Strange dreams.

Moon: 3rd Quarter, Waning Gibbous Worm Moon; sign- Aquarius
Weather: Cloudy, moderate chance of precipitation, unseasonably cool
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I've been having strange dreams again. The one I had last night has left me feeling a bit disturbed. I honestly don't know what to say about it. I'm posting it up here because perhaps the people out here upon the internet have some kind of idea as to what this could possibly be. Because I'm stumped.

I dreamt that I had a small infection in my hand. As I probed it, I found what appeared to be a sliver that looked like a very thin bit of driftwood or ivory, or perhaps a fish bone. It was situated within a fold of skin. As I opened the fold of skin, more of this sliver became visible and I decided to expose as much of the sliver as I could to make it easy to pull it out. Soon, I exposed a small ring of similar slivers. I then found that at the base of these slivers were tiny fingers.

I next then found myself looking at my feet and my doctor was explaining that this was because i had absorbed my twin in utero. My joints in my toes were odd because I actually had extra bones in them from my twin's feet.

The thing that was strangest and most disturbing was that the tiny fingers had a sinister feeling to them, if that's possible. With these long, pin thin nails that stood up like porqupine quills from my hand once they were revealed in the joint between the thumb and forefinger.

I don't know what to make of it, but it's been at the back of my mind all day.

Thoughts.

Moon: Full Worm, Scorpio
Weather: Unseasonably warm, intermittant rain
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Sometimes, messages come to us from unexpected places. Sometimes, the messages are ones that have been getting thrown to us many, many times now but we attempted to deny them.

I know that I have a purpose and that I have agreed to do something important with my life.

I know that I am afraid... no, terrified of doing this.

I also know that my fears are inconsequential because no one can judge me for what I do.

After all, who judges us on how we live our lives and do so with out proving themselves a hypocrite?

It doesn't stop me, however, from feeling this fear.

Here, I try to remember that little litany against fear and the message buried in it. The message that we are ultimately in control over our selves and what we do with our lives, even as to how we feel about a situation.

Book of Prophecy, II

A sound body and mind lends itself to a sound spirit. A sound body is healthy, clean, and strong. A sound mind is free from the doubts that encourage self harm, hungers knowledge, and filled with creative fire. From these elements is a sound spirit forged.

Greet the day with joy and gratitude. Greet the night with reflection and tranquility. By this way do you begin to have peace. Live your life with a sense of wonder and a keen knowledge of the joys given to you. Even the smallest thing is a magical wonder to treasure.

Self-empowerment comes in many forms complete the smallest task in your day and take pride in the work and that you performed to the best of your ability. You shall quickly find that by doing this the largest of tasks are the easiest and you can succeed despite any odds.

Speak truth of your heart without fear. Truth shall shelter and protect you from harm. With simple words and honest ways, all things can be righted and the balance restored. At the end, great things will have been achieved without effort.

All life is my beloved children.
We take joy in the beauty of all.
Each thing about you has a spirit or you would not.
I ask my children to love each other.
I ask my children to help each other grow.
As every mother would.

Behold, all about you, I am present.
Yet, my dear, if you do not look within, you shall never see me.

A glimpse into the past.

Moon: Waning Sap Moon, Void of Course
Weather: Seasonably warm, cloudy and intermittent rain

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Here, you can find the view that I had on the Goddess about ten years ago. Somewhere in the last decade, my perspective changed, however. Virtually everything espoused here, I had stated myself in some fashion, or something akin to it. On one hand, it makes me smile wistfully at seeing it. It reminds me of the sense of joy that I had in realizing that my beliefs were validating who I was at that time and that it was healthy to have such a thing in my life.

I realized, however, that it was far too limiting to take this stance.

Much of what is presented by these people, however, does serve well for the neophyte that is seeking to broaden their perspective when they are new to witchcraft as a religion, specifically to Wicca or the form of witchcraft that is popularly practiced in the United States.

I ask, however, that the neophyte who cleaves to this perspective remembers something important:

The divine is not limited by our perspective and is not what we shape it to be. Each of us experience the divine as we are to see it for our own need. It is an independently revealed experience, there by all visions of the divine is correct.

Remember tolerance, young Witch, remember tolerance.

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Edited to add:

In the near future, I will post here that which I was told to share with these people. It is my deep hope that the message that I bear brings only peace and wholesome things. Having the gift of Prophecy is at times as much of a curse as it is a blessing, for sometimes I fear what follows in it's wake.

An addendum to the invitation to discussion.

Moon: Waning Gibbious Sap Moon, Void of Course
Weather: Seasonably mild, partially cloudy, light breezes from the north-west

The information for the moon reflects the following was written yesterday.

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This is addressing the fact that there's a large population (at least in the area I'm in) of young witches and inexperienced witches who are looking for guidance. I believe that the average age of these witches is about 20 to 25.

Alot of those teen witches who were targeted by the marketing efforts of various big publishing houses (specifically Llwellyn) who focused upon making a more mainstream version of witchcraft (predominantly Wicca) are now in a position where they're at a point of being taken advantage of, at best, if not seriously harmed at worst by the unscrupulous others within the larger community of witches and others.

The attitudes that are espoused and encouraged in the 'pagan authoritarianism' that Cain so eloquently dissected elsewhere (I quoted it here.) are what support and continue this type of situation. It creates a culture that implicitly encourages abuse and manipulation. It sets up a power structure and dynamic that disenfranchises the neophyte and the seeker even as it claims to be assisting them in gaining wisdom and providing the emotional support of a community of peers. This supposed support, however, is nothing more then hammering down those who seem to poke their heads up above the waterline in the sewers of bullshit that is rampantly shoveled into the group at the most basic level, that being that of the coven, and fails to serve the needs of anyone except for those who are at the higher levels providing the bullshit and the hammer of 'authority'.

Quite frankly, it disgusts and disturbs me to see blatant lies held up as irrefutable facts. it deeply troubles me when people who question any of the 'Elders' of the community or the leadership of their coven, be punished for doing so. Especially after they had been encouraged to do so prior to their association with witchcraft (generally this being the tradition of Wicca, in all of it's forms). The 'Elders' are held up as authorities who are not to be challenged or questioned. Present anything that makes them look poorly, you are decried and often subjected to a great deal of harassment, never mind if it is true or not.

How long must we wait for a serious discussion?

Moon: Waning Sap Moon, in Scorpio
Weather: Fair skies, seasonably cool, there is a thaw underway

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I open my post today with the same question that I put as my title:

How long must we wait for a serious discussion?

Now, you may be wondering just what we're supposed to be discussing seriously. The discussion in question is over how Witchcraft will proceed forward. Not just one Tradition/sect, but the entire community. There's a group of people who uphold themselves as Elders. Generally, they're not questioned by the population that have come after them and are found to be leaders in the community. Some of these people have founded their own traditions and others have been practicing witchcraft longer then the others about them, thus are viewed as Elders.

I do not claim to be an Elder. I haven't reached that point yet in my life where I feel that I have sufficient experience to be able to claim that title rightfully. However, I have worked as a High Priestess and I have run a few covens over the years. I think this gives me some grounds to hold this discussion with the Elders of our community. This combined with my years of serious study has prepared me for this discussion that simply must happen.

There is a looming crisis within the community of Witchcraft that has been ignored for at least a decade if not longer. Some elements of this crisis have been actively encouraged, even, and this must not continue. The community of Witchcraft has hit a point in our growth and development that we now need to make some tough decisions and answer some serious questions. The discussion that needs to happen is focused upon several different points, but they all combine into creating this crisis.

It's been a thing that we just don't discuss. There have been people who have used Witchcraft in it's various different Traditions/sects (including but not limited to the myriad forms of Wicca) to manipulate and abuse others. Often, this is put down by the community at large as the actions of a fringe group and we do our best to say that the responsibility for that action is squarely upon the shoulders of that person who has done so. We can not, however, continue to do this. Within the community of Witchcraft, especially within the traditions of Wicca that are known to the mainstream population, there has been an environment cultivated that encourages such things. The tolerance of this must not continue.

As a community, we need to not merely denounce and reject the actions of these people. We need to change the culture of our community and actively resist this. Witches have been struggling for the entire time that we've been in the public eye (in the modern era of Witchcraft) to repudiate the concept that we are a dangerous cult. As we're insisting that we are not a dangerous cult, unfortunately, there has been a great deal of effort poured in to whitewash the cults that operate under the auspices of our practices. I'm not talking about one tradition, but virtually all of the traditions of Witchcraft have been abused and encouraged to become safe havens for those who would use the relationship of the coven, especially the leadership positions within a coven, as vehicles for manipulating coven members into doing what they want.

This must stop! We can not tolerate this anymore. The community of Witchcraft needs to change so that we are not turning a blind eye to abuse any more. The community of Witchcraft needs to change so that we are not implicitly encouraging the establishment of covens that are run on the basis of the authority of one person. All dissenting voices should not be silenced. If we truly have Elders in our community, if we truly have leaders in our community, they need to step forward and assume the mantle of leadership and act the part, not simply say that they are.

