Waning Thunder Moon (age: 16 days)
Weather: Humid, seasonably warm
I have nothing of note really to post this evening. I had planned to do a small ritual for the full moon and then life happened. I've been struggling with depression for a little while now. It has made it hard for me to keep up on my daily devotions and my responsibilities around the home. I pray every day to the gods but right now I just don't feel their presence. It is very discouraging to feel this way.
I tell myself that it will pass, like it does every month, but it is still gut wrenching. I suppose the hardest part about being depressed right now is the fact that I have so very many reasons not to be depressed. The weather is nice. I have some strawberries growing in the planter that are just now getting ripe. The black raspberries are getting ripe, so I will have some to harvest very soon. Last Tuesday, I cleaned up my altar space and put down a runner that I love. I then placed out some offerings to the gods, including the first of the strawberries that are off my little plant and a cutting of mint from my prolific plant on the back deck.
It felt like a hollow gesture. A part of me says that I am just spinning my wheels when I pray or lay out offerings right now. I know it is my depression talking. It doesn't make it any easier to bear. As hard as it is to do what little I can in observances right now, I am still going to make the effort. I don't want to fall out of the habit of reaching towards the gods because it will be that much harder to resume the practice later.