Contemplation

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 10 days)

Sign: Pisces

Weather: Fair, unseasonably warm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In my enthusiaism, I believe I accidentally offended the Filianic women that I have begun corresponding with. I seized upon the images here as wonderful modern icons. I was then explained that they would not be canonical and therefore inappropriate icons. I posted an apology for the uproar I created.

As I walked out to run my errands this morning, I prayed on this matter.

I struggle to see how this is a more fitting representation of the Lady. I am to understand that the birth of the Daughter is a spiritual birth. Apparently images of the Lady suckling her Child are not canon as well. I am trying so very hard to understand this.

I can accept that clothes prevent the sacred from being seen by those who would profane it.

I struggle with the idea that the natural state of humanity is incorrect. I have prayed on this and no illumination came. The Lady simply smiles indulgently. I think I am struggling with something that is a strictly human concern. I suspect this is why she says nothing and gives no indication as to if these images are correct or not.

I am trying so very hard to understand. I am at a place where I am not comfortable. So much is shaken up and in the middle of it all, there She stands.

Can't anyone help?

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 4 days)

Sign: Sagittarius

Weather: Mild, partly cloudy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm called to following the Goddess in the aspect presented from the Deanic/Fillianic perspective. As I do research and attempt to find others, I am instead finding dead ends. Abandoned blogs, closed websites, and groups that appear to be inactive. I am becoming quite frustrated. I don't understand why I am called to this, I don't understand how I am supposed to proceed.

I acted according to Goddess's prompting and I have been praying the Fillianic rosary. I look for other things that could possibly guide me more upon this path and I find nothing. I confess, I am very frustrated. I don't know what direction I am supposed to turn. I'm called to follow a monotheistic Goddess faith along side my strange from of heathenism. I struggle to make things work when I have been operating from a shamanic flavored eclectic Wiccan framework. 

A part of me is so frustrated that I want to cry. A part of me leapt at the prospect that perhaps I was joining a community of other believers. I find, however, that there is no one else answering my call. It makes me feel horribly alone to see where things had started and then floundered. I feel like I'm late to the party and those who are inside won't let me in.

The perverse irony of the feeling in the light of the Christian parable has not been lost on me. I don't know what to do. I'll say my prayers and just do my best to trust the Gods to know what they are doing.

Humility & other thoughts

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 3 days)

Sign: Sagittarius

Weather: Mild, light breezes, fair skies

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I've been focusing on the Mother Goddess over the last several days. She's inspired me to take some big steps after the ritual on Sunday. I sent a manuscript off to a publisher on Tuesday. Today, after a great deal of consideration and prayer, I wrote a letter to my Mom. And I'm sitting here working on my other writing projects with a consideration as to how to get them ready for publication.

All of this work, in the face of depressive and mixed episodes, it has been challenging. I've just been utterly worn out by the end of the day. That said, my home is clean (thanks to some assistance from my Aunt on Monday), my children are healthy, and my life is in some measure of order. I can't say this is something that came as a magical result of the ritual. But there is a distinct change to how I am approaching things.

The panic of everything is going to go wrong has lifted to a very large degree. I am also finding myself humbled by what I have accomplished. There is not the usual 'I don't understand? Doesn't everybody do this?' thought going on. I am looking around and realizing that I do a lot of hard work. And that I do it well. This kind of realization is fostering a sense of personal pride and just leaving me in a mild state of amazement. 

Today is not a mixed episode, depressive, or manic day. Today is just a 'normal' day. And I am seeing enormous impact here from that ritual. It gives me hope that I will continue to improve as this goes on. I am going to make a point of accepting the Mother Goddess's love. I am going to make a point of communicating to her my gratitude. And I am going to try to reach out to others who follow her.

When the Asier, Vanir, and Jotnar are all encouraging me to do this, it has to be something important. Now I just need to get matters settled with Loki. Flamehair wants me to act as a major priestess. My initial answer was 'No, my boys can't handle the chaos.' The discussion is now transitioning into one of what is needed to make that happen. If Flamehair wants me to do this, he will work with me to make it possible and to make sure that it doesn't create problems for my family. I must admit, however, his occasional bribe suggestions have been funny.

