Ostara 2013 & Easter

Blessed Ostara everyone.

To my sisters in the Filianic faith, I wish you all a most blessed Easter. I sit here on the day of the Equinox and I look at my life. I think about the promise of the season and the good that I have. The wheel of life turns and we march forward towards that warmth and abundance, even despite the snow flying through the air in my neck of the woods today. Soon, it will be the time of the Christian celebration of Easter and the other spring season celebrations (Jewish Passover, Holi, etc.) of the world.

While I sit here yearning for green things, I pause a moment to consider the rites of this season. The Blessed Daughter, Inanna/Anna goes down into the land of the dead. I penned the following prayer/poem upon this very matter.

Lo, lament my sisters

For Dea's sorrow is upon us

The silver moon wanes

The seas hath swallowed the rivers

And all life has gone still

Darkness descends

And the stars have gone dark

Cover your faces and weep

For the light has gone out of the world

No fire may be kindled

No arms embrace in love

All is drowned in darkness and sorrow

Let us mourn

For She has gone from us

Into the lands of Death

Were no joy may follow

Weep, my sisters,

Inanna hath gone down into Hel

To the cold queen's hall

Where none may escape

Oddly enough, I feel that the death of Inanna is not contrary to the mythos of the Norse/Teutonic deities. It is simply another story that touches upon the tangled skein of the fates of the Nine Worlds. I am also of the mind that there are more then Nine Worlds, but it's a topic for a different day. Where the Filianic description of Hel is different then the Norse/Teutonic, it is merely a different version of the old stories where one dies and then is reborn.

Ing has died and now he is to rise up reborn with the grain. New shoots of life will rise up from the fertile soil. We turn from the death that has laid low the Blessed Ones to the new life that comes of that death. I truly believe that with that new life, there is the promise of reincarnation. Fertile fields will be ploughed and seed will be cast into them. Birds will produce eggs and animals will bear young. Life will rise triumphant over adversity.

In this, I find hope.  And so, I share this prayer/poem with you as well.

Lift up your voices in song!

Give praise for the day!

Our Lady liveth

And hath set all to right in the world!

The stream runneth to the sea

And the stars chart their courses in the sky.

Angels sing glories

As the birds wing on high!

All of nature proclaims her

Queen of All Eternity.

Our Lady's Mother on high!

Let us give praise.

Let us raise our voices in joyous cry!

All praise to Our Lady

And her thrice blessed Mother!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

These prayers are part of a manuscript soon to be published. I will make note of the details of this publication in the immediate future. Until then, blessed be! <3 br="">

Honoring my Ancestors.

Waxing Sap Moon (Age: 5 Days)

Sign: Gemini

Weather: Cold, partly cloudy

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I seek to honor my ancestors. They are important to me because they are my heritage and because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be walking the green Earth today. I started out thinking that if I remembered them at special occasions that it would be appropriate. Simple little things, like lighting a candle and saying a prayer for their well being, seemed to be a good thing to do.

Then, things began to change in my life. I found myself drawn to things like spinning and knitting. I realized that it wasn't just my curiosity or something similar prompting me to do these things. It was a keen desire to understand what my forefathers and foremothers did. One thing lead to another and now I find myself working to master handcrafts that were the cornerstone of their households.

I am drawn to 'heritage' cooking techniques (food preservation techniques, bread making skills, and old recipes from before WWI, for example). I am increasingly looking to simplify and be come more efficient as a housewife. I am actively moving towards incorporating homeschooling in my children's education. I have started attempting to keep a garden (as best I can manage in pots right now) and I am actively learning more about the plants in my area.

I'm not just doing this because I want to learn more (though that is part of my draw here). I am doing this in the attempt to preserve the knowledge that built my family. I want to make sure that I pass down to the next generations how to do things like make their own bread and what is the best way to mend old socks. Because I feel it is important that they have a sense of their roots.

It's not just a genealogy chart to look at or a coat of arms to hang on the wall. It's a living thing that is precious and must be cherished, lest this wonderful thing be lost. Family is more then the people who you are related to. It is the old stories passed down, the lullaby that has been sung to seven generations of children, the apple pie recipe that won the ribbon at the county fair in 1943. It is also what we do today to make our families stronger. 

Someday, I will be one of the foremothers of the family. I want to make sure that what I pass down is worthy of that special honor. Thus, I cultivate my strengths, preserve the wisdom of the family, and attempt to forge new traditions that will continue to keep my kinsmen in health and wellness.

Witchlings and kidlets.

Full Candles Moon (Age: 15 days)

Sign: Virgo

Weather: Unseasonably warm, cloudy, 

coming winter storm

~*~*~*~*~*~

It is a challenging thing to engage my two boys in spiritual education. A part of me says that they're too young to be learning about such things. Another part of me says that they would benefit from the lessons in self awareness and ecology that comes with a pagan upbringing. When these two parts get into conflict, the result is one very frustrated Momma witch. 

I look at what other pagan parents are doing and I confess a touch of envy. Their children are doing little projects and crafty things. Getting my boys to sit down long enough to read a story is a task and a half. They just barely held their interest long enough to participate in the 'wishing candle' that we did last month. It is a struggle to tailor everything to their unique learning needs.

I'm desperately thankful for the fact that they've got professionals assisting them at school and for the progress they are making. I am striving to do the 'child lead' learning thing on this front but it is difficult. I'm attempting to resolve this with working on some child friendly books but I don't know how well they're going to go over with the boys. Not being sure how your audience will receive something is a rather awful feeling for any kind of artist.

I found some good ideas on About.com and I like the concept of getting the kids involved with rituals. They're very concrete in their thinking right now. Gods are a rather abstract concept. I'm striving to teach them to be gentle with plants and respectful of animals. I'd like to do a ritual but I don't know where to start. Looking at all of these wonderful ideas that other pagan parents have posted and I get frustrated.

Most of the ideas are great for children who are a bit more complex in their thinking then my boys. I want to get the involved but I don't know how. Add to this I am not sure how to approach the current 'Filianic Lent' season. I'm trying to pare down that which is not essential to my life and purify myself of unhealthy thought forms. I'm doing my best to wrap up the 'old business' from the last season. 

My book of prayers for Dea is closer to being ready for publication. My children's manuscript of myths is in the final organization state. I start writing in the immediate future. I have various handcraft projects that I'm finishing up and generally doing my best to get everything ready for spring. I'm not sure how much else I'm going to find myself doing between now and the Equinox. I do what I can with what I have.

PBP: Week 7: C - Contemplation

I just realized I mixed up the letters for the two weeks. I don't think that makes too big of a difference, however. After all, I am the only one keeping score on that front.

Contemplation is the other half of prayer. Prayer is vocalization of what we wish to express to the Divine. It is also the ability to 'listen' for their response. Deep consideration of what our intuition tells us, coincidental events in our lives, and the general chain of causality that follows on the heels of our prayer is what is known as contemplation. I strongly urge any and everyone to engage in it. Sometimes it helps us to find the answers to the questions we have and sometimes it helps us to find the hand of the Divine in our lives.

