New Corn Moon (age: 1 day)
Weather: Seasonably warm, fair skies
To use the phrasing of my larp character who is an avowed priestess of Loki, 'Message received, Boss.' I was just derping around on the interwebz when I found myself finding my way back to the same web page as a result of clicking random links. It was an upfront and obvious thing to have this thrust into my face four times by way of random links.
I had been struggling with some measure of anxiety that I was approaching this whole business of being a follower of the Northern European gods. I made the mistake of reading blogs of some other people who are practicing pagans and found myself feeling like I was coming up short. As a result, I started to perseverate and worry that I was doing all of this wrong. I sat there and questioned if the Aseir, Vanir, and Jotnar would be offended by my involvement with Dea. I then found myself running in proverbial circles, half convinced that I was obviously doing something wrong because what I am doing is so different from what a bunch of others are.
Then Loki broke out the clue-by-four and thumped me with it. (In all honesty, I am thankful that it was a gentle tap on the head this time. Maybe this means that I'm starting to 'get' it.) It is ironic because the message here was much the same as the one that I had conveyed to a dear friend who is struggling with her own spiritual path with Loki. I'm pretty sure that Loki facepalmed at my having issues over this on the immediate heels of passing that message on (in cosmic time, because the actual message incident was a few weeks ago).
The message that I came away with from that post (and I have just read it for a fifth time to confirm what I was getting out of it) was this: trust what the gods are showing you. Their resounding silence on the matter of my involvment with Dea is not condemnation. I haven't gotten any signs that suggest that they're even mildly annoyed with this weird business that I've got going on. I suppose that the gods are more magnanimous then I was willing to admit.
I feel a bit chagrined to note that. Loki, however, doesn't tolerate self deception in his people. He even has given me a nudge in the direction of Odin and Freyr, which suggests that he doesn't want to keep me all to himself. I get the distinct impression that he is amused by my concerns that things were going to be that way between us. I've been stumbling over my own two feet and running myself around in circles of late. Loki is now pointing to me the way to get out of this metaphysical loop that I got myself stuck in.
After my prayers asking for some kind of a sign for how to start making forward progress again, I am thankful for this message. A part of me feels like the fool who couldn't see the forest for the trees but I suppose we all have times where it happens to us. Loki seems willing to let me try on the role of being his priestess via this larp character. I'm still not decided on this because I don't feel qualified for it. Honestly, I don't feel qualified for most of the stuff that the gods have put infront of me.
Loki, however, is nudging me out of the nest. I'm just going to have to take it on faith that I can fly with these proverbial wings. And if I fall, that someone will catch me. I get that there is no question of failure here beyond the failure to make the attempt. So, like I said, message received.