A Prayer

Ave Matris.
Ave Filia.
Ave occulta Deae,

Praying the Filianic Rosary

Waning Wine Moon (Age: 25 days)

Sign: Leo

Weather: Fair skies, seasonable temps.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I just finished praying the Filianic Rosary. I did so as instructed on the Mother God website. I meditated upon the sacred mysteries as directed. I wasn't sure what to expect from this.

I am sitting here on the verge of tears. Let me start from the beginning, because I am rather starting in the middle of things.

As I was getting my materials together (my written copy of the prayers and one of my goddess rosaries), I thought about the concept of being in spiritual exile and sin. I thought very carefully about this point. It is one that has continually rankled me about religions that have a salvation focus. So, before I started to do these prayers, I examined this point.

It occurred to me that exile need not be banishment. Indeed, exile is not always self induced. The question arises, then, how could the term exile apply to me? I have resisted this term because of the heavy Christian connotations that we have 'chosen' our distance from the Divine or inherited the condition by virtue of our birth. It struck me like a thunderbolt that I could quite easily describe myself as in exile.

Am I exiled from some treasured homeland? Not exactly. And my exile wasn't self imposed. My exile comes from being forced away from the loving relationship that I so deeply desired with Mother. The barriers between myself and this relationship are my conditioned fears and behaviors. When I realized that, suddenly the anger at the concept of exile melted away. Beneath it, I found a deep sense of grief.

I then looked at the question of sin. I have not knowingly committed crimes against any Gods. Then a quiet voice whispered to me from within myself, that I have. In my failure to love and care for myself, I have committed a great sin, a great crime against the Goddess within me. The sense of grief deepened.

I then looked at this and the cycle of self neglect and self abuse. I realized that I did need a guide out of this state. I recognized that such a guide could be termed as a Savior. It was as though something suddenly became unlocked and I had the blinders that I had been wearing fall off. In the light of this understanding, I gathered together my things and decided to pray.

At first, the prayers were mechanical and awkward. As I moved deeper into them and eased into trance, I found myself tearing up at the parts where I plead for the Goddess's comfort and aid. I still feel that half painful sorrow. I tried to keep my focus on the mysteries. This, however, was subtly pushed aside as a vision came over me.

For the first time in years, I found myself back in that place of cobalt blue light. Within the light, there was a figure. It looked like all of the icons of the Virgin Mary. She stood before me, her arms out stretched. Roses were beneath her feet of all colors. Their scent hung heavy in the air, so much so that even after I finished praying, I could still smell them. I stood before her, struggling with the urge to burst into tears. I took a few steps forward and she took me into her arms.

I then came out of the trance. I still revere and follow the Aseir, Vanir, and Jotnar. I don't know how Dea is going to figure into this. The thing that I had been searching for in my quest to build a relationship with Goddess has been revealed. I had gotten a glimpse of it in the past and it was so very, very powerful. It was something that nearly drove me to my knees. I have found it again.

Ave Dea.

Mother?

Waning Wine Moon (Age: 24 Days)

Current Sign: Leo

Weather: Cloudy, rainy, cool

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have been getting called to become involved with the Filianic faith. This is something that the goddesses of the Asa, Van, and Jotnar are all very strongly pushing. It is a strange feeling. They're not telling me that I'm not to follow them, only that I should follow this goddess as well. As such, I have been trying to keep this in mind as I go through my day.

I have started looking for prayers that I can use in the course of my day. I found this one on my first attempt of searching and I found it incredibly appropriate. It is a confusing place to be right now. This depressive episode isn't helping things any. I am, however, going to do my best to put the gods first and resume my work as a priestess.

Part of that work means being the best person I can be. It means doing what I can to be the best housewife I can be. It means doing what I can to be the best mother and spouse I can be. All of these things are blessed under the auspices of the goddesses I follow. I am not sure how this will come into the relationship with Dea.