PBP: Week 6: D - Determination

Determination is the ability to dig your heels in and stick with what you have chosen to do. It is 'keeping your shield up' and pushing forward through adversity. Not enough people are willing to recognize the power in such a simple thing as determination. It is what makes the world keep going.

1 Year Covered!

Waxing Candles Moon (Age: 4 days)

Sign: Ares

Weather: Unseasonably warm, fair/partly cloudy skies

~*~*~*~*~*~

So, it occurred to me today, this month marks the end of a full year of wearing a head covering. Looking back over the year, I've come to a few conclusions.

1. Tichel styles are easy and look fantastic, with the right kind of scarf. Pashmina scarves do NOT work well for this type of look. And most of the square scarves I own are just shy of the right size to use for this. I need to correct this at some point in time.
2. Hijab-ish styles are easier then they look. They are exceptionally comfortable. Also, people in my area do not have as negative of a reaction to it as I had expected. There were some asshats (as there always are) but people have generally raised an eyebrow at most.
3. I need to wear something with a bit of height to it or I come out looking like a cancer patient. 
4. I have an almost unholy love of pashminas. Adapting tichel styles for use with them is NOT easy, but I am going to find away to do some of the tichel styles I love and flatter me!
5. Having my head covered has proven quite soothing in the face of anxiety and social phobia. I have also found that this is most effective with scarves tied relatively snug and layers. Hats, on the other hand, are not as much my style.
6. I do not feel right unless I have 90% of my hair covered when out in public.

I've reached the end of a year of head covering and I still feel pulled to do so. I wasn't sure if this was going to last a few months, let alone a year. Since engaging on this journey, I have found that covering my hair has served to help me focus and to give me something of a sense of protection when I go into unfamiliar places. This was not something that I had expected either.

I have also found that in taking this step, I have given myself permission to explore other aspects of my spirituality. I am also finding that I have a great deal more confidence in myself and what my intuition tells me. It has lead to deeper and more profound (and productive) spiritual contact with the deities I follow. On the whole, this has brought me health, happiness, and general well being. It has been a change for the better and I am going to stick with it.

An Invocation for Imbolc

This is also from the late 1990s.

Thrice blessed are you, Wise Brigid
Oh you, who granted the Bard his song
Oh you, who gifted the Druid his potent medicine
Oh you who has given the Smith his art
Keeper of the cauldron of knowledge
Guide my hand, oh Wise Brigid
Let my words be wise and true
Fill me with the blessed fire of inspiration
Aid me, Blessed Brigid, so I may learn the sacred mysteries of Truth

Channeled wisdom.

A collection of channeled material from 1997-1999.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A sound body and mind lends itself to a sound spirit. A sound body is healthy, clean, and strong. A sound mind is free from the doubts that encourage self harm, hungers for knowledge, and filled with creative fire. From these elements is a sound spirit forged.

Greet the day with joy and gratitude. Greet the night with tranquility and reflection. By this way do you begin to have peace. Live your life with a sense of wonder and a keen knowledge of the joys given to you. Even the smallest thing is a magical wonder to treasure.

Self-empowerment comes in many forms. Complete the smallest task in your day and take pride in the work, and that you performed to the best of your ability. You shall quickly find that by doing this the largest of tasks are the easiest and you can succeed despite any odds.

Every day, set a challenge and meet it. Each day, take time to remember your past. And each day, plan for tomorrow. Always grow and make time every day to learn something new. Constructive imbalance moves the wheel forward, destructive imbalance moves it back.

Magic is a way of thought, action, and worship. Everything within and about you is magic. Rejoice in the quickening of life in all points, even in death.

To heal, one must hold the will to survive and life. To hold the will, one must have a reason within themselves. That reason is courage; think as a warrior, live with courage.

Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is in the soul and it radiates outward, reflected in form and grace. It captivates the eye, mind, and heart of the beloved more certainly then any spell craft. From this captivation grows love. Love is its own magic, its own way. It has always been with you and yet it is always newly discovered. Such is the way of true magic, both simple and complex. Love is truth in its infinite reflections. Fear not its might, for it protects you from the harshest of blows.

Speak truth of your hear with out far. Truth shall shelter and protect you from harm. With simple words and honest ways, all things can be righted and the balance restored. At the end of it all, great things will have been achieved with out effort.

Follow your joy as you do your passion. Return to your place of power and find your joy. Cling to it as you would to a plank in the ocean. Let the truth's currents shape your path. They shall aid you in your joy and destiny. Fate's price has been paid.

Magic is the art of transformation.

Trance writings circa 1997

I don't even remember writing this. I found it in with some old sketches from high school. I think this is from 1997, but I'm not entirely sure. Either way, I'm slapping it up here. Tranced writing sometimes is interesting and sometimes it is bland.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am the Mother. My names are infinite, but always, I am the Mother eternal. All that is and ever shall exist are a part of Me. The universe is bound to Me as an infant who is growing within the womb. To some, I was impregnated by a consort. To others, I birthed myself through will and by this did I birth the universe. Both of these are true.

I am the Maiden, my heart trembling with emotion and I am a mystery to all who seek me. I am the child born of myself. I am the newborn psyche and the developed psyche before conceiving the child. To some, I am the laughing girl-child of Spring. To others, I am the chaste huntress of my mate. Either of these can be true, for I am both the child and mother.

I am the Crone. I am the bone-mother and iniatrix. I am the midwife of the mother, the teacher of the maiden, and the mother after birthing her child. I am the fairy maiden, youthful of form and ageless in spirit. All know me in names whispered, most powerful and enigmatic is that of death. All who fear me fail to see me as I am. For in transformation, I am the mother.

There are many who say that I am not the creatrix. Some believe that all that exist is a result of a creator. I am sorrowed for them because they fail to see that I show myself to the universe in many guises. My true form is so vast that not the greatest of minds and spirits can comprehend its way. To do so it to know the eternal ways and forms of the universe, a matter that is continually changing for I am the mother. I always birth new life into the universe.

Many of my children seek to know me as the mother. They look for me in many places but fail to see that they are but a part of me and that they have known me for all their lives. As the Wiccians have said, "Seek me within for I have been with you always and I shall be attained at the end of desire."

There are lessons that many forget because they are quite simple lessons. The mind often is so entrapped with complexities in this age that it dismisses the simple as unimportant. It is vital to embrace a simple path of life for it frees the mind to play in its puzzles and to celebrate life in simple joy.

Because my children are in need, I shall guide them. While these are the words of a woman, I impart my lesson through her. She is a teacher who brings my schooling to all who would listen.

PBP: Week 5: C - Compassion

Tying into the post for last week's theme, I'd like to talk about compassion. Compassion means to 'suffer with' another. It has come to be understood as kind acts towards other people (and beings). If you have seen some of my other posts, you will recognize that I feel that kindness is one of the most powerful forces in the universe.

Kindness is not limited to human. Studies have been done and observations have been made that animals exhibit kindness/compassion. At times going outside of their own species.

• Moko the dolphin saves two pygmy whales
• Dolphins work together to prevent an injured companion from drowning.
• Rats feel empathy and will act to aid companion rats

There are countless cases of dogs and cats adopting other dogs or cats young when rejected by their parent. There are also recorded cases of them adopting outside of their species. This is part of what is behind the concept of a 'feral child.'

