own faith, we are taught that the Goddess is within us and that we are a part of her. This makes it a very real teaching for one to say that the Goddess suffers with us when we are harmed. When we suffer moments of weakness, so too does the Goddess. Arguing that the higher aspect or power of the Universe can only feel positive emotions or "righteous" emotions is foolish. Who are we to know the mind of God or Goddess or whatever name you call this higher power by?

We barely know our own mind and nothing about the mind of other humans. We have not yet begun to truly know anything about the workings of the world, let alone the mind of the world. And yet many would dare to say that the Divine mind is not touched by feelings of sorrow or other 'base' emotions. Our ignorance is a blessing and a curse. It shields us from truths that we are not ready to know and it constrains us to learn through trial and error about the Divine. In my times of depression and sorrow, I often find that I reflect on the fact that we cannot know everything about the higher aspect of the Universe.

This mystery frightens me, because it is the unknown. Perhaps some day, this fear will fade from my heart, because there is much about myself that is unknown and I do not fear myself. In the end, the advise of the Sisters lead me to this revelation. It was through their own religion that I came to a truism about mine. Our spiritual languages may be different, but perhaps our problems of spirit are the same. I can say that through each moment of darkness and spiritual weariness, I have learned something of my faith and myself.

When I emerge from them, I am transformed and I find that I am perhaps stronger, or my own strength has been proven to me. In this respect, suffering is a blessing to be welcomed into our lives. But suffering is not joy, and I suspect that joyful suffering can not exist. Suffering is pain, and while pain is perhaps the greatest teacher, it is not to be trifled with. For even when our spirits yearn to rest, we are still challenged by the shadows of spirit even as we are challenged by the light of its wisdom.


~~~~

Addendum:  This was written while I was still learning the deeper theology of my faith. My position upon the matter of suffering has evolved greatly. I feel, however, that it is important to present this to show how my understanding has evolved and developed.

Pagan Blog Project: D - Dynamics

Waxing Sap Moon (Age: 3 days)
Sign: Aries
Weather: Cold, windy, & light lake effect snow
~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I've decided to participate in the Pagan Blog Project. They're working their way through the alphabet two weeks at a time. Currently, this is the second week for the letter 'D'. I'm going to be discussing dynamics.

The word 'dynamic' often brings to mind vitality, activity, and effervescent personalities. It also can be used other fashions. It has also been used colloquially to denote relationship paradigms. It is this colloquial usage that I am referencing. There are many dynamics of this sense in the world. Three big ones that we consider in metaphysics are:

1. Cosmological
2. Theological
3. Interpersonal

Cosmological dynamics revolve around the relationship between man¹ and the universe at large. The questions that arise in consideration of cosmological relationships are myriad. They range from the questions as to the origin and nature of the universe to the questions of moral consideration regarding man's actions in relation to the multifaceted elements that comprise the known universe. Indeed these questions are so plentiful that I can not begin to condense them in a single post, let alone as part of one. For cosmology is a complex philosophical topic of inquiry in its own right in addition to being a serious subject of pursuit in theoretical physics.

Now, one may wonder why I give consideration to cosmological dynamics. This is a very important part of the worldview of any given belief system. Humanity has questioned the nature of existence for as long as we have had the capacity. As such, we have created stories, theories, and cultural mythos to quantify, define, and explain what we observed. It is from this primeval urge to understand what we interpret from our senses that the foundational elements of religion are formed.

As Joseph Campbell so brilliantly illustrated in his work The Masks of God and as J. G. Frazer detailed in his The Golden Bough, religion arose from stories accepted by a people, then enacted as ritual dramas and shared with other people. These stories defined for the culture they originated in the answers to the philosophical quandaries that fall under the heading of cosmology. In Wicca, we have a patchwork cosmology. Our stories are varied and highly eclectic. Nowhere else is this more visible then in how we delineate our relationship with the divine.

Theology and divinity² are twin academic pursuits that attempt to describe that relationship. Experiential knowledge of the godhead³ shapes subsequent theology. There are two ways that this knowledge can be accessed. One is by way of personal revelation. The second is by way of analysis and reason.