I don't know if I am supposed to strive as a priestess or as a lay person. I feel rather confused as to how I should proceed. It's much like if the gods were telling me to pursue Christianity. I suppose, I should pray and wait patiently for clarification to be shown to me.

Until my next post, may the gods bless and keep you all.

The Gods are not Subtle.

Waning Gibbous Wine Moon (Age: 17 days)

Sign: Taurus

Weather: Seasonably warm and mild

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Gods are not subtle all the time. When the decide they are going to make sure you know something, it seems to be engraved upon a brick and thrown at you sometimes. I had a cosmic 'clue by four' swung at my head today. An advertisement for me to subscribe to a professional Art magazine was sitting in my mailbox this morning. This is on the heels of having a small selection of work featured in an art show last month and being asked back by the director of the show for next year's exhibition.

And then there is the mountain of comments from people talking about how I should be getting my writing published. When it rains, it pours. For a little while, I was feeling like I was pretty worthless as an artist and an author. Then affirmation started rolling in like a great wave. I have decided that I am just going to focus on my work and let the rest of it all settle out on its own.

I feel as nervous as a cat in a rocking chair factory right now, but the Gods have put me on this path. And they are part of a rather large group who are pushing me forward. If I don't go willingly, I suspect I am about to be dragged. Being dragged forward into the future is not half as much fun as it sounds, even if that future is something pleasant.

I gave an oath to the Gods that in return with their help with a health matter that I was struggling with yesterday that I would take my writing (including this blog) more seriously. I am in the midst of working out a posting schedule, this way months don't go by with out even a peep in here. Look for more material in the near future.

A Vision of Mischief.

About three years ago, I had a dream where I was in Odin's hall, though I didn't realize it. And I watched Loki nudge a servant into another person and a platter of food hit the floor. As Fulla (who was nearest) came to deal with the mess, Loki snuck into her room and stole a pair of silken shoes.

So, he changes the shoes into a gold colored ribbon and ties it to his belt. Fulla catches Loki as he's walking away from her chambers and demands to know what he's doing there. Loki smiles and says feigning innocence that he wanted to give her this ribbon he found. Holding up the ribbon he changed her shoes into

Fulla give him a 'yeah right' look and goes into her chamber. She notices immediately that her favorite pair of shoes are gone.

 

She comes out and starts demanding that Loki give them back. Loki again feigns innocence and Frigga's attention is caught by Fulla getting angrier by the passing second. Fulla pokes Loki in the chest and says "I know you took them, now where are they. What did you do with them?"

 

Loki grins like the smart ass he is, waves the ribbon and says "In a very safe place." Fulla looks around the hall. notes that some of the weaving supplies look like they've been messed with. So she begins tearing her way through the pile of equipment as Loki sneaks off to her chambers and returns the shoes.

 

As Fulla is going through everything and basically muttering every single insult she can think of with regards to Loki, Odin was in on the joke and able to see through the magic. So Odin is there, beginning to guffaw as his wife is getting exasperated with Fulla rearranging all of the weaving equipment.

 

Loki walks up behind Fulla and taps her on the shoulder. he then mildly suggests that she try looking in her chambers again. Fulla glares at him. Frigga tells her to go look and immediately put Loki to work fixing the mess made by Fulla. When Fulla finds the shoes, she lets out this furious shriek and Loki says 'Gotta go.' and bolts out of there as Odin damn near pisses himself laughing and Frigga looks like she's ready to throttle the two of them.

 

I woke to the sound of Odin laughing and watching the door into Odin's hall swinging shut as Loki pelted it out of there.

1/2 Year veiled.

Waxing Blue Moon (Age: 5 days)

Sign: Scorpio

Weather: Fair, Cool

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So, I have been wearing a veil for half a year now. Looking back on it, I think it has contributed to my feeling more in control of my life. I know that it has done wonders for my sense of safety. I don't know what my therapist would say about how it impact my psychological well being, but I am not doing this for the sake of my psychological health, that's just a pleasant side effect. I am becoming more comfortable with my appearance and viewing myself as a beautiful woman. This is a very big step.