I am a country witch. I haven't spent much time in the urban setting and I recognize that many, many witches are from that upbringing. I am a hereditary witch. Some of the ways that I do things are how I've been taught in my family and are going to be quite different from how others do them in their traditions. I am a scholar of my religion, a theologian of sorts, and I have quite high standards for what I expect myself to state to others with respect to what I believe and my practices.

These facts and many more that make me different from other witches, does not change the fact that the community of witchcraft needs to change. We can not tolerate this attitude that people who disagree with the Elders are somehow evil or out to destroy witchcraft. And yes, I have encountered that attitude many, many times. We can not tolerate this attitude that the word of the Elders is law and to be obeyed. Nor should we worship the ground they walk upon. They are human. They are failable just as I and anyone else are. In the words of my own mother, they need to take of their britches to shit, too.

This is a change that needs made from the younger part of the community. From the Elders, we need to see true leadership. Not mandates from on high, not holding forth on a topic for the sake of having your acolytes parrot back to you things you feel are particularly brilliant. This kind of thing is a large part of the reason why people left the more mainstream faiths. They did not want some one handing down to them dictates of how to practice their beliefs. And we also need the Elders to not simply dismiss a questioning voice or a dissenting opinion.

Engage in real discussion and present why that dissenting opinion is incorrect, if it truly is. Those who question should be embraced because they are looking for teachers. As Elders, you have a responsibility to teach others. You have a duty to guide them on their path and help them to master the tools they need to reach their own goals. You, yourselves, have questioned your own teachers. You were not batted down and ordered to be silent. You were not chastised and mocked for it. You were not punished for challenging your teachers.

Cease and desist in this barbarism that you are engaging in, Elders. You prove yourselves unworthy of the positions of leadership that you have claimed. You show that you are little better then the bigoted priests and ministers whom you insisted were ordering your lives about from the pulpit when you started on the road to this point. The only differences between you and them is the clothing and how the setting is composed.

If you're a pagan, read this.

Please note, this was written by Cain, a Discordian whom I highly respect. He's probably one of the most brilliant people I have ever met and has written some of the most amazing things I've seen in a very long time. That said, this piece he has written should be read by any pagan, especially those who are in leadership positions.

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Deconstructing Pagan Authoritarianism


As a Discordian, I often feel it is not only an obligation, but occasionally a duty to undermine, question and, if necessary, personally destroy authoritarian systems of control and coercion. Sometimes I do it out of deep-seated distaste, sometimes out of boredom and sometimes for profit, but that is another debate.

Furthermore, I subscribe very much to the views of the noted child psychologist, Jean Piaget, who considered that socio-cognitive conflict was a critical part of the learning process. While researchers have rushed to note that this does not necessarily mean confrontation or opposition, these are in fact important facets of socio-cognitive conflict. If we wish to learn and evolve, it is only through disagreement and conflict that we can ever hope to mentally improve ourselves.

Therefore, when I see groups who not only approve of creating an authoritarian system that stifles this dissent, but that it hypocritically takes this position under the mantle of some philosophy or religion, I get somewhat annoyed. And when I see groups or individuals giving out advice on how to perpetuate this state of affairs...well, that has to be answered. Especially on the internet, where such advice may be put to immoral use, even if that was not the original intention of the author. Such an article would be, for example, How to Keep Your Coven from Being Destroyed by David Petterson (aka Eran). Under the guise of saving covens from villainous trolls, he gives very sound advice on how to maintain systems of control, and his work has been fairly widely disseminated.

I intend here to critically analyze his arguments, both in order to show this is in fact the case, and to highlight the authoritarian strain that it helps legitimize. A follow-up counter-essay may follow, but for now, this alone will do.

Eran starts off by laying out what he sees as “the problem”. Namely that

We've all seen Covens fall apart, or larger umbrella organizations torn by internal strife. Sometimes, this is simply part of the natural cycle of creation and dissolution, an outworn group dissolving to make room for new growth. But at other times, a group with much promise can be damaged or destroyed while seemingly still young and healthy.

There are a number of problems here, right off the bat. Firstly, there is the false distinction between a “natural cycle” of strife and the (presumably) unnatural once he dislikes. What counts as natural, and what does not? As you'll find out from the rest of his article, what he means by not natural is that it was an intended outcome, or one that arose from purposefully created strife. However, can we really say that is not natural? Purposefully created strife may be the product of legitimate grievances that can be resolved in no other way. Since humans exist in a state of competition as well as cooperation, any conflict resulting from that must be 'natural', if we are using the most widely accepted definition of the word. A similar vein of thought might conclude that any group that did succumb to internal strife lacked the necessary legitimacy to make it effective anyway. A group with solid foundations and that has not sought to create grievances should be able to deal with a level of internal dissension. If it cannot, there is clearly a crisis of legitimacy going on.

Secondly, his comment about groups that seemed to be young and healthy. Firstly, its an anecdote, which should make anyone suspicious right away. Secondly, how do we know his perceptions are not faulty? A coven may have many problems or structural weaknesses they wish to hide from outsiders, in hope of attracting more members, attaining certain goals, etc etc. Unless one has intimate knowledge of the group in question, how can one come to a conclusion about its actual potential? It seems very...convenient to lay the blame on some outsider, some scapegoat.

The process by which this happens sometimes seems mysterious and incomprehensible. At times, it's impossible to clearly see what went wrong. Looking at the tragedy after the fact, it seems as if everyone did everything right. There were, perhaps, misunderstandings and miscommunications. But most of the people involved honestly and sincerely tried to understand everyone's point of view, and they did all the correct conflict-management and conflict-resolution kinds of things. But somehow, everything they tried simply made matters worse.

There is an inherent presumption here that the divide or problems are surmountable, that the group can be “perfected”. Sometimes, no matter how sincere a person is in their beliefs, and no matter how much they want to end the conflict, this is impossible due to irreconcilable viewpoints. You have heard of irreconcilable ideas, yes?

It's almost enough to make you paranoid, and wonder if there's a cowen plot to break the will of our most dedicated and ethical people.

Yes, its the devilish tricksters, the Cowan, out to break those of the Old Religion! Ahahahahaha! Or, possibly, you have a problem with taking responsibility for problems that arise in your community and constantly make references to external agents as being the problem. I know which I think is more likely.

A while back, Isaac Bonewits published a review of a book which explored this subject. The book is called, Antagonists in the Church: How to Identify and Deal with Destructive Conflict, by Kenneth Haugk...Isaac highly recommended this book, in spite of it being written from a Christian perspective and intended for a Christian audience of ministers and lay leaders....For a modern Witch or Pagan, reading Haugk's book frequently gets tiresome, because Haugk honestly views conflicts within Christian groups as ultimately being the work of the Devil out to destroy the True Church. But putting aside the Christian apologetics, there's an amazing amount in there which is useful and incredibly insightful.

Again, I can see a number of problems here. You are essentially taking your model for conflict from an absolutist and somewhat paranoid interpretation of Christianity, which lays the blame on the Devil. The only difference between yourself and Haugk is that he uses the Devil, and you use outsiders. The form is otherwise exactly the same, an original and totally committed source, external of course, that creates all this conflict and disorder.

Here's a very important insight: Such conflicts don't "just happen." The really destructive ones, the really vicious fights which tear apart Covens or larger groups, conflicts which break the spirit of the most dedicated Elders, these conflicts aren't accidents, and they aren't the consequence of simple misunderstandings or miscommunications. No; they happen because particular individuals made them happen. There is a class of personality traits which makes certain individuals crave conflict.

How convenient. I suppose blaming it all on a personality type means you can avoid the need for any sort of self-analysis or critical questioning of your own handling of the issue. Also, the conceit that such conflicts are always planned is incredible. As someone who has experience as a conspirator and instigator in some conflicts, I like to consider myself an actual expert in the area. And I can tell you this much: there is no such thing as a single, original cause of any fight. A vicious and destructive fight can be totally sincere and honest, or it can have multiple origins, some legitimate and others done for self-gain, or other reasons entirely.

The personality traits they possess can be identified, and their techniques can be thwarted or rendered ineffective. To handle them properly takes prior knowledge and preparation, however. It also requires a willingness to take firm action, and to freely exercise your legitimate authority as a Coven Leader.

Presumably, any technique that works on such a personality obviously bent towards conflict and destruction would undoubtedly also work on anyone who raised legitimate problems or issues which a Coven leader decided they did not want to address or resolve. After all, if they are not good enough to work on such “dedicated” individuals, then they are worthless, and if they are good enough, then they have multiple applications.

How useful that it also allows the Coven leader to exercise their “legitimate” authority over others. How is any sort of authority legitimate, least of all within religious groups? From whence does such authority derive? Do you have control with the consent of those you exercise power over, or is it based within your religious structure, your “advanced knowledge” or indeed other factors? Many covens are susceptible to nepotism, corruption and the Big Fish in a Little Pond Syndrome, all of which don't sound especially good sources for authority at all.