The major religions of the world are predominantly based in revelatory experiences that happen to a given person (commonly referred to as a prophet) and then disseminated amongst the population of a culture. In the Abrahmic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), the revelatory experience happens to a patriarch who then shares this with his children. This eventually extends to others who have adopted the belief system. Authenticity of the revelations are based upon comparison to established canon. Disputes as to the veracity of a given revelation are what has given rise to conflict between these related faiths and within each respective belief system⁴.

Wicca lacks a body of work to be upheld as canon. For some individuals, this is argued to be a weakness of the religion. Quite frequently, these people argue that Wicca as a comparatively young⁵ religion lacks the validity of history. This argument fails to consider the influence of historical religions upon modern Wicca. Additionally, the cellular⁶ nature of Wicca places greater emphasis upon the individual's experience versus that of the community. It is this highly individualize nature that makes it difficult to collate and assess the collective knowledge with respect to the nature of the godhead and how man relates to it.

This forces a neonate to adhere to the maxim⁷ from the perennially popular Charge of the Goddess because they can not rely upon other sources. Covens assist neonates in exploring their relationship with the godhead, but they can not provide full revelation of it. This is a stark difference from religions such as the Abrhamic ones. There, the community at large has defined the collective and individual relationships one has with the godhead. There is a body of work upheld that one can compare their experiences to and thereby attest to the veracity of what they have had revealed to them.

For Wiccans, they must deal with the murky waters between mystical revelation and possible madness. We must continually ask ourselves if we are being genuine in our activities towards the godhead. We must continually assess within ourselves the veracity of what has been revealed to us throughout our mystic experiences. This requires a mature understanding of ourselves and our limitations. It also requires that we be ever honest in our dealings on the theological front. Duplicity serves no good and can quite possibly hinder our efforts to deepen our person gnosis.

This brings me to my third point of consideration, this evening. Interpersonal relationships are tricky things. Throw religion into the mix and they become volatile at times. This is where the other popular maxim⁸ upheld becomes a useful consideration. Individual freedom is highly prized by Wiccans. This cherished quality does often get a bit of humor when one attempts to organize a group of Wiccans to do something (the phrase 'herding cats' comes to mind). Individual freedom is essential to Wicca. While some would wish to establish some sense of orthodoxy for Wicca, this would deprive this religion of its appeal for a great many of its followers.

The fludity of Wicca allows for this faith to embrace all types of people and all types of worldviews. It is a strength of this faith for it to be so accessible to individuals. For each 'fluffy bunny' that one encounters who seems to espouse random platitudes with a beatific, yet empty smile, there are countless serious practitioners who strive each day to deepen their knowledge of themselves and the world. Paramount to this faith is respect for that individuality that gives Wicca its strength. As such, many Wiccans strive to conduct themselves with utmost respect for each other and all life about them. As a religion that is frequently panenthistic and pantheistic, this is only a natural outgrowth of such worldviews.

At the core of all the dynamics we witness at play in Wicca is this respect. We honor each other, the world, and the godhead. With this, we ensure our continued liberty and growth.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
1. I am using the term 'man' in the classical sense of referring to all of humanity. This is simply a matter of convention. No implication of patrifocal leanings are intended.

2. I am using the term 'divinity' to pertain to the study of the applied theology of a given religion. This is a minor departure from the typical usage, which to discuss this academic exercise with strict respect to Christianity.

3. I am using the term 'godhead' as a gender neutral term for the genderless paradoxical All commonly understood as God or Goddess. Aristotle defined this as the Prime Mover.

4. I recognize that there are many other major factors that are at play in the state of affairs between the Abrahamic faiths. For the sake of simplicity, I am focusing only upon this particular aspect.

5. Wicca, from an anthropological perspective, is argued to have arisen in its contemporary format with Gerald Gardner. The existence of the New Forest Coven which the late Mr. Gardner was initiated by has been the subject of some academic debate. This blog's position upon the debate is to withhold supporting either side until evidence is presented to conclusively prove one or the other.

6. Autonomous individual groups (covens) of practitioners operating with only loose social connection to each other.

7. "And you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without." (from Reclaiming's website)

8. "An ye harm none, do what thou wilt" ~ proverb

Mother Goddess & Mary

New Hunger Moon (Age: 0 days)
Sign: Aquarius
Weather: Partly cloudy, windy,
intermittent rain & unseasonably warm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So I have a few things to ramble on about tonight. First, to all who are celebrating, I wish you a blessed New Year (as this is the start of the Lunar year). There are many cultures that celebrate this as the start of the year, thus I am not going to focus on just one culture over the rest. If you're curious as to who is celebrating this as the beginning of the new year, check out the link.