 If we can have compassion seen in the 'lower' animals of the world, then humanity must get over their egoism and extend it to all the world. It doesn't require some sort of grand gesture. It can be as simple as lending a bit of time and willingness to hear another person's story. It can be picking up refuse that is left along the roadside. It can be pulling weeds from a flowerbed or making a feral cat shelter from spare materials.

I sincerely believe that each act of kindness is blessed.

PBP: Week 4, B - Beautiful

Beauty can be seen in many places. People forget, however, that their perspective of beauty is not the absolute. One could wax on and on about what is beautiful and what is not, in their own perspective. It is my opinion that to the gods we are ALL beautiful. All that exists, down to the most miniscule and grotesque thing, is beautiful in their eyes. Because what is existence if not their beloved children. We should keep this little thought in mind as we go through our world. Find beauty where it lies, treasure it, and realized that all are beloved.

First Ritual of the Year

Full Ice Moon (Age: 14 days)

Sign: Cancer
Weather: Some lake effect, high clouds, 

and bitter cold

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was a very simple little ritual with the boys. I took a birthday cake candle and put it in its own special holder. I then lit it. I brought it before the boys and told them that this was their wishing candle. And that they were to make a wish before blowing it out. After they blew the candle out, I put it on the altar and explained that their wish may come true by the next full moon. They were excited about that. They told me that their wishes were to get trains and to watch trains. Two very easy things for a crafty witchy Mom to make happen.

That business done, I put a few offerings up for the gods, the wights, and the dead. I also am using our oil diffuser to put a bit of rose essential oil into the air. I put the statuary back on the altar. It looks a bit more crowded now, but it feels more correct. Tomorrow, I will put the offerings outside in a hidden spot.

 

I hope that the gods, the wights, and the dead enjoy my offerings tonight. It was a bit of special fudge that I bought at the store to treat myself and some vodka. I plan on making another bottle of infused vodka over the next few months. I think I know what I'm going to infuse into it. I received a box of oranges from my maternal grandmother this week. I think I am going to take the peel from some of the oranges and use that to make orange infused vodka.

 

I think it will make something nice to give in offering. I have a jar of boozy peaches that I am considering decanting some of the liquor off to use for offerings. Again, I'm not entirely decided on how to approach that. I feel the urge to do more baking. I think when February's full moon comes, we'll do something with cakes and juice. If I do it right, I can ease the boys into a full ritual, possibly by the time Litha comes.

Entitlement.

Waxing Ice Moon ( 9 Days old)

Sign: Taurus

Weather: exceptionally cold (arctic temps), 

overcast with moderate lake effect

I am going to do something that I don't usually do here and talk a bit about a social problem that pops up everywhere of late it seems. If you listen to the politicians and their associated talking heads, you have a lot of nattering on about people who have an entitlement attitude. If you listen to the social commentators around, they go on about how people 'deserve' things. And then you have the endless advertisements that go on about stuff like 'get the credit you deserve'. There's also the subtle version of that 'get what you really wanted.'

Entitlement has several definitions. I'd like to think that the politicians are talking strictly about that third definition that has to do with benefits from government programs. I get the terrible feeling that they are actually talking about one having grounds to make claim of something. And that all of the arguments are over what people seem to opine are the legitimacy of others to things. Throw in a bit of confusion over what precisely those 'things' are and some sloppy word play... Well, you wind up with a mess.

I'm going to play out here an idea. If you agree with me, let me know. If you disagree, let me know. I would be *really* excited to see some discussion going on in the comments. :)

My idea:

What all people have a legitimate claim to (regardless of race, age, social status, nationality, creed, or any other distinguishing factors)

1. To live unmolested and in a fashion that is conducive to their well being
2. To have access to clean water, food, shelter, and other basic necessities of life
3. To be able to raise their children in accordance with their beliefs (whilst adhering to points number one and two in the case of their dependents)
4. To practice their chosen belief system (whilst adhering to prior points in all interactions with others)
5. To have free expression of their thoughts via what ever medium they wish to exercise (while... you know)
6. To have freedom of thought wherein they are not punished or penalized for their ideas, beliefs, or other thoughts even if they go against the majority - a person's mind is their kingdom and sacred ground that must be respected for it is the source of all autonomy

Here's what I think is not on the list:

1. A big house, fancy cars, or other trappings of wealth. Nice to have but you earn them and create them.
2. Power over other people. Dependents are a trust that belongs to future generations. They must be handled with care and dignity, for you are literally shaping the future in how you treat them.

I know that there's a lot that I didn't cover. If you feel that there is something that must be added, put it in the comments. If you feel that I was wrong about one of my points, let me know. I recognize society creates systems that control and manipulate all of these things. I also am of the opinion that society must be constantly subjected to a critical examination to determine if it is working for the good of all parties and enabling all people to live as genuinely as the possibly can.

PBP 2013: wk 3: B - Blessing

Blessings are not always the wonderful flowery things that people describe. Sometimes it is a roof over head, food in the belly, and dry clothes to wear. Sometimes it is a fire to drive back the cold. Sometimes it is have all the fingers and toes you were born with. And sometimes it is having a prosthetic to replace the ones that you lost.

Blessings are easy to find if you keep a grateful heart.

New Moon, new altar.

Waxing Moon (3 Days)

Sign: Pisces

Weather: Unusually warm, cloudy skies with threat of rain

~*~*~*~*~*~

A decision that I made is to observe the new moon by reshuffling my altar. It is my goal to keep up with this for every new moon as part of my effort to get back to being more consistent in my ritual observances. I still have a fair amount of my altar furnishings put away. This slick, trimmed back altar is a function of necessity rather then desire. 

My children are fascinated with the altar and have decided it would be a lovely thing to play with. I'm still in the midst of teaching them what it means. I think it's going to be a few months before they've figured out enough not to play with it.

That said, here is January's New Moon Altar pic!

Loki said he wanted one of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that I was having for lunch, so I gave him one. In the cup is the last of my Jameson whiskey. The little boat figurine is for Narvi. The crochet baggie beside it holds some other small offerings for Loki. In the silver bowl is a stone with a drawing on it that I am giving to the gods. Before the boat figurine is a stone that Cuddle Bear decided he was going to give to the gods. Away as the far left of the picture is one other offering that I honestly don't know what to do with it now. I made a crochet rose for Dea.

As I give more offering that are less food oriented or easily scattered for the wildlife, I don't know what I am going to do with it. I am considering a box for those things to go into. I don't know if that would be appropriate or not. I am sure that the gods will let me know how they want me to handle these things.

PBP 2013: week 2: A - Anger

Lots of people talk about anger. Lots of people have really insightful things to say on this topic. I'm not sure if my addition to the countless plethora of blog posts and articles is going to make much of an impact. It is, however, my deepest thoughts on something that I have found challenging for years.

Anger is a harsh emotion. It has the sharpness of a blade and can be used as such a tool. When used in a healthful fashion, it can be the surgeon's scalpel that excises illness from our souls. When used in an unhealthful fashion, it becomes the common thug's switchblade that is used to extort others or force them into acting against the validity of their own souls. Anger itself is a morally neutral thing.