Images like the one above and those of the Blessed Virgin Mary have proven inspiring. As I look for more images from around the world and in history, I find myself becoming increasingly more comfortable with veiling. It is now a case where I don't feel fully dressed with out something on my head. When I'm in the house and around my family, I am going bare headed but it is not as frequent as it used to be.

The general reaction of my scarves has been neutral to pleasant. I was concerned at the beginning that I was going to encounter a lot of hostility. Instead I found people actually tending to treat me with greater deference. Men pause to open the door for me and people are more patient with me. I think it is because most of the women around here who cover are members of the more conservative Christian groups. I say nothing to disabuse anyone of the notion but it has made for a pleasant surprise.

In my spiritual life, I am finding that my scarves act as a reminder for me that I am sacred. It encourages me to treat myself with greater respect. I am leaning towards making or buying a special veil for only when I do oracular work. I am torn as to which would be a greater benefit. Amusingly, one of my new favorite scarves was picked out for me by Loki, one of my patrons. Sigyn, one of my matrons, has said that it is appropriate that I wear a veil to tell the world that I am a married woman and a priestess. She hasn't explained to me how that exactly works, but she is also strongly advocating that I have a special veil set aside for when I pray or do magic, as well as a special shawl for this.

Ponderings & Poppets.

Waning Wheat Moon (Age: 20 days)

Sign: Aries

Weather: Fair, seasonable temperatures, 

mild drought conditions

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Loki and Odin have decided to put me to work on eradicating unhealthy elements of my past by way of a funeral. I've made the poppet in question. I have done what I could to impress the painful and terrifying aspects of the past into it. I feel, however, that I have not done a reasonably good job of it. I am reluctant to do much along the lines of something with this poppet because I am so incredibly hesitant to accidentally fling harmful energy back down the line towards other people.

I don't want to hurt them, no matter how much they have hurt me in the past. I feel that it is not my place to mete out punishment. Loki, Odin, and the other Aesir have been decidedly silent on it. Hel simply looks at me, waiting for me to act. It is unnerving. She knows, however, that I will need her help on this, so she waits for me to turn to her.

Meditation: Places of Spirit - The Garden

Below is a guided meditation. It is somewhat rough. This is because it serves as an outline which you may improve upon. To find your way 'out' of the meditation, simply have the subject walk on the path that leads directly to the door. Then have them unlock the door, exit, relock the door, and use a standard trance ending procedure.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Before you is a door, an entry into a hidden, secret place within yourself. This place is known only to you and is sacred, for it is part of you. In your dominant hand, there is a key. You unlock this door, pass through, and then turn, locking it again. You are safe from all harm here, all psychic energy thrown at you waits beyond the locked door as you remain safe within yourself.

When you turn from  the door, you find yourself before a vast garden. It stretches as far as the eye can see. It is filled with all manor of green, growing things. Flowers of every color, trees, bushes, and things that are fantastic, wondrous plants of your dreams flourish here. This garden is the garden of your spirit.

As you walk through it, you find that there are plants and how they are arranged correspond to your dreams, desires, and goals. You find there are other plants and features that correspond with other aspects of yourself. As you become acquainted with your spirit garden, you realize that it is a landscape that reflects your soul in all of its multiple facets.

Places that are healthy and pleasing to the eye are the healthy parts of yourself that you are comfortable with. Places that are healthy but not aesthetically pleasing are healthy aspects of yourself that you are not comfortable with. Places that are unhealthy are the parts of you which are unhealthy spiritually. Negative habits appear here as invasive plants, weeds, and plant diseases. This includes the unhealthy thought patterns that are the basis of these habits.

You will also find that there are places within your garden that lead to parts of your mind. One path leads you to where you put the parts of your spirit that you hide from the world at large. Another leads you to where your dreams take place. There are many, many different paths in this garden and the plants aligned along them correspond with each aspect it deals with.

At the center of the garden is a structure. It is the most sacred part of this garden. Within, you have a sacred space where you commune with the Divine. It is as elaborate (or simple) as your ideal place of worship would be. It holds all the tools you would need and is always accessible to you.

