I have no idea what I am doing.

 Waning Wolf Moon (Age: 28 days)
Sign: Sagittarius
Weather: Stupidly cold, fair skies
Snow depth: approx. 4 in.
Drought status: N/A
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Just when I hit a point where I felt like I had some kind of a grasp on my diabetes, it got thrown topsy-turvy. I was having high fasting blood sugar numbers and such despite my following my prescribed diet. That was about this time last year. I was told to eat less and cut out most fats and cheese. I spent the last year doing that (with a great deal of vexation and upset). Then last night I scared the hell out of myself.

Yesterday, I seemed to have finally gotten my blood sugar issue under some resemblance of control. Except when it was time to get ready for bed, I checked my blood sugar and it was going down despite the fact that I ate a snack to prevent it from dropping too low. The whole reason I checked my blood sugar was Loki.

He was cracking jokes about what pranks we should pull on my father-in-law when he suddenly became stone sober and serious. He told me to check my blood sugar right at that moment. That was when I discovered that my blood sugar had dropped from when I had eaten my snack an hour before hand. I had a bit of a freak out, because I ate the first snack of the evening due to the fact that my blood sugar was down at 99. You don't want it to go below 70 or bad things happen when you have diabetes. When Loki basically snapped to and ordered me to check my sugar, it dropped from 99 to 87. I ate my second snack of the night and got angry. 

I was furious that my body was acting stupid. I was frightened that my blood sugar was going to continue to drop. Anger was easier to handle than being terrified. Loki and Beloved were empathetic to my anger. Freyr was unflappable and just waiting. After I got through being angry and finished my bed time routine, I was cuddling in bed with Beloved. And the cycle of anger-fear-grief started all over again. That's when Loki interrupted it with some dirty jokes. Which I shared with Beloved, who started making his own jokes. Between the two of them, they got me laughing enough that I wasn't angry or afraid. I was just tired.

That was when Beloved kissed me on the head and wandered off to take care of some stuff (promising to me up in a few hours to check my blood sugar). Loki patted me on the ankle and when poof. That was when Freyr wrapped himself around me and quietly assured me that I was going to be alright. I just felt like I had been put through a wringer emotionally. Somehow, I fell asleep as Freyr held me tightly against him. Beloved woke me up a few hours later and I said that I felt like I was going to be ok. I complained that my hand hurt and then fell back asleep.

I slept a solid ten hours. I haven't done that in about a year. I woke up feeling a bit groggy but relieved that I even woke up at all. When I did wake up, Freyr was sitting on the foot of my bed. He put his finger to his lips to warn me to be quiet. So, I was quiet and found that Beloved and the kids were still resting. I got moving about and the grogginess wore off. When I checked my blood sugar it was 145, not an ideal fasting blood sugar but better than 200 something, which it should have been given how much I had eaten in my panic over the numbers in the evening before.

Somewhere in the process of the morning as everybody was waking up, Freyr said to me, "You know, you'll be alright. As long as you keep trying and paying attention, you will be alright. But, that postprandial number is one you want to bring up with your doctor. This is why you have to keep a log of everything. It's your weapon against the disease so that you can be healthy and ask the right questions to stay that way." Then he smiled at me and was gone off into the ether as my kids started demanding breakfast.

TL:DR - I had a minor panic over my diabetes stuff as Loki, Beloved, and Freyr all coached me through it. Because having an anxiety disorder on top of diabetes requires a support network.

My brain is giving me emotional whiplash and They're not happy.

Waning Wolf Moon (Age: 16 days)

Moon Sign: Leo

Weather: Very cold, light lake effect snow

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm not swinging back and forth because of my Bipolar II right now. Or at least, I don't think that is the case. But, what ever is going on with me, I've been super anxious for about a week right around sundown. Like, so anxious that the sound of one of the kids unexpectedly tearing a piece of paper almost made me jump out of my skin the other night.

