1/23/15

Rough day for writing.

Waxing Hunger Moon (Age: 4 days)
Sign: Void of Course
Weather: Partly cloudy, seasonable temps
snowpack depth unchanged.
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I spent my day working on my newest manuscripts. Yes, I have wound up working on two books at the same time. I have a deadline for the first but not for the second. I have been feeling pretty low about my writing and if I'm qualified enough to write these books. To say that Loki has been opinionated about this is to make an understatement like saying the Sun is a little bit warm.

Loki is spitting mad about the people who 'hamstrung' my confidence in my writing and mystic stuff. When he hasn't been muttering in norse (which sounds shockingly disturbing when said rapidly in a half snarl by a deity that is furious), he has been poking me to keep writing when I have been wanting to give up on this project. It's a comforting but awkward thing for me to have him so angry on my behalf. He's a bit calmer now but earlier today he was very upset. I turned my music up kinda loud to drowned out the sound of his swearing.

My mood has been all down and angry for a while now. I know I'm in a depressive episode. It has been a rough ride and I'm angry with the fact that I'm even dealing with this right now. The more depressed I feel, the angrier I get. Unfortunately, that anger isn't solving anything. It's just making me short tempered and giving me heartburn. Freyr's right, I really do need to calm down over this. But the anger just keeps coming back. I found it kinda amusing that the moon is void of course on a day that I'm having a difficult time with my mood and stuff. I'm half tempted to see if my mood cycling matches up with lunar stuff. But that's just the geek in me coming out.

The Filianic daybook is slowly coming along. I'm almost finished with the second month's worth of meditations. At the same time, I am writing down my visions, meditations, and spiritually moved recitations. I feel like an enormous fraud to be referencing my own work here. Still, it is what I have to work with.

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