Blessed Lughnasadh!

A message.

She asked for a person who could do channeling. Then there was nothing but silence. I question if it was a genuine request or not. Then Loki made it clear to me that there was a message. One that he'd been trying to express and she simply was not understanding it. So, in my efforts to be of assistance, I have offered him the format of my blog here to carry that message. Out of respect for the parties involved, I am not going to mention names. If you read this and you know it is meant for you, then the job has been done. Otherwise, it just is a few random electrons on the internet. And Loki is nothing if not random.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You want me to give you signs. You need to open your eyes. You have received signs. Many of them. You act like a petulant child when they are not the ones you wished for. You claim that I am not showing you my love and then you blatantly reject what my people tell you. MY PEOPLE. Not Odin's, not Frigga's, not any one else's people. Not the random volva who you encountered. People who I have taken by the hand and I have claimed as MINE.

In your self absorbed claim of superiority, you want to reject them. They are as kinsmen to you. And you are too blind and too proud to see it. I am disappointed. I am not a man to be trifled with. I'm not a puppy to be lead about on a leash. I am not some love sotted fool to be lead about by the nose. I am LOKI. I am the World-breaker. I am A GOD!

Your half hearted selfish desperation disgusts and disappoints me. I expected more from you. I thought you were going to stand up for yourself. I thought you were going to walk confidantly at my side. Instead you scorn Sigyn, spit on Freyja, and cower away wailing that you are ignored. THIS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

Stand up. Treat yourself and the people around you with some measure of respect. This petulant whining child behavior is going to end. No woman of mine acts in this fashion. It is one thing if you are a child, but you are long past that point of your life. Now act like it.

Lughnasadh or First Harvest

Here's a lovely song from Omina to listen to as you think upon this high holiday. I celebrate the first of the harvest festivals with a new altar arrangement.

To the left, I have my god representative statue (Buddha) and a small jar of ears of wheat to represent the Greenman. I have an electric candle lit for Loki and a small glass heart that he gave me. Underneath the god statue is the washcloth that I knit for Loki. A candle jar filled partially with salt for holding inscence (which I was burning earlier) sits waiting for that offering.

In the center are the ears of wheat I cut from my garden just a short time ago. The antique silver bud vase was a thrift store find. The square mirrored candle plate, like the vase, are there for aesthetic value and to evoke the four elements. The round doilie was made by my great-great-great grandmother. It is placed to honor my ancestors and those who have come before me.  The pentacle at the forefront of the altar is from a late friend's altar. It is there to honor the Divine that is beyond and encompasses all forms.

At the right, I have my goddess representative statue (Kwan Yin) and a statuette of Mary (this incidentally is also how Sigyn has manifested for me). About the goddess statue, I have my small wrist distaff. I would have an athame on the left side of the altar but what I had been using as a kid friendly athame fell to pieces in my hands last week.   I have a soapstone oil burner that serves as my 'hearth' for my Brigid devotions. There is a small electric candle in there. A silver bowl for offerings sits waiting.

When the full moon comes this week, I will give a small offering of flour (or cornmeal, I haven't decided which yet) and wine. I will also put out a small offering for the Dead. It will soon be time to honor them as well. Between now and then, however, I am going to take the time to appreciate what I reap from my efforts over the growing season.

My harvest includes a bumper crop of oregano and basil. (I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with all of this.) I have my four ears of wheat (with the fifth left out for Freyja). I almost have tomatoes. The first of those will go on the altar. I am almost ready to harvest a few other vegetables too. To say the least, the first fruits of my harvest will be set upon the altar as a way to give back to the gods.

In my more spiritual harvest, I have a much closer relationship with my deities. I have grown stronger over this last year. I continually strive forward in my efforts to become healthy, learning more about how to appropriately treat myself. This may not sound like spiritual growth to some people, but it is for me.