I struggle with anger. The popular opinion that anger is a dangerous emotion has crept into my life and puts it into the realm of something to be controlled and withheld from view, lest it prove something too disruptive for others. Oft quoted aphorisms that talk about how anger is something we are supposed to remove from ourselves tend to pop up a lot on my Facebook feed and meet me on a regular basis when I am looking at how to best manage my illnesses.*

The real struggle that I face when encountering anger is not that wild, uncontrollable sense of anger that people talk about. It is owning my anger and embracing it when it is valid. We should not be a culture that decries any emotion. Emotions happen. They're our response to the world around us. We should be embracing them and upholding them as valuable.

Anger is what motivates me to act against injustice. Anger is what motivates me to speak up when I see someone being needlessly cruel. Anger is what pushes me forward when I find that my depression has overwhelmed me. Anger is not our enemy. Anger is as much our friend as pain. It tells us when something is wrong. It gives us the strength to fight for what is right. It is the voice that says "You will not ignore me. I am am a vaild human being. You WILL respect me."

I'm working to embrace that healthy aspect of anger. And I sincerely hope that others shall do so as well.

~*~*~*~*~

* I will be talking a bit more about mental illness and my own faith later this week. I'll be posting a link to that entry here in the foot notes.

PBP: Week 1: A - Absolutism.

Absolutism is the enemy of reasoned discussion. When one orients themselves to a fixed point and refuses to consider any others, even as an intellectual exercise, they stagnate in their ideas and concepts. Their brain becomes increasingly rigid and less adaptable to new input.

The pagan religions are coming close to their half century mark of renewed practice. In this time, the beginning of orthodoxy are starting to show its heads. (And I truly believe that a hydra is the best metaphor for this collection of ideas and its pervasiveness.) Mere superstition has come to replace theological exploration. Absolutism is making its presence known.

It is a seductive concept. We find comfort in things established as 'fact' and practices with a measure of 'history' behind them. We must not allow our desire for comfort to make us complacent in our spiritual efforts. We must continue to be the bold explorers that we started out as.

With out the quest for growth, we will die a slow death. Absolutism is poison and we must resist its siren song.

Contemplation

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 10 days)

Sign: Pisces

Weather: Fair, unseasonably warm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In my enthusiaism, I believe I accidentally offended the Filianic women that I have begun corresponding with. I seized upon the images here as wonderful modern icons. I was then explained that they would not be canonical and therefore inappropriate icons. I posted an apology for the uproar I created.

As I walked out to run my errands this morning, I prayed on this matter.

I struggle to see how this is a more fitting representation of the Lady. I am to understand that the birth of the Daughter is a spiritual birth. Apparently images of the Lady suckling her Child are not canon as well. I am trying so very hard to understand this.

I can accept that clothes prevent the sacred from being seen by those who would profane it.

I struggle with the idea that the natural state of humanity is incorrect. I have prayed on this and no illumination came. The Lady simply smiles indulgently. I think I am struggling with something that is a strictly human concern. I suspect this is why she says nothing and gives no indication as to if these images are correct or not.

I am trying so very hard to understand. I am at a place where I am not comfortable. So much is shaken up and in the middle of it all, there She stands.

Can't anyone help?

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 4 days)

Sign: Sagittarius

Weather: Mild, partly cloudy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm called to following the Goddess in the aspect presented from the Deanic/Fillianic perspective. As I do research and attempt to find others, I am instead finding dead ends. Abandoned blogs, closed websites, and groups that appear to be inactive. I am becoming quite frustrated. I don't understand why I am called to this, I don't understand how I am supposed to proceed.

I acted according to Goddess's prompting and I have been praying the Fillianic rosary. I look for other things that could possibly guide me more upon this path and I find nothing. I confess, I am very frustrated. I don't know what direction I am supposed to turn. I'm called to follow a monotheistic Goddess faith along side my strange from of heathenism. I struggle to make things work when I have been operating from a shamanic flavored eclectic Wiccan framework. 

A part of me is so frustrated that I want to cry. A part of me leapt at the prospect that perhaps I was joining a community of other believers. I find, however, that there is no one else answering my call. It makes me feel horribly alone to see where things had started and then floundered. I feel like I'm late to the party and those who are inside won't let me in.

The perverse irony of the feeling in the light of the Christian parable has not been lost on me. I don't know what to do. I'll say my prayers and just do my best to trust the Gods to know what they are doing.

Humility & other thoughts

Waxing Blood Moon (Age: 3 days)

Sign: Sagittarius

Weather: Mild, light breezes, fair skies

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I've been focusing on the Mother Goddess over the last several days. She's inspired me to take some big steps after the ritual on Sunday. I sent a manuscript off to a publisher on Tuesday. Today, after a great deal of consideration and prayer, I wrote a letter to my Mom. And I'm sitting here working on my other writing projects with a consideration as to how to get them ready for publication.

All of this work, in the face of depressive and mixed episodes, it has been challenging. I've just been utterly worn out by the end of the day. That said, my home is clean (thanks to some assistance from my Aunt on Monday), my children are healthy, and my life is in some measure of order. I can't say this is something that came as a magical result of the ritual. But there is a distinct change to how I am approaching things.

The panic of everything is going to go wrong has lifted to a very large degree. I am also finding myself humbled by what I have accomplished. There is not the usual 'I don't understand? Doesn't everybody do this?' thought going on. I am looking around and realizing that I do a lot of hard work. And that I do it well. This kind of realization is fostering a sense of personal pride and just leaving me in a mild state of amazement. 

Today is not a mixed episode, depressive, or manic day. Today is just a 'normal' day. And I am seeing enormous impact here from that ritual. It gives me hope that I will continue to improve as this goes on. I am going to make a point of accepting the Mother Goddess's love. I am going to make a point of communicating to her my gratitude. And I am going to try to reach out to others who follow her.

When the Asier, Vanir, and Jotnar are all encouraging me to do this, it has to be something important. Now I just need to get matters settled with Loki. Flamehair wants me to act as a major priestess. My initial answer was 'No, my boys can't handle the chaos.' The discussion is now transitioning into one of what is needed to make that happen. If Flamehair wants me to do this, he will work with me to make it possible and to make sure that it doesn't create problems for my family. I must admit, however, his occasional bribe suggestions have been funny.

A Prayer

Ave Matris.
Ave Filia.
Ave occulta Deae,

Praying the Filianic Rosary

Waning Wine Moon (Age: 25 days)

Sign: Leo

Weather: Fair skies, seasonable temps.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I just finished praying the Filianic Rosary. I did so as instructed on the Mother God website. I meditated upon the sacred mysteries as directed. I wasn't sure what to expect from this.

I am sitting here on the verge of tears. Let me start from the beginning, because I am rather starting in the middle of things.

As I was getting my materials together (my written copy of the prayers and one of my goddess rosaries), I thought about the concept of being in spiritual exile and sin. I thought very carefully about this point. It is one that has continually rankled me about religions that have a salvation focus. So, before I started to do these prayers, I examined this point.

