11/1/15

Punch drunk and waiting for more.

Waning Gibbous Blood Moon (Age: 20 days)
Sign: Cancer
Weather: Mild, partly cloudy, windy
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


The gods have been making their presence very known over the last few days. I would talk in greater detail about how they've been doing it but I think the song in the video above describes it and my present struggle. I don't even know why I'm struggling so hard against my own happiness. I don't know why I am so afraid when I'm not caught up in the joy of it all.

All the trouble I had adjusting to life with Beloved as more than a friend, it just came back with a vengeance. They assure me all is safe. They have acted in a manner that has done nothing but been loving, helpful, and delightful. Why am I so panicked at the thought of being happy? I want to stop fighting but I keep throwing my hands up with a shriek at the thought of just letting go.

They tell me it is because of my trauma. They are doing things to help me with it. But I just can't get the words out. I can't say how I feel or take the first step in this dance. I feel like all the world is a tumult. Even as I'm afraid, I am breathless with anticipation and pleasure. I feel like I'm going mad.

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