10/29/15

Slogging through the last few weeks.

Waning Gibbous Blood Moon (Age: 17 Days)
Sign: Gemini
Weather: Windy, cool
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It has been difficult over the last few weeks. I've been struggling with feeling disconnected from everything. I found myself on the verge of despair. Then Loki and I had a conversation. It pretty much was like this:

Me: I feel like giving up right now.

Loki: No you don't.

Me: No, I'm pretty sure that's what I'm feeling right now.

Loki: No, you're exhausted. You're NOT giving up.

And then he gave me that harsh look that tends to have me stumbling over myself. Which then had me amending how I phrased things just so that I didn't test my luck too much. Because stern Loki is an experience and a half. This weird D/s thing between him and I just keeps going along and I find myself getting worried that it is all in my head.

Then something WTF happens and I discover that I really can't think up stuff as weird as what he does. Immediately after, I find myself thankful that he is favorably inclined towards me. Because I've seen a little bit of what happens to people who get on his bad side and it isn't pretty. At least in my case, he stops when I hit the very extreme edges of my limits. Granted, he is working on making those edges a bit farther out every time, but he respects my limitations. I don't think he does that for people he doesn't have any affection or a vested interest in. Just a gut feeling on that one.

The silence from Dea briefly stopped today. I was frustrated with the fact that I didn't have much work in my devotional journal. Then I felt her quiet presence. It wasn't anything dramatic. I just felt her here with me. But it lifted my spirits. It was reassuring to know that she was not done with me. I had missed her a great deal. I am hoping that there will be more interaction with her over the next few days.

As per the request of my ancestors, I poured out wine for the Hunt. I am not entirely sure why my ancestors wanted me to do that. But I did so. I also made a point to set aside a bit of dinner for my ancestors. I figured they'd want something more substantial than halloween candy. So, they got a bit of ham, sweet potatoes, and peas, as well as some wine. I'm hoping that on halloween proper, I will have some fresh baked bread to give them.

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