It occurred to me that exile need not be banishment. Indeed, exile is not always self induced. The question arises, then, how could the term exile apply to me? I have resisted this term because of the heavy Christian connotations that we have 'chosen' our distance from the Divine or inherited the condition by virtue of our birth. It struck me like a thunderbolt that I could quite easily describe myself as in exile.

Am I exiled from some treasured homeland? Not exactly. And my exile wasn't self imposed. My exile comes from being forced away from the loving relationship that I so deeply desired with Mother. The barriers between myself and this relationship are my conditioned fears and behaviors. When I realized that, suddenly the anger at the concept of exile melted away. Beneath it, I found a deep sense of grief.

I then looked at the question of sin. I have not knowingly committed crimes against any Gods. Then a quiet voice whispered to me from within myself, that I have. In my failure to love and care for myself, I have committed a great sin, a great crime against the Goddess within me. The sense of grief deepened.

I then looked at this and the cycle of self neglect and self abuse. I realized that I did need a guide out of this state. I recognized that such a guide could be termed as a Savior. It was as though something suddenly became unlocked and I had the blinders that I had been wearing fall off. In the light of this understanding, I gathered together my things and decided to pray.

At first, the prayers were mechanical and awkward. As I moved deeper into them and eased into trance, I found myself tearing up at the parts where I plead for the Goddess's comfort and aid. I still feel that half painful sorrow. I tried to keep my focus on the mysteries. This, however, was subtly pushed aside as a vision came over me.

For the first time in years, I found myself back in that place of cobalt blue light. Within the light, there was a figure. It looked like all of the icons of the Virgin Mary. She stood before me, her arms out stretched. Roses were beneath her feet of all colors. Their scent hung heavy in the air, so much so that even after I finished praying, I could still smell them. I stood before her, struggling with the urge to burst into tears. I took a few steps forward and she took me into her arms.

I then came out of the trance. I still revere and follow the Aseir, Vanir, and Jotnar. I don't know how Dea is going to figure into this. The thing that I had been searching for in my quest to build a relationship with Goddess has been revealed. I had gotten a glimpse of it in the past and it was so very, very powerful. It was something that nearly drove me to my knees. I have found it again.

Ave Dea.

Mother?

Waning Wine Moon (Age: 24 Days)

Current Sign: Leo

Weather: Cloudy, rainy, cool

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have been getting called to become involved with the Filianic faith. This is something that the goddesses of the Asa, Van, and Jotnar are all very strongly pushing. It is a strange feeling. They're not telling me that I'm not to follow them, only that I should follow this goddess as well. As such, I have been trying to keep this in mind as I go through my day.

I have started looking for prayers that I can use in the course of my day. I found this one on my first attempt of searching and I found it incredibly appropriate. It is a confusing place to be right now. This depressive episode isn't helping things any. I am, however, going to do my best to put the gods first and resume my work as a priestess.

Part of that work means being the best person I can be. It means doing what I can to be the best housewife I can be. It means doing what I can to be the best mother and spouse I can be. All of these things are blessed under the auspices of the goddesses I follow. I am not sure how this will come into the relationship with Dea.

I don't know if I am supposed to strive as a priestess or as a lay person. I feel rather confused as to how I should proceed. It's much like if the gods were telling me to pursue Christianity. I suppose, I should pray and wait patiently for clarification to be shown to me.

Until my next post, may the gods bless and keep you all.

The Gods are not Subtle.

Waning Gibbous Wine Moon (Age: 17 days)

Sign: Taurus

Weather: Seasonably warm and mild

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Gods are not subtle all the time. When the decide they are going to make sure you know something, it seems to be engraved upon a brick and thrown at you sometimes. I had a cosmic 'clue by four' swung at my head today. An advertisement for me to subscribe to a professional Art magazine was sitting in my mailbox this morning. This is on the heels of having a small selection of work featured in an art show last month and being asked back by the director of the show for next year's exhibition.

And then there is the mountain of comments from people talking about how I should be getting my writing published. When it rains, it pours. For a little while, I was feeling like I was pretty worthless as an artist and an author. Then affirmation started rolling in like a great wave. I have decided that I am just going to focus on my work and let the rest of it all settle out on its own.

I feel as nervous as a cat in a rocking chair factory right now, but the Gods have put me on this path. And they are part of a rather large group who are pushing me forward. If I don't go willingly, I suspect I am about to be dragged. Being dragged forward into the future is not half as much fun as it sounds, even if that future is something pleasant.

I gave an oath to the Gods that in return with their help with a health matter that I was struggling with yesterday that I would take my writing (including this blog) more seriously. I am in the midst of working out a posting schedule, this way months don't go by with out even a peep in here. Look for more material in the near future.

A Vision of Mischief.

About three years ago, I had a dream where I was in Odin's hall, though I didn't realize it. And I watched Loki nudge a servant into another person and a platter of food hit the floor. As Fulla (who was nearest) came to deal with the mess, Loki snuck into her room and stole a pair of silken shoes.

So, he changes the shoes into a gold colored ribbon and ties it to his belt. Fulla catches Loki as he's walking away from her chambers and demands to know what he's doing there. Loki smiles and says feigning innocence that he wanted to give her this ribbon he found. Holding up the ribbon he changed her shoes into

Fulla give him a 'yeah right' look and goes into her chamber. She notices immediately that her favorite pair of shoes are gone.

 

She comes out and starts demanding that Loki give them back. Loki again feigns innocence and Frigga's attention is caught by Fulla getting angrier by the passing second. Fulla pokes Loki in the chest and says "I know you took them, now where are they. What did you do with them?"

 

Loki grins like the smart ass he is, waves the ribbon and says "In a very safe place." Fulla looks around the hall. notes that some of the weaving supplies look like they've been messed with. So she begins tearing her way through the pile of equipment as Loki sneaks off to her chambers and returns the shoes.

 

As Fulla is going through everything and basically muttering every single insult she can think of with regards to Loki, Odin was in on the joke and able to see through the magic. So Odin is there, beginning to guffaw as his wife is getting exasperated with Fulla rearranging all of the weaving equipment.

 

Loki walks up behind Fulla and taps her on the shoulder. he then mildly suggests that she try looking in her chambers again. Fulla glares at him. Frigga tells her to go look and immediately put Loki to work fixing the mess made by Fulla. When Fulla finds the shoes, she lets out this furious shriek and Loki says 'Gotta go.' and bolts out of there as Odin damn near pisses himself laughing and Frigga looks like she's ready to throttle the two of them.

 

I woke to the sound of Odin laughing and watching the door into Odin's hall swinging shut as Loki pelted it out of there.

1/2 Year veiled.

Waxing Blue Moon (Age: 5 days)

Sign: Scorpio

Weather: Fair, Cool

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So, I have been wearing a veil for half a year now. Looking back on it, I think it has contributed to my feeling more in control of my life. I know that it has done wonders for my sense of safety. I don't know what my therapist would say about how it impact my psychological well being, but I am not doing this for the sake of my psychological health, that's just a pleasant side effect. I am becoming more comfortable with my appearance and viewing myself as a beautiful woman. This is a very big step.

Images like the one above and those of the Blessed Virgin Mary have proven inspiring. As I look for more images from around the world and in history, I find myself becoming increasingly more comfortable with veiling. It is now a case where I don't feel fully dressed with out something on my head. When I'm in the house and around my family, I am going bare headed but it is not as frequent as it used to be.