Meditation: Trance Induction No. 1

Breathe deep. Feel the air filling your lungs slowly. Hold it in for a moment and then let it ease out. Exhale slowly, letting the tensions and worries go out of your body with your breath. Wait a moment, aware of your heart beating in your chest and the feeling of waiting in your lungs for air. Inhale slowly, savoring the cool air moving in through your nose, down your throat and into your chest. Feel your lungs filling like balloons, pleasantly stretching out to accommodate your breath.

Pause a moment, lungs full and a pleasant tension in your body. Exhale and feel all of the tension pass out of you, dissapating with your breath into the air. Now, as you inhale, the state of relaxation deepens. A feeling of serenity fills you eve as your lungs fill with air. When you exhale, all lingering anxiety and tension fades.

You are now in a state of deep peace and comfort, like when on the edge of sleep and yet aware. You breathe easily and comfortably. Inhale, exhale. Relaxation fills your body, starting at your toes. You curl them and feel the tension in your feet peak, then uncurl them and feel the relaxation replace it. Up the back of your calves, the tension peaks and then melts away. This wave moves upwards into your thighs and hips. Slowly, gently, it passes up through your abdomen and into your chest.

It spreads across your chest and down your arms. You can feel the tension melting out of you, like water running down and dripping off your fingertips into the earth. The relaxation moves through your neck and over your face. Your entire body is relaxed. You are at peace, rested and comfortable, yet alert.

Meditation: Places of Spirit - The Cave

There is a cavern with a hole at the ceiling of it, which allows light in. There is a lake with a river that feeds into it and an outlet. The light filters in and reflects off the water as it illuminates the mist. It is a blue-ish mist where the light doesn't touch, glowing on its own. Where the light does touch, the mist is a brilliant white/gold. There always is the form of a woman in the midst, though her apparent age always changes.

The entrance to that cave is a long, vaulted passage that snakes about. As a result, the light of the entrance doesn't reach the cave. It is pleasantly warm in the cave and the mist is refreshingly cool. The water of the lake and streams, however, is shocking cold. At the rear of the cave, there is a narrow tunnel which the water pours through as a roaring river. It is very dark there. Near the edge of this tunnel, there is a shallow, sandy bear with a shallow bottomed boat. There are no oars or other method of directing it, however.

To reach the small beach, one must swim across the water. On that small beach, it can be seen a small silver circle on the stone of the wall. Along the edge of the tunnel, there is an incredibly narrow path that is barely wide enough for one person to walk and the roof of the tunnel over the path is just high enough to allow one to stand upright.

A breeze blows up the tunnel and smells of the sea.

Hard theology and such...

If you are curious about where my tradition stands on various matters, I highly suggest you peek at my companion blog The Veiled Witch. It is a more formalized exploration of my tradition. I will be discussing a wide range of things from theology (which was my original intent to discuss here but then the blog grew) to ritual formats to the art and science of spell craft*.

* This will not be a publicly accessible spell book. I will be discussing things such as how to craft a spell and why they work. Look in this blog for occasional spells and tips on how to improve your magical efforts.

Covered in Light (drama)

In the span of twenty four hours, the group has exploded with drama. I recognize with rapid growth, the potential for drama multiplies exponentially. Put three people into a room and you have a small potential for drama. Put thirty people into the same room and you have a huge potential for drama. The sad thing about this is the fact that all of this drama threatens the very existence of a group that I think is much needed in the pagan community.

Some of the detractors of the growth explosion claims that it is currently a fad to be a pagan who covers. Some of the detractors have claimed that we are excluding people of ethnic background that are not 'white'. Some of the detractors have accused us of engaging in cultural appropriation and ideological theft.

Seriously, people?

Covered in Light began as a small group of like minded people supporting each other. There was no decision made to exclude people of ANY race or ethic background. We were all expressing support to people of any religious path. In the beginning, CiL included people of Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, and pagan backgrounds. We explored the question of cultural appropriation. As a group, we determined that being pagan and covering wasn't any sort of ideological theft. As one of the women so wisely pointed out, there are only so many ways you can manipulate a piece of fabric. The only restriction made in group membership, that I have EVER been aware of is that the group is for women - including transwomen.