Secondly, I have another blog that I will be updating at the new and full moon for each month. I am not going to be mirroring the material here but I will link to it when I do make posts. There may be material that is discussed in both blogs, but I don't plan on that being the rule. As the web community that I have joined has a large population of neophytes and seekers, I will be making an effort to post topics friendly to someone just starting out in Wicca or witchcraft.

Now, to get to the point of this blog entry (which I'm sure you were eagerly awaiting LOL), I have been considering my relationship with the Great Mother and how she has been guiding me over the last several months. I don't believe it is strictly a matter of coincidence that I have been feeling a strong prompt to view the Blessed Virgin Mary as an avatar of the Great Mother or to incorporate elements of the iconography surrounding her in my shrine(s) to the Mother.

Images such as the one above have been catching my eye for a while. When I was considering converting to Catholicism, I felt a strong pull to a Marian devotion. (Sadly, I do not know who the artist is that produced the lovely image. If it is YOUR work, please contact me.) Even now, I feel something of a tie to Mary. My history with the Blessed Virgin is ... odd.

My first experience channeling was to serve as her mouthpiece to convey a message to a Catholic friend of mine who was experiencing something of a spiritual crisis at the time. The Great Mother for a time placed me in the care of the Blessed Virgin. (It was a time of much confusion for me and I truly believe that Mary watched over me during the times of crisis that came to me during that period.) My middle name is Maria, which at one point my Mom said was because of a song and at another time it was supposed to be in honor of Mary. (I honestly don't know which statement, if either, is correct. My Mom regularly made confusing statements about things like that.)

Now that I have returned to Wicca (several years ago, to be honest), I still am drawn to the Marian iconography. The images of the Blessed Mother holding her babe strike me as incredibly powerful images of the Great Mother. The majority of these images that resonate the strongest with me have her holding a child of indeterminate gender. Oddly, I find it reassuring that the Deanists (also known as the Children of Dea) uphold the iconography of Mary as an orthodox presentation of the Great Mother.

To see that others also find the Great Mother in this guise puts some of my anxiety to rest. It helps to ease the fear that I am simply driving off into wilderness and have little to turn to in the way of fellow travelers. (I recognize that this fear is a manifestation of other issues that I have been struggling with. I also recognize that the Mother is pushing me past these issues. Thus I must choose if I go along or get dragged. Either way, I am still going.)

A lot of other people within the pagan community have written about how the Marian iconography can be used for fostering one's relationship with the Mother. I am not going to waste your time with a rambling commentary on this when there are so many commentaries on this topic (some of them quite well written and others less so). I am instead going to talk about how the Great Mother has been guiding me down this path.

It started out with simply a desire to build a relationship with her. Somewhere along the way, I transferred the issues I have with my mother to my relationship with the Great Mother. This was something that brought me a great deal of anxiety, sorrow, and frustration. Where I had previously enjoyed a feeling of closeness with the goddess, I suddenly felt as though there was a great gulf between her and I. I realized then what others meant when the spoke of a 'fall from Grace'.

In my case, however, it was not an intentional act. I did not intend at any point in time to reject the Great Mother or to distance myself from her. Instead, my psychological illness ran roughshod over me and pushed me apart from virtually all maternal figures in my life, including the Great Mother. It was the realization that my illness was creating the problem that had given me the key to resolving it. For as I confronted and healed my illness, I would find it easier to draw close to the maternal figures in my life, including the goddess.

As I began grasping at proverbial straws for how to reweave the Great Mother into my daily devotionals, little things began to catch my eye and imagination. I do not think it is mere whimsy that has pushed me into a year long study of the Rosary and encouraged me to find a way to incorporate it into my practices. I do not think it whimsy or some sort of hubris that I have been surrounding myself with Marian images.

For a long time, the Great Mother presented herself to me as the mother aspect of Morrigan. Morrigan is a harsh mother. She has no time or patience with foolishness. She is not for the faint of heart. As a goddess of war, childbirth, and sovereignty, she holds her children up to very high standards. She rewards honest effort and exacts a terrible toll for those who dare to cross her. I sincerely believe this is why one of the men that had sexually assaulted me has since had problems finding even a prostitute willing to lie with him and erectile dysfunction. (It was amusing when he accused me of cursing him. I have never cursed any being, no matter how wrathful I've been with them. In the case of this man, I simply asked that justice be done. Mother Morrigan attended to it.)