The general reaction of my scarves has been neutral to pleasant. I was concerned at the beginning that I was going to encounter a lot of hostility. Instead I found people actually tending to treat me with greater deference. Men pause to open the door for me and people are more patient with me. I think it is because most of the women around here who cover are members of the more conservative Christian groups. I say nothing to disabuse anyone of the notion but it has made for a pleasant surprise.

In my spiritual life, I am finding that my scarves act as a reminder for me that I am sacred. It encourages me to treat myself with greater respect. I am leaning towards making or buying a special veil for only when I do oracular work. I am torn as to which would be a greater benefit. Amusingly, one of my new favorite scarves was picked out for me by Loki, one of my patrons. Sigyn, one of my matrons, has said that it is appropriate that I wear a veil to tell the world that I am a married woman and a priestess. She hasn't explained to me how that exactly works, but she is also strongly advocating that I have a special veil set aside for when I pray or do magic, as well as a special shawl for this.

Ponderings & Poppets.

Waning Wheat Moon (Age: 20 days)

Sign: Aries

Weather: Fair, seasonable temperatures, 

mild drought conditions

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Loki and Odin have decided to put me to work on eradicating unhealthy elements of my past by way of a funeral. I've made the poppet in question. I have done what I could to impress the painful and terrifying aspects of the past into it. I feel, however, that I have not done a reasonably good job of it. I am reluctant to do much along the lines of something with this poppet because I am so incredibly hesitant to accidentally fling harmful energy back down the line towards other people.

I don't want to hurt them, no matter how much they have hurt me in the past. I feel that it is not my place to mete out punishment. Loki, Odin, and the other Aesir have been decidedly silent on it. Hel simply looks at me, waiting for me to act. It is unnerving. She knows, however, that I will need her help on this, so she waits for me to turn to her.

Meditation: Places of Spirit - The Garden

Below is a guided meditation. It is somewhat rough. This is because it serves as an outline which you may improve upon. To find your way 'out' of the meditation, simply have the subject walk on the path that leads directly to the door. Then have them unlock the door, exit, relock the door, and use a standard trance ending procedure.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Before you is a door, an entry into a hidden, secret place within yourself. This place is known only to you and is sacred, for it is part of you. In your dominant hand, there is a key. You unlock this door, pass through, and then turn, locking it again. You are safe from all harm here, all psychic energy thrown at you waits beyond the locked door as you remain safe within yourself.

When you turn from  the door, you find yourself before a vast garden. It stretches as far as the eye can see. It is filled with all manor of green, growing things. Flowers of every color, trees, bushes, and things that are fantastic, wondrous plants of your dreams flourish here. This garden is the garden of your spirit.

As you walk through it, you find that there are plants and how they are arranged correspond to your dreams, desires, and goals. You find there are other plants and features that correspond with other aspects of yourself. As you become acquainted with your spirit garden, you realize that it is a landscape that reflects your soul in all of its multiple facets.

Places that are healthy and pleasing to the eye are the healthy parts of yourself that you are comfortable with. Places that are healthy but not aesthetically pleasing are healthy aspects of yourself that you are not comfortable with. Places that are unhealthy are the parts of you which are unhealthy spiritually. Negative habits appear here as invasive plants, weeds, and plant diseases. This includes the unhealthy thought patterns that are the basis of these habits.

You will also find that there are places within your garden that lead to parts of your mind. One path leads you to where you put the parts of your spirit that you hide from the world at large. Another leads you to where your dreams take place. There are many, many different paths in this garden and the plants aligned along them correspond with each aspect it deals with.

At the center of the garden is a structure. It is the most sacred part of this garden. Within, you have a sacred space where you commune with the Divine. It is as elaborate (or simple) as your ideal place of worship would be. It holds all the tools you would need and is always accessible to you.

Blessed Lughnasadh!

A message.

She asked for a person who could do channeling. Then there was nothing but silence. I question if it was a genuine request or not. Then Loki made it clear to me that there was a message. One that he'd been trying to express and she simply was not understanding it. So, in my efforts to be of assistance, I have offered him the format of my blog here to carry that message. Out of respect for the parties involved, I am not going to mention names. If you read this and you know it is meant for you, then the job has been done. Otherwise, it just is a few random electrons on the internet. And Loki is nothing if not random.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You want me to give you signs. You need to open your eyes. You have received signs. Many of them. You act like a petulant child when they are not the ones you wished for. You claim that I am not showing you my love and then you blatantly reject what my people tell you. MY PEOPLE. Not Odin's, not Frigga's, not any one else's people. Not the random volva who you encountered. People who I have taken by the hand and I have claimed as MINE.

In your self absorbed claim of superiority, you want to reject them. They are as kinsmen to you. And you are too blind and too proud to see it. I am disappointed. I am not a man to be trifled with. I'm not a puppy to be lead about on a leash. I am not some love sotted fool to be lead about by the nose. I am LOKI. I am the World-breaker. I am A GOD!

Your half hearted selfish desperation disgusts and disappoints me. I expected more from you. I thought you were going to stand up for yourself. I thought you were going to walk confidantly at my side. Instead you scorn Sigyn, spit on Freyja, and cower away wailing that you are ignored. THIS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

Stand up. Treat yourself and the people around you with some measure of respect. This petulant whining child behavior is going to end. No woman of mine acts in this fashion. It is one thing if you are a child, but you are long past that point of your life. Now act like it.

Lughnasadh or First Harvest

Here's a lovely song from Omina to listen to as you think upon this high holiday. I celebrate the first of the harvest festivals with a new altar arrangement.

To the left, I have my god representative statue (Buddha) and a small jar of ears of wheat to represent the Greenman. I have an electric candle lit for Loki and a small glass heart that he gave me. Underneath the god statue is the washcloth that I knit for Loki. A candle jar filled partially with salt for holding inscence (which I was burning earlier) sits waiting for that offering.

In the center are the ears of wheat I cut from my garden just a short time ago. The antique silver bud vase was a thrift store find. The square mirrored candle plate, like the vase, are there for aesthetic value and to evoke the four elements. The round doilie was made by my great-great-great grandmother. It is placed to honor my ancestors and those who have come before me.  The pentacle at the forefront of the altar is from a late friend's altar. It is there to honor the Divine that is beyond and encompasses all forms.

At the right, I have my goddess representative statue (Kwan Yin) and a statuette of Mary (this incidentally is also how Sigyn has manifested for me). About the goddess statue, I have my small wrist distaff. I would have an athame on the left side of the altar but what I had been using as a kid friendly athame fell to pieces in my hands last week.   I have a soapstone oil burner that serves as my 'hearth' for my Brigid devotions. There is a small electric candle in there. A silver bowl for offerings sits waiting.

When the full moon comes this week, I will give a small offering of flour (or cornmeal, I haven't decided which yet) and wine. I will also put out a small offering for the Dead. It will soon be time to honor them as well. Between now and then, however, I am going to take the time to appreciate what I reap from my efforts over the growing season.