Loki and Freyr are not pleased with this development. They're both of the mind that I really should work on finding a therapist sooner rather than later. I have been a few years now with out a therapist to help me keep my head glued together. My psychiatrist is wonderful. He's been exceedingly helpful and compassionate. But, when the psychiatrist, deities, and your mortal spouse are all in agreement that you could use a bit of time with a therapist again, it's probably time to think about it seriously.

Freyr is of the opinion that my problem is my complex post-traumatic stress disorder acting up again. He's rather firmly told me that I need to stop shoving my feelings into a box. I didn't think I was doing that. But, this year of Covid-19 has brought up all kinds of things from the past. And the weirdness going on with my body due to the diabetes has been bringing up more things from the past. I really guess I fell back into some bad habits. (And Loki says snarkily 'ya think?' as I type this.) 

They have both been pushing me hard to make health changes in my life. This ranges from "It would be good for your mental health to have regular contact with other adults in the world. So, you're going to go back to doing tarot readings on Keen for the sake of your brain. The money doesn't matter." to "This is your new daily schedule, see how you're going to be exercising EVERYDAY." It's been a challenging couple of weeks adjusting to the new schedule that we negotiated. 

The exercise has been probably the hardest part. The weather has been so cold that I'm doing light aerobic exercise as I pace the apartment because it's too cold to walk outside. I over did it the other day and Freyr's been a bit peeved with me for that. I believe his exact words about it was, "Just because you can do it doesn't mean that you should do it." I was really bored pacing and did 300 arm curls (with 2.2 lb weights in each hand) in the span of 20 minutes. It's taken me a week for my arms to stop hurting.

He and Loki are plotting something that involves my exercise stuff. As in, I've been getting random things about 'here's how to train for a marathon' in my email. My search history has been about tarot decks, goddess worship, and my local news. But, I think they want me to get myself back to the point where I could walk 3 miles at a brisk pace with out a problem.

 

 

 

 

Low confidence right now.

 I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I know it's my PTSD creeping up on me. At the same time, I feel terribly alone and like I wouldn't be so alone if I were like everyone else. It's been rough over the last year. Everything went on hold for 2020. Everything except for my scumbag brain insisting that I was a weakling and a coward for hunkering down and avoiding going out because of Covid-19.

I am attempting to restart a whole bunch of things. Yesterday was on one hand a good day. I made a little bit of money on Keen and I reconnected with some old clients. On the other hand, I just felt horrible most of the day and like I wasn't doing enough. I am struggling to reestablish healthy habits that I fell out of last year. I am struggling to get back to using a schedule, which I haven't done in over a decade. And I am struggling to figure out what in hell is going on with my diabetes because my blood sugar has been stupid. It's all left me feeling afraid and like I'm not good enough.

I guess that means it's time to do more Shadow Work. I should really replace that copy of Timothy Rodrick's book on Shadow Work. It's more of a workbook than anything else. Maybe I should go through it again and see what happens this time.

I'm a bit of a librarian.

 Dear Reader,

I have a bit of a library I accumulated over the years. Most of my books are in good condition. Some that I picked up second hand are in poor shape but still readable. At the following link, you will see a partial list of my library. I ran out of spoons to list everything. I'm probably about halfway through the shelf.

Cydira (aka Lady Brythwen Sinclair)'s Library

Blog Changes

 Dear Reader,

If you're reading this, I'd first like to apologize for not updating this in forever. 2020 was one hell of a year and 2021 is shaping up to be the same way. I am going to resume posting in here this year. It is not going to be on a daily basis but on a weekly one. I'm still sussing out content and such. If you follow my blog The Veiled Witch or my mirror of it on Wordpress (The Veiled Witch's Mirror), you'll find that I'm in the process of revamping that blog as well. If I could find a way to port the info on this blog over there, I'd probably do it. But, in hindsight, it is most likely for the best that I keep these two blogs separate. 