Since this is a religious context, I'll also give some thoughts on the theology of it all. Regardless of how Haugk views the matter, as Witches we needn't see it as a conflict of good vs. evil, but rather as a case of treating the people around us in the ways which are appropriate to each individual person. Nor is it a case of a cowen plot, but rather of processes which are entirely natural, though discomforting - in the same way a plague or a flood or an earthquake is entirely natural. Though the Gods of Nature throw such disasters at us, we needn't stand passively and merely accept the destruction. If you live on a floodplain or geologic fault, you can, and should, make proper preparations to minimize how badly you'll be hurt.

But wait a minute, you just said above that this is not a natural process? So which is it? Are these people part of a natural system of universal checks and balances on autocratic jerks, or are they not? You contradict your opening statements, which makes the coherency of your train of thought suspect.

And if you build your house on a floodplain or geological fault line, then you're an idiot, or you have to accept the element of risk in your actions. I mean, if we're going to extend metaphors here.

Really destructive conflict is caused by people who are driven to engage others in unwinnable contests. Such people generally have very low self-esteem, little regard for those around them, often a rather loose grip on consensual reality, and frequently possess a fair measure of paranoia. Their low self esteem makes them want to tear others down, in order to make themselves look better by comparison. Having little or no regard for others, they won't care about the damage they cause, and frequently won't even recognize they've caused any. Being unable to distinguish reality from their own rich inner fantasy lives, they will be very convincing liars, because they honestly believe the incredible things they say. And their paranoia is often justified; when they act on their inner drives, they start causing damage, and people stop liking them. Paranoiacs frequently do have many enemies, and few friends.

I question Eran's psychological credentials. For starters, this is taken directly from the description for paranoid personality disorder. Does Mr Eran have any proof that such people actually suffer from such a disease? What is his evidence? Or is he just using mental illness as a particularly nasty and underhanded slur against people who upset the status quo? Surely if these people are sick, then they deserve our sympathy and medical attention, not scorn and belittlement.

I of course question the entire psychological profile put forward here. Again, from personal experience, those who are most suited to creating real, debilitating conflict are usually very sophisticated and adept in social situations, and have a very good grasp on social dynamics and human behaviour in general. They would have to be, in order to create the sort of problems that tear a Coven apart. Unless it was a very weak coven in the first place, of course, in which case my criticisms about legitimacy apply.

All this makes them very guarded and closed-off and secretive, though they'll frequently hide behind a carefully-constructed mask of outward friendliness. One such person was overly fond of the most famous quote from Machiavelli: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." That kind of deceit and duplicity is something to look out for.

A Machiavellian personality is nothing like paranoid personality disorder. Goddamnit, if you are going to pretend to diagnose people with serious mental illnesses, as least keep some coherency in your argument. Such a person would likely tend towards psychopathy, because while they can understand and model their behaviour according to social expectations, they themselves feel no real compassion, benevolence or sympathy because of that empathy.

And again, we are assuming a priori that there is some sort of mental issue going on here. I find this pattern of implicit dehumanization of critics both worrying and somewhat disgusting. Some people enjoy conflict out of boredom. Have you never seen two cats start a fight simply because they can? And, as always, it overlooks legitimate or accidental conflicts entirely.

In a Pagan context, it wouldn't be appropriate to use this imagery of Eternal Conflict. We'd do better with an image more in keeping with Pagan myth and symbolism.

Something like "Shiva" or "Kali" would be an improvement. After all, destruction is a natural process, though one which we don't want to stand too close to, if we can help it. But then, destructive people get most of their strength from the fear and worry they can inspire in their targets, and putting on them a label like "Kali" gives them far too much power. Better still would be a term which, while not minimizing the danger, doesn't give them more respect than they deserve. The Books of Raoul say, "Every ecosystem needs maggots," and so I've heard the term "maggot" used effectively, though that seems to go too far the other way. A word I've chosen to use is "troll."

Wow...hate Hindus much? Both Shiva and Kali have very important roles within Hindu cosmology, ones that are mirrored elsewhere by deities like Coyote, or Hermes, or Eris. I note the objection to the use of the names of the destructive deities isn't the implicit insult to other religions either, but to not give them too much credit or power. So instead you steal an internet phrase.

In much of European mythology and folklore, giants, trolls, and ogres are embodiments of the forces of Chaos, natural forces which often batter at the walls of civilization or even at the orderly forms which Nature Herself creates. Chaos is not an "evil" force. It's simply the flip side of the creative impulse. Seeing destructive people as chaotic rather than as evil helps to place them into a useful and meaningful Pagan context. Of all these chaotic embodiments, trolls are sometimes among the strongest - yet they also have an unintentionally comic side, as we're reminded by fairy tales such as the "Three Billy Goats Gruff," or modern stories such as Tolkien's "The Hobbit". Trolls can be easily outwitted, if you know something about them, for sunlight turns them into harmless boulders. An understanding of the true nature of destructive people is the sunlight which renders them impotent and ineffective.

Oh wow. This is incredible. You're actually being serious here. If we're going to talk folklore, then fine. To extend the metaphor, yet again, the giants of Norse mythology were a destructive force because the Gods denied them immortality. They jealously kept the apples which granted them immortal life in Asgard, and refused to share their powers. The hierarchy between the giants and Aesir looks a more likely cause of conflict than anything else you care to name. But after all, you've already decided those who engage in conflicts are mentally ill, so I doubt rational arguments will sway you much.

Secondly, conflating chaos with destruction and evil, opposed to order? What is this, Christianity 101? I think a generation of avant-garde artists want a word or two here, not to mention several thousand Discordians. Chaos is value neutral, and can as often lead to creation as destruction, since its primary element is that of change. Order can easily be as oppressive as chaos, if not more so, because with oppressive order, the possibility of change or difference is removed. Classical Greece is a perfect example of creative chaos, and the Roman Empire a perfect example of oppressive order.

Thirdly, will you please make up your mind? Are trolls scary and uncontrollable, mentally ill individuals who can reduce entire communities to strife, or are they easily dispatched? You can't have it both ways. This is starting to sound like a Bush speech, hype the threat, then promise the supposedly easy cure. Which of course begs the question no-one ever asks, that if the cure is so easy, why is the threat so dangerous?

Frequently, trolls are unaware of the damage they're causing. A cornered mongoose doesn't really want to rip you to pieces; it just wants to get away. So too, a destructive person will usually deny wanting to cause pain. .... This is the key in a nutshell: trolls are not healthy people, so they can't be expected to act in mature and healthy ways. And treating them as if they were mature and healthy is like treating a cornered mongoose as if it was a beloved housecat. The results are not pretty.

A mongoose or a plague-carrying flea is not likely to change into something else. Neither is a troll. Unless you are very, very skilled as a counselor, nothing you can do will help a troll get healthy. In fact, things you'd normally do to help other people will just make matters worse. If you are understanding and patient in response to a troll's dishonest or destructive acts, what troll learns is: dishonesty and destructiveness is rewarded by patience and understanding. This encourages the troll to continue being dishonest and destructive.

Ah, pseudospeciation at its best. Trolls are not only mythological creatures, they are mongooses, and plague-bearing fleas. And, just like terrorists, they cannot be negotiated with, since they are supremely irrational (except when they are being deviously Machiavellian and manipulating people into doing their bidding, one presumes).

Because trolls need conflict, they are very practiced at it. Experience is a good teacher, and most trolls will have had an enormous amount of experience by the time they are old enough to join a Coven. If you wind up being the target of a troll's attacks, fighting back is not a good idea. Trolls are very, very good at turning any frontal assaults to their advantage. They are even better at finding and manipulating more subtle responses. One of the most powerful defensive tricks they have is pretending to be the victim. Once you respond - in any way, regardless of how measured and controlled your response is - they begin telling everyone they know about how mean you are, and how cruel and vicious and vindictive you're being. It's a good way to turn your own friends against you, and begin making you feel isolated and paranoid. This tactic has the additional advantage of turning attention away from whatever unethical acts the troll was doing in the first place.

Unless of course, they weren't involved in any unethical conduct, and they really are a victim, that you are victimizing. This paragraph says to me “ignore anything the so-called troll says! Everything will be a lie, they can't be trusted!” So much for the truth winning debates, instead the solution would seem to be isolation and ignoring the points raised. Again, avoiding the necessity of, oh, perhaps taking a critical look at yourself and your role in the conflict or drama.

So, patience won't help; retaliation won't help; love and support won't help. Explaining the situation won't help, and neither will proposing solutions or compromises, nor will mediation or engagement in any sort of dialogue. If you wind up in any dispute or argument with a troll, doing any of these things will simply make matters worse, and will probably result in incredible pain. Yet these are exactly the approaches you should use with most people who are not trolls. Most people are healthy. Trolls are not, and should not be treated as if they are. Trolls are not healthy; they won't get healthy, they don't want to get healthy, and keeping them near you will eventually let them harm you.

WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERR-UH, TROLLS. So you may as well not bother engaging any person who is causing any sort of minor upset, since they are a troll (supposedly). The only thing that can be done is to remove them as soon as possible, and ignore anything else they say or do. Only then can our pristine and perfect world can be restored.

That is part one of both this essay and my response completed. The next should follow shortly.

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Read the rest of his essay on his blog.

Yay! Sleep deprivation!

I really need to be awake when blogging.

Facing Fear Head on.

We all have times where we're afraid. Sometimes, that fear is so intense that the world seems to become nothing but a vast morass of oppressive forces at work for your destruction. It may sound funny, but I think that the high influence of science fiction classics in my education and upbringing has proven to have an interesting effect upon how I view fear.

I present to you this gem of wisdom from Frank Herbert's Dune:

The Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

It may sound a little foolish, but I try to keep this in mind when I am facing my fears.

So, as I sit here facing fears regarding small details of life, such as money, I strive to keep this in my mind. It's been something that has been there in my mind since I saw a movie version of Dune when I was a kid. It's funny, however, that something like this would stay in my mind in the face of so many things.

I think, however, that precious little from my forays into science fiction as a girl has ever served me better then this. (I've cross posted this into my other blog as well.)

A recurring dream/vision.

Moon Phase: Waning, Gibbous Moon
Moon Sign: Sagitarius
Weather: Cold, moderately cloudy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I occasionally will have visions of things. Sometimes, my ancestors will come to me in them and tell me things or give me tasks to do. There are times where I can make sense of them quickly. Othertimes, I may over complicate them in my efforts to make sense of them. This, I suspect, is the case in the one that I present below. This has been a recurring dream in the midst of the dreams of nonsense. This dream, however, has been particularly clear. I know that there is a message here. I just can not make sense of it.

Now, to place a bit of context here. I am dreaming of the native american women to whom I am related. One is my great-great-great grandmother, a Souix medicine woman. The other is her grandmother. They are related to me on my mother's side of the family. They've come to me at other times with answers to major questions or information. They've also taught me things as well. All of this said, here is the vision that I have been struggling with. Please, some one, help me make sense of it.

I am walking on a dirt path thru a forest. It is late Spring/early Summer. The air smells wet and heavy, though the Earth is dry. I believe it will rain sometime later. The walking stick in my hand is warm and my sandals are uncomfortable because my feet are mildly swollen. Ahead of me on the path, she is waiting as she always is. On her stern face, however, is a smile. She is proud of me for struggling up this far and actually showing it on her face, rather then a curt nod of approval.

The baby is squirming in his sling across my shoulders. He's secure, so I am not worried. I think we may need to run, but I don't know. The ground here is uneaven. The soil has a red color to it, smells strongly of clay. I think I'm in western Georgia, but I'm not sure. This place never seems to have any firm indications of where it is, except for the forest, mountains, and the humidity. Ahead of us is the village. Nothing here has changed in the years of having visions of this place. Grandmother has come out of her home. She never does that. But now, here she is, standing in the sunlight with her steel grey hair gleaming in the dappled light.

She is also smiling. It is a plesant surprise, but I am now wondering why they are smiling. I walk up to her and embrace her. She nods and claps me on the shoulder before pointing up to the top of the hill (mountian? what is this place? I've had dreams and visions of being here and I just don't know!). I turn and begin walking up the path and they walk with me. It is silent, but they've never been ones to idly chatter. As we walk, I see that there is a large stone outcropping up here. The stone is flint and remains jagged and sharp, despite countless years of weather wearing at it.

I'm motioned over to the edge of it and told to sit. They sit beside me and point away off to the East. There, on the horizon, I see open green fields turning to sand. Among them, people are flailing, covered in bugs. Various stinging and biting insects swarm over them. I'm told that this is what is coming and that pure, clean water will help prevent this from coming into my home.

They then point off to the West. There, the horizion appears as though there is a sunset, but all in shades of red. Away, as far as the eye can see, there is bare bedrock in an uneaven broken sheet. Animals and people are fleeing as this barrenness spreads, spurred on by wind. Where the sun would be setting, there is a point of darkness. It is almost oily black, but it has a depth with out luster. Within it, there is a figure of a darker black walking forward. All of this spawns forward with each step.

They then point to the North. Snow and wind blind me for a moment. Then, I can see children playing, shreiking and screaming with laughter. The air is so cold that it takes my breath from me and my lungs burn. The snow falls faster and faster, piling up higher. Soon, the children are no longer laughing but crying. They want to come in out of the cold, but can not for they are lost in the snow. The places where their footprints were in the snow are filled in and swept clean by the wind.

Then, they point to the South. I'm told to watch and not say a word. I see smoke. I can smell inscence, I believe it is frankinscense, but I am not sure. It is heavy and cloying, I can taste it on my tounge. A woman is groaning and crying out. Her belly is huge and her head is hanging down as she lies back on an odd looking chair. Her feet are raised and her shoulders are as well. It as though she is sitting in a crouch, like a hospital bed with stirrups for labor or a gynecologial exam. The chair is made of red wood, almost looking like fresh cut cedar when it is wet. I can not see her face. Her hair is long and twisted. She is coated in sweat and seems to possibly be in labor. I don't know, all I see is her straining to no apparent avail. After a few moments of additional struggle, she leans back and begins to weep and cries out with anger.

Something that is supposed to happen is not happening and she is tired. As a person wearing a turqoise/aqua colored paper mask approaches, she begins to yell at them. "No, don't you dare poison me with those things. You claim they help but they don't! Don't you dare put them in me! Now, get away! Go!" The smoke rises and stings my eyes as it obscures my vision.

Then I see the trees on the hills with their leaves dancing in the breeze. I hear bells and the Grandmother takes my hand and pats it. She kisses my son, who is sleeping, on his forehead. She walks away down the path. My other ancestrix sits by me. She's waiting for me to do or say something. But I don't know what I am supposed to do. Down at my feet, a pregnant mouse comes out of the grass and stares up at me with a large seed in her teeth. She sits up on her hind paws and begins to eat, staring up at me expectantly.

The Beloved and Betrothed.

Moon: Waning Storm Moon, Gibbious
Moon Sign: Virgo
Weather: Cold, partially cloudy with high thin clouds predominant at the moment, light breezes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some may question how love fits into the life of witches. For some witches, their relationships are monogamous and for others they're polygamous. Social pressure around us frequently encourages us to remain in monogamous relationships. Our hearts may call us in other directions and we may even find ourselves left in a state of conflict.

Here, I need to take a moment to remind any and all Readers, the perspective of witchcraft varies from coven to coven and from tradition to tradition. I also feel it wise to remind you all that the ethics and belief system of witchcraft are different from Christianity and generally those espoused by the population at large of the community where in we live.

This reminder given, I ask that any and all who are in such a state of conflict and practice witchcraft take a moment to look at the things we uphold as holy. We uphold life in all of it's mewling, puking glory to be holy. We uphold love to be holy, even as conflicted and confusing it may be. And, we up hold the body to be holy. In this respect, why must we constrain ourselves to love in any form?

If we feel that monogamy is the correct relationship for us, then we shall engage in it. If we feel that polyamory is correct for us, then we shall engage in it. What is vital here is to be responsible in this setting, for we can not say that we are acting with love and reverence if we are reckless. Our lover(s) must be informed and understand the relationship. This must be a mutual thing, for one person can not be polyamorous and the other monogamous in a given relationship with out a great deal of difficulty if this is not agreed upon. As such, I present the following suggestions:

1. Regularly check with the person whom you are romantically involved with if they are comfortable, happy, or feel safe. If any of these are not so, pause and determine why. Address the problem and then plan how to proceed forward.
2. Make certain that all parties with whom you are intimate are in good health. If they are not in good health, take proper measure to ensure the health and safety of yourself and them. This is a form of respect and reverence for the other person(s) involved and the acts you engage in.
3. Do not do anything that makes you feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or pained in any fashion. These feelings are warnings that something is wrong, so be aware of them. Do communicate them to the people around you. Pause and determine what the cause of this is. Address the problem, and then plan how to proceed forward.
4. Make a point of regularly expressing the affection you feel for the people you love. The more you express your affection, the more it will be expressed in return. Check to make sure that you are conveying it with the appropriate methods (those that make the target of your expression aware of your feelings in a manner that is safe and they are comfortable with, above all be respectful).

If you look, you will see that there are two themes in my four points of advice. Open and honest communication is one theme. The second is respect. With out these, no amount of love will permit a relationship to be strong. A strong relationship is healthy. These two things are required to maintain the health of your relationship. The more people you add into a relationship, the more this is needed.

Now, to return to my earlier theme: what is the role of love in the life of a witch?

Our romantic pairings (or other groupings) is but one of many expressions of love. Love is in many respects the basis of our actions. This is not in the sense of the Christian community's abstract unconditional love of all. Though it is akin to it in some respects. The love a witch feels is first a love of themselves. This is not narcissism. This love is what's known by many as self-respect. It is here that many, many of our actions are rooted. To disrespect oneself is to disrespect one's divine potential. It is the same as spitting in the face of one's own mother. An act that is distasteful and insulting on a most basic level.

