Letters to Loki # 31

Dear Lopt,

I am feeling much better since the depressive episode started lifting Saturday. Now, however, I can't seem to get away from back aches and joint issues. I am heavily inclined to blame this wonky weather we've been having. As much as I am tempted to throw magic at it to make it less intense, I recognize that lil' ol' me versus El Nino isn't going to do much. I've been feeling old injuries and my arthritis a great deal. It seems strangely appropriate, to be honest.

This time of year is when I have a lot of anniversary dates that come up with my PTSD, so I'm feeling old psychological injuries too. I'm trying to just be patient and bear it as best I can. It is, however, exhausting and difficult. I have so much that I want to do but so little energy with which to do it. It really is irritating.

I am making progress on restraining the urge to be hyper critical of myself. It has involved a lot of biting my tongue. I am, however, reaching a point where I stop and consider the thought and determine if it even fits the situation and is legitimate. It's taken a few extra steps in the process of everything, but I think it makes me move in the right direction.

I'm still working at it, so there's that. Maybe I'll actually get this change made this year after all.

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