In this blog, I'm going to get into the weirder stuff about my spiritual life. I'm also going to be posting more things like spells. It's basically going to become a digital extension of my book of shadows. That was the original purpose of this blog and I'm cycling back to it. I will be doing my best to post on Saturdays. I can't promise it will be every Saturday because that is the day where lots of chores get done and things are hectic. But if you're looking for new content on here, check on Saturday.

I'm going to occasionally post links to The Veiled Witch with material that applies to both blogs. (That's what the next post is going to be.) I'm trying to get back into serious writing mode. Being depressed makes that hard. So I'm working on pushing through that to get back to work. Wish me luck.

And, again, if you've read this far, thank you for your patience and I hope this finds you happy, healthy, and prosperous.

Conversation with my personal monster.

So, I'm going to try this experiment where I hold a conversation with the Egregore I created. I'm not sure how this will go. Text in a different color denotes the construct's part of the conversation. I don't know if it is sufficiently potent enough to hold some independence or not. This will be interesting.

Q: What is your purpose?

A. To assist in processing traumatic memories.

Q: Is your construction part of the reason why I have been having difficulty sleeping and more frequent emotional flashbacks?

A. This is my primary purpose, to bring material to the surface, sort, and categorize it for assessment.

Q: What is the process that is required to alleviate the trauma memories?

A. Identify the trauma, integrate the memories, and release the pain.

Q. Is there a hierarchy of trauma memories that must be processed?

A. Chronological assessment is the current mode of operation.

Q. How do you sort the trauma memories?

A. The most pervasive are first addressed.

Q: What is the integration process?

A. Repeat exposure of the memory until the dissociation response is extinct.

Q: Why do you have a menacing aura?

A. I am a repository of trauma from an early age.

Q: What information do you have for me at this time?

A. You are not your mother. You are worthy. Your problems sleeping are because you are reliving past events or projecting your fears onto future events. 

Q: How might I make the integration process less arduous?

A. Write exhaustively about the experiences and your responses to them. Detail what your triggers are and how to handle them.

Egregore update.

Dear Reader,

I've been haphazard in feeding energy into the doll over the last several months. Been sick and busy with household stuff, like a lot of stuff for the family. The other day, I took the doll out of the bag and did some meditation on feeding energy into it. That was when it took on something of a generally creepy energy. Given that this doll is for shadow work, the creepy energy is appropriate. Even so, it was sufficiently uncomfortable that I put the doll back into the bag and set it aside.

Apparently, my passive feeding the doll by just focusing thought upon it when I saw the bag (which was sitting on the desk by my computer) was an effective thing. The goal of this poppet is to draw out the shadow aspects of myself so that I can work with them. I won't say that the poppet is disturbing. It's a cheapy Belle doll from Walmart that's at best three inches high. But it's starting to take on a quality that I've heard people describe dolls having - some sense of intelligence to it and an alien quality. I didn't exactly expect that to happen.

We're in the last quarter of the February moon. So, this is the time to be working with the poppet. I don't know how to go about that, now that it's picked up something of a spark. I do know, however, that the All-Father wouldn't have suggested this if it wasn't going to be helpful towards my goals. I'm probably going to sit down and have a 'chat' with it during this waning phase. I'll record that here.

Random stuff.

I'm not sure what the moon's age is, but it is a waxing crescent moon. My children have been happily saying hello to Máni when they see the moon in the evening. Máni is my youngest's favorite deity to talk to. They also like to talk to Sunna in the morning. Or when they see the sun come out after a cloudy day. They just like to talk to the gods and tell them about their day or whatever is on their mind. They'll also ask them to help with things like good luck and inspiration. And when there's strong winds they'll ask Aeolus or any other storm deity they can think of to calm the winds. High winds make them nervous, so it is reasonable that they ask the gods to ease them.

I haven't introduced them to Déa yet. I'm waiting for Eastre/Ostara to do that.