My harvest includes a bumper crop of oregano and basil. (I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with all of this.) I have my four ears of wheat (with the fifth left out for Freyja). I almost have tomatoes. The first of those will go on the altar. I am almost ready to harvest a few other vegetables too. To say the least, the first fruits of my harvest will be set upon the altar as a way to give back to the gods.

In my more spiritual harvest, I have a much closer relationship with my deities. I have grown stronger over this last year. I continually strive forward in my efforts to become healthy, learning more about how to appropriately treat myself. This may not sound like spiritual growth to some people, but it is for me.

Meditation: Trance Induction No. 1

Breathe deep. Feel the air filling your lungs slowly. Hold it in for a moment and then let it ease out. Exhale slowly, letting the tensions and worries go out of your body with your breath. Wait a moment, aware of your heart beating in your chest and the feeling of waiting in your lungs for air. Inhale slowly, savoring the cool air moving in through your nose, down your throat and into your chest. Feel your lungs filling like balloons, pleasantly stretching out to accommodate your breath.

Pause a moment, lungs full and a pleasant tension in your body. Exhale and feel all of the tension pass out of you, dissapating with your breath into the air. Now, as you inhale, the state of relaxation deepens. A feeling of serenity fills you eve as your lungs fill with air. When you exhale, all lingering anxiety and tension fades.

You are now in a state of deep peace and comfort, like when on the edge of sleep and yet aware. You breathe easily and comfortably. Inhale, exhale. Relaxation fills your body, starting at your toes. You curl them and feel the tension in your feet peak, then uncurl them and feel the relaxation replace it. Up the back of your calves, the tension peaks and then melts away. This wave moves upwards into your thighs and hips. Slowly, gently, it passes up through your abdomen and into your chest.

It spreads across your chest and down your arms. You can feel the tension melting out of you, like water running down and dripping off your fingertips into the earth. The relaxation moves through your neck and over your face. Your entire body is relaxed. You are at peace, rested and comfortable, yet alert.

Meditation: Places of Spirit - The Cave

There is a cavern with a hole at the ceiling of it, which allows light in. There is a lake with a river that feeds into it and an outlet. The light filters in and reflects off the water as it illuminates the mist. It is a blue-ish mist where the light doesn't touch, glowing on its own. Where the light does touch, the mist is a brilliant white/gold. There always is the form of a woman in the midst, though her apparent age always changes.

The entrance to that cave is a long, vaulted passage that snakes about. As a result, the light of the entrance doesn't reach the cave. It is pleasantly warm in the cave and the mist is refreshingly cool. The water of the lake and streams, however, is shocking cold. At the rear of the cave, there is a narrow tunnel which the water pours through as a roaring river. It is very dark there. Near the edge of this tunnel, there is a shallow, sandy bear with a shallow bottomed boat. There are no oars or other method of directing it, however.

To reach the small beach, one must swim across the water. On that small beach, it can be seen a small silver circle on the stone of the wall. Along the edge of the tunnel, there is an incredibly narrow path that is barely wide enough for one person to walk and the roof of the tunnel over the path is just high enough to allow one to stand upright.

A breeze blows up the tunnel and smells of the sea.

Hard theology and such...

If you are curious about where my tradition stands on various matters, I highly suggest you peek at my companion blog The Veiled Witch. It is a more formalized exploration of my tradition. I will be discussing a wide range of things from theology (which was my original intent to discuss here but then the blog grew) to ritual formats to the art and science of spell craft*.

* This will not be a publicly accessible spell book. I will be discussing things such as how to craft a spell and why they work. Look in this blog for occasional spells and tips on how to improve your magical efforts.

Covered in Light (drama)

In the span of twenty four hours, the group has exploded with drama. I recognize with rapid growth, the potential for drama multiplies exponentially. Put three people into a room and you have a small potential for drama. Put thirty people into the same room and you have a huge potential for drama. The sad thing about this is the fact that all of this drama threatens the very existence of a group that I think is much needed in the pagan community.

Some of the detractors of the growth explosion claims that it is currently a fad to be a pagan who covers. Some of the detractors have claimed that we are excluding people of ethnic background that are not 'white'. Some of the detractors have accused us of engaging in cultural appropriation and ideological theft.

Seriously, people?

Covered in Light began as a small group of like minded people supporting each other. There was no decision made to exclude people of ANY race or ethic background. We were all expressing support to people of any religious path. In the beginning, CiL included people of Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, and pagan backgrounds. We explored the question of cultural appropriation. As a group, we determined that being pagan and covering wasn't any sort of ideological theft. As one of the women so wisely pointed out, there are only so many ways you can manipulate a piece of fabric. The only restriction made in group membership, that I have EVER been aware of is that the group is for women - including transwomen.

I, for one, don't want to see Covered in Light go the way of Mysticwicks. Mysticwicks turned into a cesspool. People were actively attacking each other and  there was a lot of hankypanky going on with the administration of the forums. Covered in Light is on the verge of self destruct because of rapid growth and the associated difficulties. I think this would be a very bad thing because I think that the pagan community needs CiL.

Yes, you read that correctly. I think that the world wide pagan community needs Covered in Light, or something similar. I believe that the explosion of the groups numbers (we're currently at 200 as of last count) is not because of a fad or some people decided it would be fun. I think it is because there is genuinely a need for the pagans who cover their heads as part of their worship practices to have support. 200 people is but a drop in the ocean that is paganism. I believe that there are many women (and men) who would (or do currently) value the supportive network of others who cover.

Yes, there will be some silliness. There will even be a touch of drama. Large groups of people and a form of communication that is challenging (the interwebz) will always breed nonsense and drama. I sincerely hope that I can slap up another post on here in a few days happily announcing that CiL is continuing on, possibly under a different name.

Pagan Blog Project: O - Odin

Odin, also known affectionately as 'Old One Eye' and 'Old Crow' by my patron deity, is a very wise deity. He is also very, very much like his blood-brother. Some people who are coming to this blog may be expecting me to expound upon this with a great deal of UPG thrown in. Others may expect me to be drawing off of the lore and the verified PG that is flying around the internet. I'm not going to do either, actually.

Instead, I am going to humbly submit a poem for this week's PBP post. I don't write poetry as often as I did in the past. I am attempting to fix that. I hope that Odin finds this offering acceptable. I hope that my readers enjoy it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Old One Eye, He calls you
That looming presence
The One who watches me as I cast spells
The One who waits in the raven upon the tree
Watching, watching as I water my plants

You hung upon the World-Tree
You gained the wisdom of the Worlds
How clumsy my stumbling must look to You
Handling the Runes with a child's hands
Struggling to read, to see what is there

Patiently, You watch me
Brooding like a storm on the horizon
You wait and watch
Soon, Your voice will roll like thunder
I pray that I will have learned enough
To hear You by then

Pagan Blog Project: N - Narfi & Vali

**UNVERIFIED PERSONAL GNOSIS WARNING**

Loki's sons by Sigyn are Narfi and Vali. In the old stories, as part of Loki's punishment (either for insulting the Aesir at Ageir's feast or for his role in Baldur's death, the lore is unclear on this) Vali is turned into a wolf that tears out the throat of Narfi. Loki is then bound with the entrails of his slain son in a cave with a snake placed over his head to drip venom into his eyes until Ragnarok. He is attended by his wife Sigyn.