I, for one, don't want to see Covered in Light go the way of Mysticwicks. Mysticwicks turned into a cesspool. People were actively attacking each other and  there was a lot of hankypanky going on with the administration of the forums. Covered in Light is on the verge of self destruct because of rapid growth and the associated difficulties. I think this would be a very bad thing because I think that the pagan community needs CiL.

Yes, you read that correctly. I think that the world wide pagan community needs Covered in Light, or something similar. I believe that the explosion of the groups numbers (we're currently at 200 as of last count) is not because of a fad or some people decided it would be fun. I think it is because there is genuinely a need for the pagans who cover their heads as part of their worship practices to have support. 200 people is but a drop in the ocean that is paganism. I believe that there are many women (and men) who would (or do currently) value the supportive network of others who cover.

Yes, there will be some silliness. There will even be a touch of drama. Large groups of people and a form of communication that is challenging (the interwebz) will always breed nonsense and drama. I sincerely hope that I can slap up another post on here in a few days happily announcing that CiL is continuing on, possibly under a different name.

Pagan Blog Project: O - Odin

Odin, also known affectionately as 'Old One Eye' and 'Old Crow' by my patron deity, is a very wise deity. He is also very, very much like his blood-brother. Some people who are coming to this blog may be expecting me to expound upon this with a great deal of UPG thrown in. Others may expect me to be drawing off of the lore and the verified PG that is flying around the internet. I'm not going to do either, actually.

Instead, I am going to humbly submit a poem for this week's PBP post. I don't write poetry as often as I did in the past. I am attempting to fix that. I hope that Odin finds this offering acceptable. I hope that my readers enjoy it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Old One Eye, He calls you
That looming presence
The One who watches me as I cast spells
The One who waits in the raven upon the tree
Watching, watching as I water my plants

You hung upon the World-Tree
You gained the wisdom of the Worlds
How clumsy my stumbling must look to You
Handling the Runes with a child's hands
Struggling to read, to see what is there

Patiently, You watch me
Brooding like a storm on the horizon
You wait and watch
Soon, Your voice will roll like thunder
I pray that I will have learned enough
To hear You by then

Pagan Blog Project: N - Narfi & Vali

**UNVERIFIED PERSONAL GNOSIS WARNING**

Loki's sons by Sigyn are Narfi and Vali. In the old stories, as part of Loki's punishment (either for insulting the Aesir at Ageir's feast or for his role in Baldur's death, the lore is unclear on this) Vali is turned into a wolf that tears out the throat of Narfi. Loki is then bound with the entrails of his slain son in a cave with a snake placed over his head to drip venom into his eyes until Ragnarok. He is attended by his wife Sigyn.

Context setting with respect to the lore, let's launch off onto a tangent. Many people envision Narfi and Vali as young men. Some even depicting them as children. What is forgotten is that Vali was a grown man with a wife and a child of his own. And that his child was grown when this took place. It stands to reason that Narfi was also grown. I propose that what people are being shown is not how the attack happened but how it was viewed by Loki.

As a parent myself, I know that I will always look at my children and in some respect continue to see them as small, fragile little babes. I know that I will still have that maternal feeling of protectiveness long after they have grown and have families of their own. I believe that Loki looked at his sons and saw them again as children. It is also my belief that Vali's transformation into a wolf was akin to a death as well. Imagine, if you would, the intelligence of a man trapped in something that could not communicate or act as a man.

Loki's told me that their deaths was weirgeld for his role in Baldur's death. He speaks of the events (the death of Baldur, the death of Hod, and his own punishment by the Aesir) with great sorrow. At times, he expresses anger. At times he is quiet and simply mournful, almost withdrawn even. It is a tragedy that Loki has expressed deep, deep sorrow that it was necessary for the fate of the nine worlds.

It is my hope that Narfi and Vali can come to be known in their own rights. The beauty of the world is that the past, present, and future are all interwoven. It is something that has, is, and will happen all at the same time.

Hail Narfi and Vali, Loki's youngest sons.