My kids have been asking questions about how worlds are made. I've been answering with scientific facts, as best I know them. Then comes the question of "But why does it work like that?" and "Where do the parts come from?" I've replied with "No one knows for sure. But the gods help make it happen." My youngest child, who is a huge Transformers fan has decided to ask the gods to make Cybertron real. He sat down and drew up blueprints for Cybertron and did his best to describe what it needed. Then he put that on the altar. I think it may be time to explain the concept of a multi-verse to him, this way he can stop obsessing quite so much with the concept of visiting Cybertron. If he knows that somewhere out there is another universe where Cybertron is real and another version of himself has visited it and is friends with Optimus Prime, perhaps it will help him be a little less obsessed with it. I don't know.

Sweeten your luck jar

Moving in the opposite direction, I made a thing today that is just as delightful to the eye as what I made last week. This one, however, is far more pleasant in its orientation. It is a spell jar to increase good luck and prosperity, among other things.

Ingredients:
cocoa nibs
rose petals
orange peel (dried)
pink Himalayan salt
spring water (tap water can substitute)
sugar (honey or stevia can be used in place of it)
chocolate vodka (or a small quantity of wine or other alcoholic beverage)
quartz crystal chip
bottle to contain it all
candle (to seal with wax)

Process:
With a mortar and pestle, grind the dry ingredients together until a uniform powder. Carefully transfer into your bottle, making sure you don't lose any of it. (I used a paper funnel because my bottle is tiny.) Add your crystal. Then your sweetener. Then your alcohol of choice. Top the bottle off with water. Close it up. Seal with wax.

Method:
Draw a sigil of what you seek to draw to you (money, good luck, romance, etc.) and fold into a shape small enough to fit under your bottle. Shake the bottle to mix ingredients. Place on your sigil and let this sit in a quiet place where it can be subject to natural light. Declare your intent before you set your luck bottle on your sigil. Shake to reactivate or add more potency to your spell on a regular basis. When spell manifests, which can be immediate or up to one month, remove the sigil from beneath the jar and place it in a safe place. When not in use, place your spell jar in a cool, dark shelf where it can steep its ingredients and become more potent over time.

Reasoning:
Cocoa nibs: sweetness and luxury
Rose petals: love and affection
Orange peel: prosperity
Pink Himalayan salt: bind the spell together
Sweetner: sweetness and luxury
Alcohol: bind the spell together and luxury
Crystal chip: prosperity
Water: flowing good fortune
Natural light: empowerment and blessings from nature

Cursing jar. (Not to be confused with swear jar)

Because of this stupid cold and the kinda busy/chaotic way things have been for the last few weeks, I've lost track of the moon phase and such. We've snow on the ground and the temperature is reasonable for the season, I guess.

I made something today. Rather than just writing it down in my notebook, I decided to post it here in case someone actually had need of it. It's called a cursing jar/bottle. There's a bunch of different ways to make one. It is a semi-passive way to curse people. As per always, be careful casting curses because they have a way to turn back on you if you're not lucky or prepared.

Ingredients:

1 small jar or bottle with stopper
Small quantity of black pepper (in the peppercorn variety)
Small quantity of thorns
Ground red pepper (the spicy kind) or dried pequin peppers
Small quantity of salt
One steel nail (if rusty it is more effective)
Vinegar (if you want to be 'traditional', use urine)
Candle for sealing jar shut

Process:

First clean your jar or bottle completely. Let it dry. Add enough black pepper to cover the base of the jar. Add enough thorns to cover the peppercorns. Add your ground red pepper to layer over the thorns. Add the salt to cover the red pepper. Drop in your nail. Fill with vinegar. Close your jar and seal shut with enough wax so that no liquid will leak out when you shake the jar.

To use, have a target in mind and a paper representation of them. Could be a sigil just for them. It could be a picture or their name written down. Shake the jar to activate it. Pronounce your curse upon the target and place the cursing jar on the representation of your target. Leave the jar on the representation for as long as you want the curse to be active. To remove the curse, take the jar off of the image and state "My will is done. I'm through with this, begone [name]." This acts to mark the end of the curse and to send the target of the curse away from you. If you can muster up spite in your words as you pronounce the end of the curse, the farther away your target will be pushed from your sphere of influence.