Context setting with respect to the lore, let's launch off onto a tangent. Many people envision Narfi and Vali as young men. Some even depicting them as children. What is forgotten is that Vali was a grown man with a wife and a child of his own. And that his child was grown when this took place. It stands to reason that Narfi was also grown. I propose that what people are being shown is not how the attack happened but how it was viewed by Loki.

As a parent myself, I know that I will always look at my children and in some respect continue to see them as small, fragile little babes. I know that I will still have that maternal feeling of protectiveness long after they have grown and have families of their own. I believe that Loki looked at his sons and saw them again as children. It is also my belief that Vali's transformation into a wolf was akin to a death as well. Imagine, if you would, the intelligence of a man trapped in something that could not communicate or act as a man.

Loki's told me that their deaths was weirgeld for his role in Baldur's death. He speaks of the events (the death of Baldur, the death of Hod, and his own punishment by the Aesir) with great sorrow. At times, he expresses anger. At times he is quiet and simply mournful, almost withdrawn even. It is a tragedy that Loki has expressed deep, deep sorrow that it was necessary for the fate of the nine worlds.

It is my hope that Narfi and Vali can come to be known in their own rights. The beauty of the world is that the past, present, and future are all interwoven. It is something that has, is, and will happen all at the same time.

Hail Narfi and Vali, Loki's youngest sons.

Covered in Light

 I am part of a group called Covered in Light... it consists of women who cover/veil for whatever reason and encompasses all religions and beliefs. Recently, some of our Sisters have been treated horribly in public... so.... we are organizing the First Annual Covered in Light International Awareness Day to promote understanding and tolerance.

The date is Friday, September 21, 2012.

A facebook page detailing the event will be coming soon, but I would like all my friends to consider wearing a covering of their choice to stand in solidarity.

You are all such a supporters of Tolerance for all that we were hoping to have you mention us on your pages to help this go viral. Thank you in advance.

http://coveredinlight.org/2012/07/14/first-annual-international-covered-in-light-day/

Hail Loki.

You remind me to be courageous.
You encourage me to laugh at the absurdities of this life.
You press me to speak the uncomfortable truths that no one else can tell.
You drive me to distraction.
You confuse and befuddle me.
You exhort me to continue forward despite my fears.
You laugh at my foolishness.
You inspire my children to confuse and amuse me.
You show me that I can live with mental illness.
You remind me that I am stronger then I think.
You tell me old stories and lies, mixing fact and fiction into a potent but heady brew.
You tolerate my prating with a smile and then promptly remind me how it doesn't matter.
You drive change forward with aggressiveness that reminds me how necessary it is to grow.
You pull me forward when I balk or stumble in fear.
You pick me up when I fall into despair.

You are my friend.
You are my confidant.
You are loved by me.

Hail, Loptr.
Hail, Flamehair.
Hail, God of Inappropriate Laughter.

Thank you for encouraging me to be the best I can.

Substitutions

One can substitute Mandrake root with any other root of the nightshade family. Failing this, Poison Hemlock root or others from the carrot family.

DO NOT CONSUME POISONOUS PLANTS!

Pagan Blog Project: N - Names

Names have power. This is a very old belief that is present in many, many cultures since antiquity. Bynames (also known as epithets or kennings) are some times used in ritual purposes as a means of avoiding invocations of certain deities or beings. (Not that it's terribly successful.) The time in our lives where names are usually considered the most is at our birth, when our parents name us.

Our birth names are argued by numerologists (and a few others) to shape our fledgling personalities and a measure of how our life unfurls. Names that are considered to be old fashioned are reputed to belong to people who are of a 'stuffy' nature. Names that are considered to be glamorous are reputed to lend the possessor a measure of that good fortune. Similar other folk beliefs abound.

In Wicca, many people have a public name (much like my various pseudonyms) which are used for networking and such. They have their magical name that is their call name from the gods. Some people use their magical name as their public name. I was taught not to do so because one's magical name is something sacred and not to be shared except with people whom you trust implicitly.

It was believed in the 'old days' that one's magical name could be used against them. Thus, it was taboo to speak it out loud. Also, in the 'old days' nicknames or something else of the sort were used to make it a little harder to have the names of coven members tortured out of them. Thus, if a coven comprised of people from three different villages only knew each other by these nicknames, this ensures the safety of the coven. This, however, is lore that is on shaky ground anthropologically. But that is a topic for another day.

Pagan Blog Project: M - Meditation

Some people find meditation difficult. I believe this is because they take the wrong approach to it. They see the images of people sitting in full lotus with their eyes closed and no apparent connection with the rest of the world. They read of extremely practiced people who meditate managing to accomplish impressive mental feats. The most impressive, I think, was the level of discipline and control exhibited by the Buddhist monk who lit himself on fire in protest of the mistreatment of the Buddhists by the South Vietnamese government in 1963. These are exceptional people who have accomplished exceptional feats of the mind.

A novice should not expect themselves to accomplish this. They will be quickly frustrated and disappointed. Quite possibly enough so to never attempt meditation again. Meditation, however, is a simple practice that serves to help sharpen the mind and quiet the spirit. It is something that can be done with out any emphasis upon belief in any 'higher' entity. It is simply a mental exercise that can be beneficial for most anyone who endeavors to engage in it. There has been serious scientific study that has verified this claim to be accurate.

A quick search about the internet shows that much has been written for the lay person about how to engage in meditation. I will not rehash that material, because it has been more then sufficiently covered by others. Instead, I wish to share with you my experience with meditation.

One of my favorite forms of meditation is walking meditation. I focus upon the physical sensations of walking and on my environment. It is not as 'deep' of a form of meditation as others, but I find it quite enjoyable and an excellent form of stress reduction. I combine the positive endorphins from light exercise with mindful attentiveness to my environment. More often then not, I find myself noticing things like small flowers along the sidewalk, the pleasant way light slants through the trees, or the smiles of people having a pleasant conversation as they are waiting in their cars for the light to change.

Another active form of meditation that I enjoy is spinning. I'm not referring to the popular exercise but rather the craft of making thread from raw fiber. Part of the reason why I enjoy it, I admit, is the fact that it is a simple, repetitive task that I find relaxing. I am sure that other people find knitting to be soothing for the same reason. I find myself able to go into a 'deeper' meditative state whilst spinning because my attention is more focused upon a single act. At times, I may combine spinning with walking, and then it is just as if I am doing my usual walking meditation.

I also have a more restive form of meditation that I find highly pleasurable. That, quite simply, is prayer. Sitting in quiet, contemplative prayer is more like the image of meditation that people expect. I don't sit in a special posture. (My arthritic knees don't let me get into full lotus and at times make it hard to sit with my legs crossed on the floor, sadly.) I close my eyes to help cut distractions. Sometimes, I have a set of prayer beads on hand. I will use them to count my prayers to help me stick to a certain time frame for meditation.

Any action done with mindful attention can be meditation. If you are mindful and attentive while washing the dishes, this is a meditative act. If you are mindful and attentive while reading a book, this is a meditative act. The beautiful thing about meditation is how it can be anything you need it to be.