While we all of our struggles with this, we must strive to continually express to ourselves how much we are loved and worthy of love. All are deserving of love. And love has no limitations on it. All love is unconditional. Limitations come from one's efforts to conduct themselves in a manner that will promote love to flourish, much like pruning a rose bush will prove helpful to it's health. Just as love is unconditional, we must recognize that the object of love is not fixed.

This is a point of difference between Christians and witches. We do not fix our hearts upon one thing, for we recognize that love will wax and wane. It is an emotion that we feel to varying degrees of force. We do not strive to express it at full force all the time to all that we possibly can. It is not possible for most to accomplish simply due to the limitations of their lives. Those who can accomplish it are often tormented by the fact that others do not feel it as they do and agonize over how to express it.

In this, we also recognize that relationships are something we choose and engage in on a basis that extends beyond love. Our relationships are also based in our choices. Long term relationships serve a need that is greater then just love, though none is willing to admit it. We may find that we do not desire a life with out a given person in it. As such, we seek to ally ourselves with them in a manner that is appropriate to our relationship with them. If they are our lover, we may choose to wed them. When the times where the force of our love wanes, we have our choice to support our relationship. Here, we can seek our lover's expression of love to us, for it will help kindle our own feelings of love.

It is, however, not their duty to do so. For they too are subject to the tides of their own heart. It is the failure, however, to maintain the relationship that is the cause of dissolutions of marriages and other relationships. If we do not choose to continue to engage in the relationship, the waning of the tide of love for a given person will bring with it the ending of that relationship.

The beloved can be the same person if we work to maintain that relationship. So to is true of the betrothed.

Runemal from the night of the Lunar Eclipse

This is from another blog of mine. I post it here in the hope that the message will reach the person that needs it. This was not as difficult to interpret as the tarot reading from the same night, but it was still surprisingly challenging.

***************

Fate brings two possible scenarios:
1. Impovershed circumstances leading to spiritual wholeness.
2. Joy leading into a loving union.

***************

The physical form continues to struggle in recorrecting the imbalances from the past pregnancy.

***************

A summer pregnancy is ahead. It is not fully anticipated but not unprepared for.

***************

Strength in autumn. Words will be as weapons and honor as a sheild.

***************

Fetters will be released upon needed destruction, though few will understand the chaos. Ride the storm.

***************

Tarot reading from the Lunar Eclipse

Moon Phase: Full Storm Moon Total Lunar Eclipse
Moon Sign: Virgo
Weather: Partially cloudy, cold
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tarot Deck Used: The Witches Tarot from Ellen Cannon-Reed
Spread Used: Celtic Cross with the 3 Card spread as confirmation

Position: Card (R)*, Clarifiers (R)*

* (R) - this indicates the card is reversed.

*************
1. Querant: High Priest, 8 of Cups

He is engaged in all the proper acts. Fulfilling his role and duty in all areas as proscribed and in the correct form. He has kept his emotions and deep spirit in check. They now threaten to overflow. Be aware of boundries. Self-imposed limits do not always reflect what is there.

2. Situation: Lovers, 7 of Cups

He strives for her but she will slip his grasp until he fully unites his will to his spirit and grasps his desire firmly in both hands. Until then, she will look away to spirit, though spirit looks to flesh and is cloaked in the body and mind.

3. Deep Past: Chariot, Queen of Swords, Prince of Swords, and Ace of Pentacles

He was torn between two passions. One sought a 'strong Mother' in a severe woman of a firey temperment. The other seized control of fledgling passions and youth's heat. This direct path lead to enlightenment of the body and Earthly forms of knowledge.

4. Moderately Deep Past: Strength, Fool, Magician, Seeker/Hermit*, and 9 of Swords

Power came in surrender to ecstacy. A new path of Enlightenment came to him. He found occult knowledge and skill, but not the answers he sought. He turned within to seek knowledge. He has found his enemy is himself.
* As I looked at this card, I was told quite clearly to name this card as Prophet

5. Recent Past: 2 of Cups

Distance between his goal and himself has been keenly felt. The most recent attempt brought ignorance and denial of his value. She was praising barreness in the face of virility, yet crying for fertility. She is blind to the precipice. He has continued to struggle.

6. Immediate Future: Ace of Cups

Illumination, love, and an answer to the call of the Moon. One shall lead him along the way even as she gives him a healing draught of her heart. She will pass, and his life will be better, for she brings clarity in her ecstacy.

7. Hopes & Fears: King of Pentacles, 8 of Swords

He fears to be old, bitter, and alone despite of his wealth and money. He fears that he is fighting an insurmountable enemy. He hopes that these fears are illusions, but a nightmare from which he shall wake or a winter depression.

8. House & Home: Queen of Pentacles, Justice and 7 of Swords

One who is near to him provides a solid, grounding presence. Her motherly wisdom is from the age of her spirit. She is blessed with deep insight and clear vision with her gift of prophecy. You are encouraged to find rest and refuge in her arms.

9. Hand of God: Prince of Pentacles, 6 of Cups

He shall continue on his path. He is now manifesting the energy of his earlier choice. He will be called to celebrate this at Beltane. This is ordained of his spirit and from God's being.

10. Outcome: 6 of Pentacles

Remember that expression ~ "Life is a banquet and most poor fools are starving to death." Make a point to celebrate and seek joy. Grasp opportunity as it comes to you. Wealth, youth and joy may fade. Memory's store remains fresh and idle tears need not shed.

*************
I. Past: 5 of Pentacles

Past difficulties seemed insurmountable inspite of his well completed work. His body was heavy and weary as his mind and spirit. Grim determination carried him forward.

II. Present: 6 of Wands

He turns within himself. He seeks solace in nature even as he strives to free himself from all destractions to his task of knowing and mastering himself.

III. Future: 9 of Cups

Love comes. All that is hidden shall be revealed. His power shall come to him. A woman shall be his guide.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I stated elsewhere, I do not know who this reading is for. This was a very difficult reading for me to interpret. Never have I had one that proved to require three days to fully interpret the layers of meaning. As such, I think it is more then important to present this here for the world to see, for I am sure the person who needs this reading will reach me somehow, if I do not know him.

Early Springtide Thoughts

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous Storm Moon
Moon Sign: Cancer
Weather: Cloudy, light precipitation & moderate breeze
(unseasonably warm, frontal edge due to pass thru soon)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soon, it will be the full moon. We have reached the very beginning of the spring season with Imboleg just behind us. Imboleg (also spelled Imbolc) is a holy day in the Wiccan calendar and in several other Pagan belief systems. It comes from the pagan Irish Celts. This was the time of year when they held religious observances in honor of the beginning of the lactation of the herds. This was the first sign of the coming spring and the soon to be birthed livestock. This was also a fire festival.

Herds were driven between a pair of roaring bonfires for the sake of helping to stave off illness. Fleas and other small pests were drawn to the heat and light of the fire, jumping off of their hosts and killed in the flames. This and several other rituals that we have fragmented records of are grounded in such simple roots. The additional sacred meanings were added later.

During this time of year, we find ourselves faced with the bane of the season: boredom. As during the month of February, and in the early part of March, the harshest and coldest times of the year will fall, we are often cooped up indoors for longer then we'd like. We start to suffer from cabin fever and get quite restless. Some of us can afford that trip to some place sunny and warm for that week when school is out. Some of us have the means to get out of the house and go to the mall or off to someplace entertaining (the zoo, museums, or even the movies). There are also those of us who can not do these things.

This is where that infamous thing called Spring Cleaning is actually your friend. While you can not go full bore into it and air out the house, it doesn't mean you can't start. Take some time to sort your linens. Throw away the items too worn out to make rags and the ones that are in good condition (but you still don't want) give away to a local charity. Then, go out and purchase two (or more, if needed) sets of linens that you absolutely love. Get one set that is nice and warm (I find flannel to be just lovely) and one that's going to be wonderful for the summer.

Sort out your clothes and get rid of the things that you will never wear again. That which is too useless for even rags can still have a use if you do handcrafts. If you don't, or if your fabric box is so large that it really should be paying it's way in rent, get rid of it. That which doesn't fit you properly (and you can afford it) get rid of it and go buy some comfortable clothes. Sure, we all have the goal of losing those 10 to 20 (or more) pounds by summer, but we shouldn't have to feel guilty when we get dressed in the morning. The clothes that you love and are getting worn out, take a bit of thread and a needle, mend it up. Some of your rags can make very interesting patches if cut nicely and you can also change the look of your clothes with a few well placed stitches and appliqué.

One of the things I have found that we all crave this time of year is the interaction with something green. Houseplants are wonderful for this. If you don't own any, you should consider investing in some. And yes, I mean investing. You don't need to go buy anything expensive, but take your time to determine what you need and what will be well suited to your indoor environment. Houseplants serve alot of good, even if no one really talks about it. We can always talk to our plants, and they'll flourish just from the attention. It really doesn't matter if we're telling them how beautiful they are or if they're just listening mutely to our sob stories about daily life.