Now, why did I use these ingredients?

Black pepper is an irritant. Thorns cause pain and injury. Red chili pepper is a major irritant (the stuff that makes the peppers spicy in red chili peppers is used to make bear spray). The salt is to bind the target and causes pain when rubbed into injuries. The steel nail is obvious, I hope. If not, just think of how it would feel to step on one. The vinegar is another irritant. And sealing the jar shut is just a practical measure to keep things from making a mess all over the place when you shake the jar.

If you're familiar with the 'hot foot' curse, you'll recognize that most of what I put in here is similar to that curse's jar component. It works a lot like the 'hot foot' curse. It causes irritation, suffering, and pain to the target as long as the curse is activated. It is possible to add more potency to the curse by repeating the curse and shaking the jar daily.

Dear Hacker.

I honestly am amused and almost flattered that you attempted to hijack my account. Kindly go fuck yourself and may a plague of fleas infest your crotch.

Progress?

I'm sick with a sinus infection. I can't be arsed to look up what age the moon is or what it's sign is. It is enough to know that it is waning and it was full on Sunday. The weather's shit right now but it's at least not snowing. The wind's been howling pretty good and I think the jetstream is just above us from the sound of it.

The Egregore experiment has it a few snags. Depression got in the way of actively working with the construct. Despite that, I am finding that I am having a better internal dialogue going on with the different parts of my psyche. I think this indicates that there is progress happening. It would be doing much more if I weren't sick right now. I spent most of today asleep and the afternoon will be my stumbling along in an attempt to keep up with the kids.

I've cast a few spells for healing for friends of mine and their loved ones who are unwell. I'm waiting to see how they manifest.

The spell that I cast for a little more financial security is beginning to manifest. I have a bit more work to push it into full fruition, but I think that it's going to work out well. I just have to get through the waning moon.

Egregore is working?

Waning Corn Moon (age: 20 days)

Sign: Aries

Weather: Humid, mid-70s

Drought status: None

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

While I have been struggling with depression, I've been trying to work with this egregore I've created. Clearly it has picked up the energy that I was impressing into it when my son asked me what the Cinderella doll was doing on the altar. I think that work is beginning to yield some results.

I was doing some journal work and came upon some major realizations with respect to trauma and conditioning that was forced upon me during the period of my life that this egregore is aligned with. I find that the ptsd triggers surrounding housework and more specifically washing dishes are easing up some as well. Perhaps this experiment in creating an egregore to hold the trauma memories and transmute them into neutral memory is having some success.

Components gathered. Phase One complete.

Waxing Gibbous Rose Moon (Age: 10 days)

Sign: Sagittarius

Weather: Cool, overcast, intermittent rain

Drought status: D0

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Initially, I thought I was going to make a poppet for this ritual. In the end, I simply didn't have the spoons for it. I had spent so much energy and effort on making things to calm my nerves (preemie hats and scarves for charity) that I just didn't have the capacity to plan and craft a doll. I wound up buying a small doll for the ritual. It is a Belle doll from Disney. I confess, I am not thrilled with the doll being covered in glitter on one portion of it, but I am debating repainting it anyways. 

Aside from the doll, I realized I was going to need some manner of basket or container for the doll to stay in. I have a wide collection of glass jars and similar containers. I think, however, I'm going to use a shoe box or a slightly smaller cardboard box to make a spirit house for my egregore to reside in. If the doll was thinner, I'd use a tin but the dimensions are all wrong. Either way, the spirit residence is going to be in a location where the children can not play with it.

It's purpose is to help me process emotional childhood trauma. I'm waiting for the waning phase of the moon to begin the real work on this level. It's going to be one week a month between now and autumn. My goal is to create more stability in my sense of self and a greater awareness of my safety in the present. The doll is going to house this helper egregore and serve to watch over my therapy efforts.