Somewhere in the last two years, the Great Mother presented herself to me in an appearance close to that of the traditional Marian iconography. Mother Morrigan has somehow stepped back to allow this much gentler guise to come forward. I don't think it is out of some implication of weakness on my part. I believe it is because I am unwell and have need of gentler handling. Can Morrigan be gentle? Yes, of course she can. I have experienced it.

The Great Mother, however, has deemed that I am to experience her this fashion. It has done considerable wonders for easing the anxiety that I feel towards her. Where I feared that even the slightest perceived misstep would disappoint or anger Morrigan, this face of the Great Mother doesn't hold that terror for me. There is a subtle pressure against my understanding of motherhood from my perspective as a child.

The Great Mother is penetrating the defenses that I established much like a flow of water eases through limestone. It is slow, consistent, and subtle. The changes that are being wrought are for my benefit, which a part of me is bewildered by. I ask why she would care about me. And then Loki laughs at me and tells me to open my eyes.

At times, I see flashes of Sigyn. Oddly enough, she looks much like the face that closely resembles Mary. The dress is different but so very much is alike that it confuses me. And in that confusion, the Great Mother reached out and touches me. I am learning that confusion is not prelude to terror. I am learning that having someone 'mother' me is not a painful experience.

It is something that I think is going to deepen and grow more profound as the year progresses. And I am quite thankful for that.

The question of evil

Waning Wolf Moon (age: 20.1 days)
Sign: Libra
Weather: Bitterly cold, overcast with wind out of the west
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I've been considering the question of evil for many, many years. I say question because in my faith, there is no deity or demigod of evil. There is no creed that affirms the traits of the gods to be as the Christian god, omnipotent, omniscient, and benevolent. Is there cruelty in my gods, yes. But it is not malicious. It is very much so like the fate of the person who loses their home to a tornado. It is a cruel thing to happen but there is no moral judgment behind it.

Herein lies the crux of the question of evil, defining it. Some people say that evil is all form of suffering. Others say that it is to inflict suffering upon another with malice. Still others state that evil is to inflict unnecessary suffering upon another. I contend that evil can be defined as maliciously and deliberately inflicted suffering upon another being. I would further argue that there are two different categories of evil.

The first category is the suffering inflicted for the sake of suffering. Now, some people would argue that this is pure sadism. I have seen the benevolent face of sadism. It does exist. To call this pure sadism fails to consider the other variants of sadism that exist. It is when the suffering inflicted is done with out the consent of the victim. For the person who endures suffering willingly is making themselves part of the CAUSE of their suffering and become an active participant.

The second category is the suffering inflicted intentionally as part of an effort to create some type of effect. Think of the concentration camps of the Nazis. (Yes, I went the cheap route and invoked Godwin's law. It's the most recognized form of organized mass torture and murder, hence my choice.) These camps were created not only to inflict suffering upon people with out their consent but to achieve a larger goal, thereby bringing some benefit to the ones who are inflicting the suffering beyond the persecution of their victims.

Is the difference between these two forms of evil indicative of greater and lesser evils? Not really, evil is evil. There is no such thing as a lesser evil. There are different forms of evil, but the wise will reject evil in it's every form. Humanity has a talent for devising new forms of evil on a regular basis. It is something that sorrows me to see.

Is defending oneself from harm evil? No, it is a natural right. It is no more evil then fleeing from harm. Engaging in an unprovoked attack, however, IS evil and should be shunned. Do the gods engage in acts of evil? It is a distinct possibility but it is equally possible that they do not and we are misunderstanding their chaotic actions as evil, as harboring malice where there is none. To the fly that we swat, we may appear to be malicious and cruel when in actuality is was simply an action to halt the fly's biting into our skin. The fly's bite is no more evil then our crushing it with our hand.

Harm that derives from natural sources is unfortunate but a part of the experience of being alive. Evil, however, is the purview of humanity and similarly inclined spirits that are capable of the abstract reasoning that is necessary to produce it.

All of this, however, is simply my opinion.