Houseplant also clean the air in your home, which is going to be good for your health. And, let's not forget, that little bit of moisture that they require will also add to the humidity of your home as well. This time of year, the air is so dry that I know that I have problems with my hands getting painful with dry skin. I'm sure you do as well. If you have the space, you can put some newspaper down on the floor and repot your houseplants. Obviously, look up just what these beauties need to flourish. You want to do it right, so make sure that you're armed with all the information you need. But, the smell of wet earth and the feel of the loam beneath your hands will do wonders for cabin fever as well. Do it once a year and you'll find that your plants benefit as much as you do.


Doing these simple and practical things can help bring springtide into your life even when the crocuses haven't quite peeked up yet from the snow.

Passing messages along.

I'd use my new format for posts, except this is to some extent a reposting as well.

I've several dear, dear friends who are exceptionally gifted psychics. Stargazer is one who just happens to have a particularly close relationship with me. It seems like when ever I miss a message from the spirits, they let her know and it gets back to me some how. That said, this post is in part an effort to forward the message on and a reminder to myself to verbally convey it as well.

This is from Stargazer:

"She needs to tell Dave to be more careful. It's already dangerous enough, and he's getting reckless. There has been enough."

Yay, I'm running an online business!

So, I've been working on making a little money with my Tarot reading. I finally finished the website for the on-line business. Gods willing, I'll be successful and bring in a little bit more money to help out with the financial affairs here at home.

It does bring to mind the long debate that I had with myself over things like if I am acting in something of an improper way by selling my services. I'll post some of my thoughts on that front when I have a bit more time, however.

Here's the website, dear reader, enjoy!
http://cydira.tripod.com/cydirascards/

medication & psychic gifts (reposted)

As you may have seen in my earlier post, I am on antidepressants and I'm psychic. This isn't the first time that I've been on these. While it may seem odd to some folks, I can't help but say that the foods and medications that I put into my body do have an effect upon my psychic abilities. I could see some of the skeptics say that what I think is my intuition telling me something is wrong would prove a mere case of indigestion, but that is a different topic altogether from what I'd like to discuss.

As a psychic and a kitchen witch, I recognize the necessity to keep close watch over your health and well being. If I'm not healthy, I can't use my skills to their fullest potential and I can't exactly do well in "mundane" areas. {Now, all y'all who are psychic, can you please point to where the "mundane" areas are, because I can't seem to find any? ;) } That's just a matter of common sense. When we get sick and need to take medicine, we know that it affects our bodies and they obviously affect our minds. Cold medicines and pain medications will carry warning labels that one should not operate heavy machinery. Other medications warn us to limit exposure to direct sunlight and then we're advised to maintain a diet that doesn't include alcohol.

These are but a few examples of a list that's far longer then I think even the pharmaceutical companies realize detailing the effects of medications on our bodies and concerns we need to keep in mind. Even herbal remedies can have side-effects and these are things we need to keep in mind also. For example, if one were to use foxglove tea, they'd need to take great care not to introduce other things that place strain upon the kidneys and liver, for digitalis is generally fairly hard on those organs.^* All of this said, what exactly can we say is the effect of medications on our psychic abilities?

As I look back over the years and consider this question I have a few things that I need to note. Perhaps others who have psychic abilities can contribute their thoughts here, so we can clarify this matter to some extent. I have found that narcotic medications for pain and medications to induce sleep generally tend to inhibit my psychic abilities. The narcotics seem to have the strongest effect, generally serving to "shut off" just about all of them.

The SSRIs that I have taken for anxiety and depression over the years all generally served to slow down how quickly psychic impressions come to me. The one that does this the least also appears to be the only one that has successfully worked in helping me with these problems.

Most herbaly based remedies for pain (such as raspberry tea for menstrual cramps) don't generally affect my psychic gifts.

I'm certain there are more but I can't think of them at the moment and my son has decided that he's finished his nap. When I recall more, I'll post on them as well.

*The use of Digitalis purpurea should be only under the supervision and guidance of a skilled herbalist and with the consultation of a licensed pharmacist and medical doctor

The Beloved and the Betrothed

Waxing Ice Moon, sign of Gemini
Weather unseasonably warm (just short of record breaking highs during the day) and cloudy

*****

Some may question how love fits into the life of witches. For some witches, their relationships are monogamous and for others they're polygamous. Social pressure around us frequently encourages us to remain in monogamous relationships.

This will be completed at a later date.

Secular New Year vs. Samhain, Witch's New Year

Oak Moon
Waning (age: 20 days), in Virgo
Weather: mild, low clouds, expecting some rain or snow

******

For many witches, Samhain (Oct. 31, also known as Holloween here in the US) is the beginning of the new sacred year. Much like the Jewish Rosh Hashanah, Samhain is a time for one to focus upon the past year and introspection, as well as making plans for the new year. While in the Jewish tradition, work is prohibited and attendance at temple, with contemplation of the liturgical texts appropriate to the holy day is required, it is a bit different in witchcraft.

Yes, many witches hold circles and will engage in boisterous celebrations. Some will hold somber rememberances for the dead and others will engage in the merriment that overtakes the rest of the community in a glut of candy, chocolate, and hijinks, Samhain can have many different ways it is celebrated. Within my tradition, Samhain is both a time for merriment and a time for preparation.

A long, long time ago, Samhain was approximately during the time of the last major harvest of the year and the culling of the herds. This time was a time of mixed emotions because the approaching winter brought great apprehension even as there was joy that the labors of the year were nearly over. This time of mixed emotions does persist into the modern era, though it doesn't fall on Samhain as frequently now.

Now, the date of Dec. 31st is the one where we culturally have our time of merriment and apprehension. We bid the old year good bye, celebrate the coming year, and find ourselves plagued by the uncertianty of the coming year, in addition to being troubled by lingering fears of the past year.

Here, on the verge of the secular New Year, I realize that Samhain has come to me late this year. It fell on the secular New Year, rather then the Witch's New Year. I find myself relieved that the burdens of the past 12 months are finally passing, but I am also concerned for the burdens that will persist as well. I am filled with deep and speechless joy, gratitude, and wonder for all of the special and truly amazing things that has happened this year, such as the birth of my son. I feel hope for the coming year and also anxiety.

In this, I realize that I must bid the year good bye in a way that banishes the past fears and plans for the coming year. At Samhain and at the secular New Year, many people light bonfires. These fires are lit generally for the pure pyromaniac joy of watching something burn. Oh sure, many people talk about how these fires are symbolically bringing in the warmth of the summer or some such rot like that. But let's be honest, 99% of the people who light fires on New Years and Samhain are doing so because the fire looks cool. Not saying that symbolisim is bad, but there is such a thing as reading far too much into something.

That rant aside, I believe that I'm going to do some variation (obviously much smaller) of a bonfire. It may only be a candle, but this flame will be used to symbolically consume the old year's dross. I think I may also do a little ritual to reinforce my goals of the next year in addition to this, I haven't decided yet. But I recognize that I need to do this, which brings me back to what I wanted to say earlier but I think I did a terrible job of doing.

It is important to take at least one day out of the year for us to recognize where we have been and where we'd like to go. This is what the holy day of Samhain is for in my tradition and the way that I try to view the secular New Year as well.

Crisis of Faith Redux

Oak Moon
Phase: First Quarter (Waxing Gibbious, age:10 days)
Position: Taurus
Weather: Seasonably cool, mild warming trend bringing temps to slightly above freezing, high thin clouds, light precipitation, minimal wind

**************
I've been having an old dream again. It's not exactly a nightmare, though it does have many of the elements of my nightmares in it. Usually, I do fairly well interpreting my own dreams. This one, however, has had me stumped for quite some time. I asked a friend of mine to take a shot at interpreting it and he suggested that it was indicating that I was experiencing some type of a crisis of faith.

That discussion happened a few days ago. As I have been trying to puzzle it out, because it does make sense for some reason that I wasn't able to define, I've been struggling with the pulls between the demands of being a new mother, a housewife, and a businesswoman. In all of this, I've been failing to place sufficient emphasis on my spirituality. Indeed, I've been stretched out too thin and spending more time spinning my wheels rather then doing all of them with the measure of success I could be doing.

I've been treated for postpartum depression. They were talking about having me on anti-depressants for at least a year. I recall how anti-depressants play with me after a while and the risks of dependence upon those things is high enough to make me uneasy. I've weaned myself off of them and am doing alot better then I was when I was diagnosed with the postpartum depression. Now, it's just feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. I can't use postpartum depression as an excuse for my shortcomings. That problem has been resolved, even if the others around me choose to disagree with me on it.