My hope is that between my pen and paper therapy work and magical shadow work, I can achieve a greater sense of stability and lessen the depth of the depression that comes when memories arise from the depths of my psyche. This experiment, if successful, will be reapplied towards my rage oriented shadow self. There's a great deal of pain there that needs to be healed. Since I don't have a therapist to oversee all of this work, I am drawing off of the shadow work techniques I am familiar with and the therapy history that I have.

When it is during the waning moon, I'm going to be making art because that seems to be how the deeper levels of myself are more comfortable communicating. The job of the egregore is going to be to facilitate communication between these parts of myself and my conscious mind. T-3 days to the empowerment of the egregore.

An experiment in Shadow Work

Waxing gibbous Milk Moon (Age: 10 days)

Sign: Libra

Weather: Rainy, cool, light breezes

Drought status: 0

~*~*~*~*~*~

I picked up a doll to represent myself in some shadow work. I am not happy with this thing. It has glitter on it. It isn't anything like the doll I was going to make but I just don't have the spoons to make the doll. But, I'm going to try to channel my anxiety into the doll and when I have anxiety issues talk to the doll to work through them.

Gods only know I'm going to look like a crazy woman. But, maybe I can make some forward progress in this mess that is my psychiatric health through a little shadow magic. The next step is going to be making masks for the different 'selves' I am trying to sort out. I'd do the paper mask but I need something more durable. Time for a run to the craft store.

My plan is to make the masks for these different pieces of my psyche and wear them as I write in a journal to facilitate expressing what is going on in my head. The journal work I have been doing is not going to well because I'm finding it hard to write due to depression. Maybe this artistic stuff will break through that wall and get me moving forward on this.

Taboo lifted, now what?

Waning Pink Moon (Age: 24 days)

Sign: Pisces

Weather: Seasonable, cloudy skies

Drought status: none

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The taboo that I had on posting here has been lifted. I'm not sure what to write at the moment. I just know that Loki's deemed it a safe and proper time for me to begin posting here about the full weirdness of my spiritual life. And that Freyr agrees.

My relationships with them continues to deepen. I'm coming up out of a depressive episode followed by a mixed episode that were each a few months long. I don't know if this means that I'm going to be hypomanic soon or what. I am a bit gunshy about posting aggressively anywhere right now. I don't want the wackjobs out there to use my UPG to justify their horrible behaviors. It is bad enough that they're using the tenants of mainstream Asatru and heathenry to 'justify' their garbage behavior.

Loki assures me that I'm too small of a fish for people to go after right now. Social phobia insists that everything I am posting is going to bring down disaster on my head and shoulders. Again, the red head pats me on the shoulder, kisses the top of my head, and tells me I worry too much. This has become the standard response when I get anxious over 'silly' things.

I've been told that I'm not allowed to call the stuff I get anxious over 'stupid' unless they're legitimately stupid things. Turns out I don't get anxious over legitimately stupid things. I've been struggling to keep with this whole 'make yourself healthier' business. Stress has my blood sugar up. Doing yoga hasn't been big on my list of things to do because it's been painful. And I feel like I'm doing it all wrong.

Shuffle-mancy strikes again as Lindsey Sterling's Something Wild starts playing. I've been told that I have been forgetting myself in my anxiety over everything. Loki and Freyr have been strongly encouraging me to do more for myself in my self-care. The things that make me feel like myself, like wearing a ton of jewelry and writing bad poetry are being encouraged. I am getting told how I should be taking a more positive look at my body. That last one is really hard. I feel like it's turned traitor with how it is having all of these issues with my cptsd, bipolar ii, seasonal affective disorder, and diabetes. I don't feel strong. I feel broken.

Loki and Freyr are both strongly opinionated on that matter. They tell me I need to change my frame of reference because I'm using an outdated mode to look at myself. Thus, they are all but throwing me into therapy of sorts. I can't find a therapist to work with but things keep coming up that push me to writing about my trauma and poor self image.

I've been pushed into making art again. I feel like it's awful, but they tell me to keep working. They tell me that I'm better than I think I am. So, I'm going to start posting up here the devotional art that I've been making. Like the thing above. I don't know where this is all going, but I trust them. I just don't trust myself not to fuck it up. I'm terrified of that. I don't want to screw everything up and have the nightmare of 2011 happen again.

Loki assures me that it won't. Freyr assures me it won't. Beloved assures me that it won't. I'm still afraid. But, they all tell me that doing the hard thing despite being afraid is courage.

[untitled]

I have been writing down my history as part of my Camp NaNoWriMo project. I'm realizing that I've taken a very weird path to get to where I am. I am a very bad example of what would make a good heathen. I'm a very bad example of what would make a good Wiccan. I'm a terrible example of what would make a good Filianist/Déanist. And yet, here I am writing Filianic prayers and rituals. Here I am teaching my kids about the gods of the Norse peoples. Here I am functioning with parts and pieces of the Wiccan ritual format.

Stargazer told me if I remained on the path I was on that I would be rewarded. I've been struggling to do that of late. Depressive episodes and mixed episodes have really cut into my faith and left me feeling like I'm just going through the motions and I should take down my altar. The fact that people at school are indoctrinating my children into Christian thought bothers me to a degree that I struggle to put into words. I don't know who is doing it. But I want to personally kick their ass up around their ears.

I haven't yet heard the boys talking about how they are afraid that we're all going to go to hell. Mostly they've been hearing about how Jesus is a nice god. They've been hearing about the Christian holidays and getting excited about the idea of celebrating them. (They were not pleased when we didn't celebrate Easter like most of our neighbors complete with presents. They did get a small treat for Ostara and I gave them a gift back at the Equinox, but they didn't completely make the connection between the two.)

I'm struggling with the fact that I am trying to raise a couple of pagans with out a local community to support me in the process. This is depressing and exhausting. I look at what the homeschooling Christians are doing to educate their children in their spiritual development to get ideas for what I can take and use. It is not going so great. I don't have the resources to make workbooks and packets. I don't have a book of scriptures (because there are so many different myths you don't get just one book and finding kid friendly books of mythology is hard) so I can't sit there and do 'scripture study' with them.

I'm debating introducing them to Filianism because it is structurally similar to Christianity. I'm just not sure if that is a good idea. After all, my eldest has decided to be a devotee of Zeus and gods only know where I'm going to start on helping him build that relationship.

Dreams of late.

Waxing Egg/Pink moon (age 3 days)
Sign: Gemini
Weather: Seasonably mild
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have been having dreams of my dead coming to me and trying to talk to me but something keeps getting in the way. Sometimes it is a wall of glass. Sometimes it is a river of roaring water. And sometimes I just can't hear them.

I am quite unhappy right now because I seem to have a number of things going off cockeyed. Stress over the last few months has made my blood sugar readings creep higher. My being unwell hasn't helped that any. I am depressed. It's been screwing up everything it seems.

I try to spirit journey and I hit a wall. Or should I say, I am surrounded by fog and I can't get through it, which I know represents my illness. It spring time. I should be past the seasonal affective disorder and on my way into a more productive period. And yet, here I am, depressed and not functioning very well.

I pray but it feels like I am talking to empty air right now. With someone else's voice.

I worry that my malaise will make its way into the things I am working up for charity and some how inflict unease upon the recipient. I am so tired of being sick.

Blog Reboot

I'm getting signs that I should reboot this blog and get back to posting on here. The storm hasn't passed yet but apparently I should start working on here again. Look for more details after the equinox. I'm going to be archiving past material, once I figure out how to do it. Blog format may be changing as well.

Going radio silent.

On this blog, that is.

As per the guidance of deities and the dead, I'll be shutting down this blog. The blog will continue in spirit via Veiled Witch.

I also want to add, they gave me a warning to share.

"You are being watched. You are all in danger. Keep to the shadows and move quickly. Your enemies are preparing to strike. But they can't hit a moving target in the dark. And they're standing in a spotlight, making them an EASY TARGET. Keep your heads down when necessary."

Shield up and push forward.