No, I think I have figured out where that crisis of faith is. It's not in the sense of what religion I practice. It's not exactly that kind of crisis of faith, so much as it is a crisis of faith in my self. It's a realization that has me looking at everything that's been overwhelming me with a new perspective. It has forced me to admit that I've been afraid that I can't do all this at once. Looking back over the last several months, however, that is what I have been doing. I may not have been doing it well, but I have been managing a juggling act of a fairly large proportion well enough that my home is not a pigsty, dinner is usually on the table at a reasonable hour, my family is generally happy and healthy.

And this has been in the face of my problems with postpartum depression and feelings of inadequacy. The postpartum depression didn't cause those feelings, though I'm sure some one reading this may decide to suggest that. No, it served to make me aware of it. Much like the difficulties I had in my pregnancy served to make me aware that I need to be more compassionate towards myself and take better care of my health. These things are fairly gentle wake-up calls from the Universe.

I know what practical things I need to do to get all of this anxiety under control. I also know what I need to do to find the root of the problem and resolve it. I may not like doing these things, but they are part of the reason why I began practicing witchcraft and the reason why I returned to it. As such, I suppose Samhain came late for me this year, falling closer to the secular new year then the witch's new year. Such is life, though.

A Yule Meditation

Oak Moon
Phase: Waxing Crescent (in the sign Pisces, 8 days old)
Weather: Seasonably cold, high thin clouds and occasional lake effect flurries
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This is reposted from another blog of mine, it was originally posted yesterday, hence the above notation reflects this.
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Soon, it will be Yule. Some people think of this season as a depressing time of year and others think of it as a joyous one because of all the boisterous holiday celebrations that surround us. Having been raised on a farm, I found that the winter was a time of rest and preparation. We took time to make plans for the spring planting and to relax with family.

The rush and effort of the harvest behind us, we had some time to enjoy the fruits of our labors and to engage in more indoor persuits. My father spent a good amount of the time, when I was a girl, doing things like making models with my brothers and I. He worked at the food processing factory across the county, but when he was needed on the farm his work day didn't end until late at night. In the winter, however, he didn't need to trouble himself with worry if a tractor needed some repairs or if the hay baler needed more wire.

Then, we spent time doing things like stargazing in the icy cold nights and having snowball fights on saturday afternoons. Intermixed with the happy memories of my early childhood, I have more sorrowful ones. Such as the last christmas with my great-grandmother Hazel, whom I adored, and how she didn't recognize me. Or the winter that I was repeatedly abused by a boyfriend I had in highschool, to the extent where I found myself in fear for my life on a semi-regular basis.

Here, as I find myself on the threshold of midwinter, I can not help but feel thankful for all of those experiences that have lead up to where I am today. Some will burn in my memory as bright flames of joy, like the rush of excitement I felt when I saw Halley's Comet thru my grandfather's old telescope one December night many years ago, and others will be pangs of sorrow, like the memory of that batch of butterscotch great-grandma Hazel and I shared after my 3rd grade christmas concert.

Winter is a time for us to slow down, to turn inward and take stock of where we are and where we'd like to be. Just as we may plan out the flowerbeds or the vegetable patch for next spring's planting, we can plan out where we want to be come next winter. And in all of it, remember, it is good. We've all worked hard to be where we are, even if it didn't feel like it. And we are all wonderful people, so that work has borne good fruit.

Dreams

Oak Moon
Phase: Waxing crescent (age - 5 days)
Sign: Pisces

Weather: seasonably cold, high cirrus clouds, no precipitation and little wind.

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At one point, I had taught a dream interpretation class. This was a few years ago and many people felt that it was quite helpful to them. It is ironic, then, that I have a difficult time interpreting my own dreams. I generally don't worry too much about that minor glitch, I figure if I'm one of the lucky few who can actually read their tarot cards for themselves, then I shouldn't feel too badly about difficulty interpreting my own dreams. Even so, I admit I feel a great deal of fustration.

Recently, I have been having an old dream reoccur on a somewhat regular basis. A few weeks of insomnia concluded with this dream returning to me. Now, it's been a few nights of my having this dream and it's beginning to bug me. I know there is a message buried in it, and I suspect that my friend who helped me out some with interpreting it is right.

Perhaps this dream is indicating that I have some form of a spiritual conflict that I'm struggling with. It relates, I think, back to a few other conflicts that I've been struggling with that, ironically, deal with some dreams of mine.

With the birth of my son, one of my greatest dreams has been fulfilled. I am a mother. It is a blessing that I had yearned to have for a long time. With my marriage to my husband, another one of my dreams for my life has been fulfilled. The same is true with the completion of college a few years ago. Now, I find myself in a very uncomfortable position.

There are elements of past dreams that I have abandoned all around me. My dream of being a novelist rests on a small pile of floppy disks, a file folder of research, and three different versions of a manuscript. My dream of being a teacher is bound up neatly into a portfolio collecting dust on a shelf next to one of the versions of my novel manuscript. My dream of being a spiritual leader and teacher is scattered about with my different divination tools, books, and related items thru out my home. And there is some other thing that ties these different threads together that I feel present but I am afraid of.

My spirituality has been a very important part of my life. It is what has guided me and prompted me to take stock of the importance of my nightly dreams. They are messages to me from my soul's deepest recesses. Now, I find that I am struggling with a deep fear of a dream that I never felt worthy of. Even as I struggle with it, there is something pulling me forward. I can fight it, or I can swallow my fear and move forward on my own.

Either way, I believe the answer lies in my dreams.

Preparation for Yule

Snow Moon
- Phase: Waning
- Position: Virgo

Weather: cold, cloudy, freezing rain immanent;
currently winter-storm warnings in effect

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Today is the first day of the Christian season of Advent. They prepare themselves for the Second Coming of Christ and the celebration of His Nativity, Christmas.

Today is also a part of the wildly insane holiday shopping season. A gross orgy of consumerism and surfeit that makes the sweet tooth of the secular celebration of Holloween look ascetic. To say that I am repulsed by the secular celebrations of the season is to be committing a great understatement. I loathe and abhor the vast majority of the secular celebrations of this time of year and of several other holidays. It is not because it is a subtle programme of state sponsored conversion taictics (as some of the neophytes around would have you think) or because it is some deeply buried secret wish that people would celebrate the birth of Jesus (as some of my detractors may try to convince you).

No, my repulsion of the holiday season (because let's be honest, they don't call it the holiday shopping season, do they?), is because it encourages people to denegrate others for the sake of their immediate gain. Objectification is the problem, to be precise. I have an infant son whom I do not want to believe that there is any time of year that it is permissible to reduce other people to mere objects, playthings that should accord themselves to his whims. The message of this season, unfortunately, is just that.

"Oh, you're being a Scrooge!" some may cry, but I ask if I truly am? Let's take a step back and look at what we are inundated with starting as early as midsummer. (Yes, you did read that right, Midsummer! Some of the stores in my area were in the process of setting up their Christmas displays in July.) Many, many messages are imparted that if we are to show our affection it must be done with things. Our degree of affection shown is gaged by the expense, trendiness, and generally approved societal value of the object.

Men are exhorted to give their wives and female signifigant others exorbitantly expensive jewelry from the "right" stores. Women are chided to give the men in their lives insanely expensive televisions, new tools, and similar gender "appropriate" gifts. Parents and all adults are functionally ordered to purchase for their children every and any toy on the market for their age group and the latest cell phone/gadget produced this month. People are told to remodel their homes, refurnish the living room in the latest styles, and generally remake themselves into the season's latest image. All for the sake of showing affection in the correct way and to present the correct face to society for the holiday season.

Now, some may ask where the problem lies in all of this. We can all refuse to engage in these ludicrous acts of wanton financial suicide. We, however, are told subtly that we're not good enough if we don't enter into these foolish acts. We are told that we are not valued if the people around us don't engage in this ritualized stupidity. And children are repeatedly told that they are of lower status and value if they are not catered to and given all they desire. Why are we told these things, because of the subtle whisper of what is not said, but implied in all of these ads.

This is what repulses me of this time of year.

So, as I prepare for Yule, I intend to steel my heart against this onslaught. And in such, be annealed and strengthened against future efforts to strip my value by the words of others.

Housekeeping and such.

Well, for those of you who may be looking for my other blogs relating to the Sapience Ring, they are no longer available.

As the Sapience Ring group is now inactive, these blogs are no longer required. The materials taht were published on them are available via email at request. I will be updating the forpat of this blog and posting some new information.

Past entries will remain as they currently are, but future posts will resemble the format that I use for entries in my own journals. If this format is difficult to follow, please let me know. I'm trying to make this as easy to read and update as possible.

Sorry if I have caused any inconvenience and thank you for reading!

Motherhood and the Goddess

It occurs to me as I sit here with my infant son sleeping on my lap that the Goddess as Mother is a popular image that never really gets viewed with depth. Oh, people have waxed poetic about it. I have done so. But no real thought of Mother is there, just (for the most part) the romantic image of Mother. Now that I am a mother, it occurs to me that that romantic image really is a horrible disservice to mothers if not a disgusting lie. It's like the Angel of the Home stereotype of the Victorian Era. It may look sweet and comforting, but it really is a gloss over a confining concept that is built on assumptions that can cause a great deal of harm.

I can't really comment much on the process of birth. I can say this, what I felt of labor before the pain medications kick in, it is not a serene experience. Anyone who tells you this has not been in labor. I wasn't at the point of hard labor when the pain medicine kicked in and I was experiencing pain that was approaching the level of what I did with appendicitis. There's a lot of other little details like this that people just gloss over when they think of motherhood and the Goddess as mother. No one wants to consider the idea of a Goddess that's crazy because of hormonal instability as her body's adjusting from being pregnant to not being pregnant, in addition to the wackiness of the hormones for nursing.

No one wants to think of a Goddess who is cranky because she was up half the night with a baby who was crying. No one wants to even remotely consider a Goddess who is suffering postpartum depression. Nor do they want to think of a Goddess dealing with the grimy niceties of something such as dirty diapers, spitting up, or a sick baby. Or a Goddess who's half deaf and aggravated by the baby who's shrieking on her shoulder because of painful gas and is squirming around so much it's difficult to burp them. The list just is endless.

People want the chocolate box image of Mother. They want the woman holding a peaceful baby, looking deliriously happy and dressed beautifully. They want the Angel of the Home with a bit of June Cleaver thrown in. This romanticized image of Mother is not real. It makes it a lot harder to be a new mother when you've got that image held up of how things should be. Let's not even consider how it would compare at the larger level of the forces of elemental creation.

I have upheld that the Goddess as Mother is Chaos itself. Some say I'm crazy for doing this and that the people who revere Chaos are fools because it invites it into their lives. From what I have experienced thus far, however, nothing makes more sense. The daily tasks of raising a baby are going to be chaotic and the patterns that emerge are going to be like those of a fractal. I'm not going to claim that I know what I'm in for, but I think that I can say that I need to meditate on what Mother would do in situations that have me taxed to the end of my wits. After all, there is no more inventive solutions then the ones that arise out of necessity.

Thoughts on 'foundational' qualities.

In many occult traditions (Wicca and Witchcraft are but one of them.) there is a set of foundational qualities that are upheld as important. In the zeal of attempting to classify things by their elemental associations, we find the following qualities ascribed alternately to each element depending upon the mood of the persons whom we are speaking to.

These qualities are:

• To Know
• To Will
• To Dare
• To Keep Silent

While I don't usually ascribe to much of what has been upheld as 'ancient' tradition in most arenas of modern witchcraft, I do have to confess this is a point that I have a difficult time arguing against. My interpretation, however, may leave many of my contemporaries in a state of aghast shock.

To Know
This quality is immensely valuable. You need to have some kind of concept of what you are doing. This can hold true in the occult or in the mundane matters that we deal with. Knowing what you are doing and what you are working with also calls for one to value education and the processes by which a person acquires knowledge. The trait to know also requires that we value wisdom and experience.

To Dare
I don't know where to begin stating something on the matter of courage. And that, my friends, is what the trait to dare is all about. Courage is a special quality that we should all work to cultivate in ourselves. I'm not saying that we should act foolishly and do reckless things because we're going to prove how brave we are. It is a trait that allows us to stand up and do what is right when the prevailing social forces are against it. It is also the reason why people can act as heros in the face of harrowing instances. Courage can be found in all areas of life.

To Will
One may have difficulty with this particular concept. Goodness knows I did for a long time, and then it became clear just what exactly is being discussed here. It is our ability to choose to act that is highlighted here. It is as simple as the definition of the term. We choose how we respond to situations, even if it is not a fully processed and weighed decision to act. We decide to be alive everyday. With sufficent concentration, one could make their heart stop beating. One could take a deliberate action to end their life at any time, some of these actions seemingly accidental. We decide not to take the actions that end our lives, thus we choose to live. We will ourselves to live. This is but one of many choices we make during the day.

To Keep Silent
Some choose to say that this little trait is a vestige left over from the Burning Times. If you have learned anything of me thus far in my bits of writing, you will have learned my opinion upon the Burning Times. I may actually write something more cohesive on that at some point. This trait, however, is not discussing some need for secrecy or to take a vow of silence. It is extolling the virtue of discretion. We do not generally bandy about our bank account numbers for any one to read. We keep information that must be secure close to ourselves and quiet. The same is true for our occult knowledge because it is a deeply personal knowledge. We may choose to share with others what we know, but it is a calculated sharing that is always limited in some fashion to keep us safe. This is what is being extolled in the quality of silence referred to here.

Now, one may wonder why I am musing on this little matter. It occurred to me this afternoon following a conversation with a Seeker into the Craft that these four 'virtues' of the occult are highly valuable but not for the reasons that so many uphold. And the interplay between them is perhaps more important.

With knowledge, we can act on a situation and make an informed and rational decision. The action taken will require, as all actions do, a measure of courage to risk the unknown. Discretion colors our decision making process and our actions as to keep us and our interests safe. This is true in all areas of one's life. Hopefully, my fellow witches and occultists will recognize this as well.

Thought on the Wiccan Rede

I'd be posting some of my past meditations and musings upon the Rede but I wanted to first say something about my present thoughts on it.
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The Wiccan Rede states:

Do as thou wilt an' it harm none.

It's a fairly simple statement that doesn't get much consideration by most of the Wiccans and Witches I encounter. Many of them view it as a replacement or a parallel to the 'Golden Rule' that they grew up with in their mainstream background. Many of these same Wiccans and Witches view my stance upon the Rede as inappropriate. It's as though they feel that the same rule set from Christianity that they were raised with should be applied outside of that belief system.

I was raised in an agnostic/atheistic household. My mother was a 'closeted' Witch for many years, choosing to inform me of her beliefs when I began to seriously study Wicca. My father's spiritual beliefs are generally agnostic, taking a very humanist and Stoic approach to life. The extent of my interaction and induction into the Christian worldview that seems to dominate the cultural and spiritual landscape of the USA was via a few trips to a Presbyterian Church with my grandparents, the book of bible stories read to me as a small child, and the different elements that are visible in the mainstream public.

Let me tell you, the version of Christianity that I learned through the mainstream public was rather horrifying and I can comprehend why some people view Christians as terrible people. That, however, is a different topic.

The Wiccan Rede is a nice phrase but it doesn't really serve well as an actual guide for action. It took me many years to modify it until the Rede fit the way I was raised. My view point is somewhat alien to the Witches and Wiccans who came to the Craft from a Christian background and I think it frightens them. The things that are known as "black magic" are not viewed as taboo by myself because "black magic" doesn't exist. The practices that are shunned as inhumane by many, such as blood magic and ritual sacrifice, are not taboo either. It's taken me many years of study and many years of thought to really reach this point.

The modified version of the Rede that I'm sure you have seen posted by me somewhere in this blog is the fruit of this effort. You are free to act in any way you choose. Your freedom to act in any capacity is limited by responsiblity. If your action limits the freedoms of another or otherwise cause them harm or damage, will result in a chain of effects that will eventually come back to you. If your action was taken with the correct motivations and intentions, you may beable to come away from the action with out too much damage or harm to yourself.

All of humanity exists for the same reason as any other species exists upon this planet. It is for the continuation of the genetic line and the species. Unlike many other species, we happen to be self-aware and capeable of abstract thought. As we have these interesting abilities, we can observe the effects of our actions and the actions of others, analyze them, and determine if they are beneficial to our ultimate goal. This may sound an emotionless and unspiritual stance for a woman who is a priestess of her faith to take, but it is a fact that can not be argued.

As (potentially) the most advanced species on this planet, we can understand that our destroying one portion of the food chain will eventually kill us off. We can understand that poisioning the water supply or the air will kill us off. We recognize that playing tag with multi-ton death machines (like semi-trucks or locomotives) is not a good idea.

The goal of religion is to foster the recognition of these kinds of things. The goal of religion is to encourage people to grow and develop mentally (and perhaps spiritually) so that they can take full responsiblity for their actions. It is only by accepting responsiblity that we can truly appreciate the benefits that our freedoms have.

This, accompanied by the stubborn insistance upon truth and honesty that I have, is quickly marking me as a heritic in the rising tide of mainstream Witchcraft. Many people ask me why I no longer identify myself as Wiccan. The reason why I no longer identify myself as Wiccan is because the mainstream Wiccan movement is no longer focused on what the goals of religion are. I name myself as a Witch because I am a heritic, a practitioner of the 'dark arts', a wise-woman, and an individual that operates at the fringes of society.

The Wiccan Rede and so many other elements of Wicca have been distorted from the orginal teachings. It doesn't help that many of the teachings themselves are distortions of other teachings and fabrication by the early occultists of the last century. I have been finding myself encountering vast degrees of rejection for my demand that this fact, the true history of this faith, be recognized by the leadership of the community.

So, the next time you look at the Wiccan Rede when it is bandied about by some neophyte Witch, don't assume that all Witches believe it. Some of us actually have a deeper theology then the Momma Goddess and the Daddy God want us to all play nice.